[He doesn't mean to, but Karkat just might flinch at the contact at first—you know, because he's a fucking moron who can't work out for himself that only Dave could be this close right now. Never mind the fact that they look, smell, sound, and feel completely different, much less that Karkat can literally sense each and every word passing Dave's lips as a faint breeze at this distance, oh no, he has to have a fucking panic attack over everything like it happened yesterday. What kind of troll is he?
His eyes gradually open, but he's staring at Dave's mouth as he speaks, his features twisted into a frown. Yes, he knows he's safe, he trusts Dave, but he's such a fucking mess. How can Dave commit himself to shoveling this bullshit when the reward is just more Karkat? Is there even really a difference between the two?
... He's straying from the point. Again.
Swallowing roughly, Karkat finally meets Dave's eyes, releases his hands, and reaches out with one of his own to cup his moirail's cheek while he just... looks at him. This stupid, stupid asshole deserves so much better.]
I believe you. Or—or I'm trying to, it's just...
[He shrugs helplessly, struggling not to break eye contact. Does he even need to say how fucking hard his self-loathing makes it to accept Dave's feelings? God, this is so completely moronic, why are they having the same issues with everything?
A second or two passes before he leans in to reestablish that forehead-to-forehead contact because yes, he'd missed it. Stop moving away, goddammit, even if it's to make a point.]
I trust you. I know I'm safe with you. It's just hard not to feel like I'm... like you don't need this as much as I do.
[Like I'm not good enough for you. Like you don't need me as much as I need you. Dave needs a moirail, yes, but Karkat? And. And, wait. Wait, goddammit, did he just—FUCK.
He pulls his hand back to swipe angrily at his eye and adds the rest in a rush.]
I'm not questioning—I mean, I'm, fuck, I'm not trying to belittle your feelings or get you to say or do anything here, and I know you're being sincere, I'm just—
[Really, really fucked up. God, no, it would sound like he's just copying what Dave had said earlier, what the hell is he even doing?!]
no subject
His eyes gradually open, but he's staring at Dave's mouth as he speaks, his features twisted into a frown. Yes, he knows he's safe, he trusts Dave, but he's such a fucking mess. How can Dave commit himself to shoveling this bullshit when the reward is just more Karkat? Is there even really a difference between the two?
... He's straying from the point. Again.
Swallowing roughly, Karkat finally meets Dave's eyes, releases his hands, and reaches out with one of his own to cup his moirail's cheek while he just... looks at him. This stupid, stupid asshole deserves so much better.]
I believe you. Or—or I'm trying to, it's just...
[He shrugs helplessly, struggling not to break eye contact. Does he even need to say how fucking hard his self-loathing makes it to accept Dave's feelings? God, this is so completely moronic, why are they having the same issues with everything?
A second or two passes before he leans in to reestablish that forehead-to-forehead contact because yes, he'd missed it. Stop moving away, goddammit, even if it's to make a point.]
I trust you. I know I'm safe with you. It's just hard not to feel like I'm... like you don't need this as much as I do.
[Like I'm not good enough for you. Like you don't need me as much as I need you. Dave needs a moirail, yes, but Karkat? And. And, wait. Wait, goddammit, did he just—FUCK.
He pulls his hand back to swipe angrily at his eye and adds the rest in a rush.]
I'm not questioning—I mean, I'm, fuck, I'm not trying to belittle your feelings or get you to say or do anything here, and I know you're being sincere, I'm just—
[Really, really fucked up. God, no, it would sound like he's just copying what Dave had said earlier, what the hell is he even doing?!]
I-I'm working on it, okay?
[Please don't go. Please.]