[John high-fives her. How could he not? She seems so proud of knowing that high-fiving is a thing that he can't leave her hanging.]

Well, I am glad that Dave has been teaching you actual greetings and not, like, weird Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff greetings.

[John's not sure he'd know what to do if she greeted him with "it's TUESDAY YOU FAT NASTY TRASH."]

So where are you from? Because it doesn't sound like you're from the same kind of universe as me and Dave.