Okay, okay. So way back a long, long time ago, I get approached by this whole group of people telling me I needed to get married. I was makin' them all look bad, and I guess they thought I wouldn't leave any women in Ulster for the rest of them.

[Given the chance, that was very likely to be exactly how it went.]

So they tell me I need to get married--obviously I'm not going to settle for just any woman. Who would, that'd just be boring. No, I decided the woman I was going to marry should have been perfect in every possible way, and perfection I found in Emer, daughter of Forgall Monach.

But Forgall--well, I ain't sure I remember what his problem was exactly. Basically what he told me was 'if you're after her, go train with the witch of shadows and come back when you're done'. If I had to wager a guess now, I'd bet just about anything he was out to get rid of me permanently. Scáthach's training was enough to kill the most hardened warriors, and I was only about sixteen or a little younger.

So, obviously, I did exactly what he said--didn't see any reason why not, and I ain't the sort to back down from a challenge. I went straight to the Land of Shadows, worked myself half to death and back again, then came back just like he said. I guess Forgall wasn't expecting to see me still breathing, so he refused to let me marry her.

[Lancer paused long enough to take a drink, then laughed as he continued.]

So I walked straight into his castle, killed at least twenty of Forgall's own warriors that got in my way, and we eloped.

[lancer...]