route_1065 | If I can let the memory heal

Who: Cloud Strife and Zack Fair
Where: Violet City Inn
When: Backdated to Tuesday, May 17th
Summary: Seeing Zack faint triggered some unpleasant memories that come in the form of a nightmare.
Rating: PG
Log:
Cloud's brows furrowed as he slept, images of years long since past finally surfacing as he dreamed. He tossed and turned. A yellow truck. It was bumpy and going fast, they were headed to Midgar again. Midgar... they were suppose to go there together, right? Why? What were they going to do? What had Cloud been doing? Why couldn't he move?

Zack was suddenly pushing him to the bed of the truck, the driver stopping so Zack can run away from the truck and let the driver go safely. Cloud was resting against a giant boulder and Zack was walking away.

No. Don't go...

But he did and Cloud struggled to find him again. When did it start raining? Why was it red? It rain like a river and there were bodies everywhere. But Cloud didn't notice, he was following the main trail to the edge of a cliff. Zack was there, he was full of holes, barely breathing. What happened? Why did he fight? They were suppose to go to Midgar... right? But Zack is telling him to go on, giving him his sword and to be his living legacy. Cloud was barely understanding, his mind was so mako-addled that all he could do was stare blankly. And then... Zack stopped breathing.

Memories. Not his own, memories bombarded his mind. They were Zack's memories, most of them anyway. They filled his blank mind, to wake him up, to give him a purpose, to give Cloud a path to his new journey. To be the hero Zack died to be.

He screamed. And then, he awoke. His teeth clenched in effort to stop the scream that wanted to claw its way out of his throat. His bangs clung to his face, his chest heaving for breath. He was in shock. He remembered the reason why Zack wasn't in the memories he managed to regain in the void and he had expected this but seeing it in such a way tore at his heart. Cloud felt as though he had let Zack down, but why? How? He still didn't remember his life and yet the guilt was there. He sat up and stared at his lap. The mako he had would have allowed him to stare at the very threads but all he saw was a dark mass that was his blanket. And then, a warm, furry body curled up onto his lap, staring up at him with sad eyes. Gently, Cloud pulled Stardust into his arms, needing something to hug since he didn't want to wake Zack who was in the bed next to him.

Zack's rising and falling chest allowed him to know that the teen was, indeed, still alive. But he was afraid to go near him now. He didn't know what to do.

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Zack lay still and quiet, controlling his breathing, waiting to see what was going to happen. He had caught the sound of Cloud's breathing change as he woke up, the heavy sound speaking something of fear, waking him from his sleep. Zack would have gone right too him, except that he always worried that the older male would be unhappy at it being known he suffered from nightmares, even if it was only Zack who knew.

After a few minuets of debating with himself, noting that Cloud still sounded upset, he turned to open his eyes and look at the blond.

"Hey, what's up?" he asked, knowing full well that Cloud was not 'alright' or 'okay' so not bothering to ask either one.

Cloud gasped and looked over to Zack, he hadn't realized that Zack had woken up and seen him like this. He lets Stardust down to his lap again and pets her slowly, silent for now. Then, he sighed shakily. "Had a dream."

He honestly didn't know how to tell Zack. He didn't want to tell the teen his future but would it really matter? He honestly doubted Zack would let it go, though he was thankful that Zack was usually pretty good at not pushing the subject. But this was one thing he was honesty not sure how to say.

"I-It... was a memory. More memories..." Cloud started softly. He paused, collecting his thoughts and firmly deciding on what he would say. "You aren't in some of my memories because of this one. You died."

Zack got up as Cloud started talking, moving over to sit at the edge of the blond's bed. From Cloud's reaction to the dream there was no way he was letting him hide it all, though he would give his friend time to talk it through on his own.

Zack found himself swallowing as Cloud finished what he was explaining; he couldn't say that it didn't effect him, the fact was it was rather frightening.

Taking a deep breath he push his shock to the side, Cloud needed him right now, later he could tackle his own issue over it.

"You want to... talk? I'll listen to whatever you got to say." He offered, not quite sure what he was offering, but not caring when he looked at how upset Cloud seemed.

But Cloud just shrugged helplessly. What was there to say? Zack had died and worse yet, he forgot about it. He didn't care that it was the void that made him forget, just that he forgot something so important as Zack's death. It was like reliving it all over again, only minus the actual mind fuck that came afterward. He knew he was still Cloud.

"What do I say?" He whispered.

"I-I don't know." Zack said with a sigh, really he would rather Cloud be talking, not matter what about, even if he got upset at him for something, it would be better than being left in the quiet with only the knowledge that he was going to die, sooner than he would have wanted. "Anything? Everything? Stuff that you wanted to tell me but never got a chance to, then."

Zack knew he was grasping at straws, but it seemed better than the alternative. He didn't even know if he ever got a chance to be the hero he wanted to become. Was he going to die soon after he got back? Or would it be years down the road? Sometimes even he forgot that he was only sixteen, but times like now brought that fact back to him hard.

Cloud shook his head. "I don't know. I wasn't... exactly all there. I had mako poisoning for... a few years, I think. You were carrying me back to Midgar a-and it's why you died. Because I couldn't defend myself. You told me to go on. To be your living legacy and carry your dreams and your honor with me."

And he would like to think that he did a job well done, but with the memories so fresh, the guilt was also fresh. It tore at his chest, squeezing his heart but his mind was telling him to wait. Wait and see what other memories could return and let him know what happened since Zack's death.

"I'm sorry."

Zack sucked in a large breath, mako poisoning was nasty stuff, in most cases it was either lethal or left the victim a vegetable. According to what he had heard the longer you have mako poisoning the lower your chances of pulling out of it became.

He had died protecting Cloud, well that put one of his fears to rest, there was little else more heroic than dieing to protect a friend, especially if they were unable to do so themselves. Zack knew that if there was anyone he would entrust his dreams and honor to, anyone he would want to be a living legacy for him then it would be Cloud.

"Why are you sorry?" Zack asked, trying to hide the sound of tears in his voice, glad that both of them had lost any enhancement from the mako, so it was unlikely that Cloud would see the tears collecting on the edges of his eyes.

He had been a vegetable and Zack's death was one of the main things that pulled him out of it. Which is what made Cloud feel worse. He shook his head, no, he couldn't think like that! However, it was the sound of tears in Zack's voice that made him look up, eyes somewhat wide and impossibly blue in the dark.

"B-Because I couldn't save you."

Zack had to squeeze his eyes shut for a moment before reopening them, not to see if Cloud would look any different but to make the tears stop blurring his vision. Cloud looked like a hurt, lost kid right now to Zack, and it made his heart ache. He moved up closer to Cloud and easily wrapped his arms around the blond.

"Hey, in case you didn't notice, when I go back I'll be older than you, your not expected to save me."

"Age doesn't have anything to do with it," Cloud murmured, leaning into Zack. He knew he didn't have power back then to actually do anything to help Zack. But it still hurt. His friend's death still hurt.

Zack sighs, rubbing a hand on Cloud's back. It hurt that his friend was like this, he wanted to make the pain go away, and had hoped that the joke would help a little, but it hadn't.

Zack just held on to Cloud, not wanting to let go of his friend just yet, he waited, hoping that just being close could help. He listened to the sounds of their room, of Cloud himself, reminding himself that he was here, he was alive and so was Cloud.

Cloud simply stayed quiet. To reassure himself that Zack was still hear and it was his hand on his back, that this all hadn't been some horrible dream cooked up by Chaos as punishment. Eventually, the soft sounds of the room and their breathing lulled him to sleep.

Zack heard Cloud's breathing change as he fell asleep, but he still didn't want to let his friend go. He knew if he went back to his own bed he would have to think about what Cloud had said, that he died. Instead he decided to get the both of them to a comfortable point and with the sound of Cloud sleeping near him Zack slipped off to sleep.

If I can let the memory heal

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