route_1065 | If I Die Young

Entry tags:

If I Die Young

Who: Mom Lalonde and Bro Strider
Where: Viridian City
When: 1/18/13
Summary: Mom's been having awful nightmares and not getting a whole lot of sleep. Bro decides to step in.
Rating: M for Bro's mouth
Log:

Mom started awake, shooting up in bed and immediately looked down. No, no there was no blood, no wound, and for a while she was confused. Why wasn't she in pain and bleeding out?

Then she remembered where she was and sighed, frustrated. She wasn't surprised she was having these dreams. Hell, this wasn't even the first night Mom had dreams like that since arriving in Johto. That one was just...much more intense than usual. It took her a few deep breaths to calm down enough to get out of bed and put on a robe. She longed for a drink, but at the same time she didn't feel like going out anywhere.

Another sigh escaped her lips and she glanced at her Pokegear. No, Mom wasn't going to bother anyone about this, most certainly not her children. They didn't need to know how fragile she felt sometimes, like now.

Mom left her room after slipping her current team into her pocket, just in case, and putting on the house slippers she bought recently. She made her way as quietly as possible through the halls, intending to get something with caffeine into her system in an attempt to calm herself down. She knew she wasn't going to be getting to sleep any time soon after a night terror like that.

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Bro knew she'd been having trouble sleeping. He didn't know why, nor did he plan on asking. Was he curious? Yes. But he didn't want to snoop into her business. Everyone was entitled to their secrets, and with chronic nightmares, there tended to be a reason for those. And those reasons were usually things that people wanted to keep secret; he knew all too well of those.

So instead of asking, he just made sure that he was there if things got serious and she needed something. As of yet, he hadn't needed to do that, and as far as Bro knew, she didn't know that he knew of her sleeping problems. He intended to keep it that way until she absolutely needed him.

Which appeared to be that night. Bro was a light sleeper at the best of times, but more so lately after being put in an unfamiliar environment. With their rooms next to each other, he had no trouble hearing the open and close of the door and her feet padding down the hall. He knew who it was, and he knew that tonight would be the night she needed someone to talk to. Especially because they were in a town now, and he didn't want her sneaking off to do something stupid like drink alone.

Jeans and a shirt as well as his shades were pulled on quickly and he was slipping out of the door to follow after her. He wouldn't alert her to his presence; not until he figured out where she was headed.

Luckily for Bro, she wasn't planning on heading out of the hotel. Mom made her way to where she could get some hot water and a pack or two of hot chocolate. She crossed her arms as she waited for the water to dispense.

After mixing it all together, Mom stepped back to lean against the wall. It didn't take her long to slide down it so that she could sit against it instead. She stared ahead at the wall unseeing, both waiting for the water to cool down enough for her to safely sip at it and chasing her thoughts around in circles.

She didn't like feeling this way, far from it. And the last thing she wanted to do was think about it. Yet, tonight had so far proven that she wasn't going to escape the clutches of her nightmares that night.

Once he found out where she was headed, he hung back. He didn't want to make it obvious that he'd followed her out. Instead, he waited for a few minutes, watching from the shadows as she made her hot chocolate and then slumped against the wall. He felt a pang of sympathy for her then, noting how... down she seemed. They must've been really horrible nightmares to make someone who's usually so cheerful look like that.

Finally, he moved into the room. He didn't say anything as he walked over to the wall and slid down to sit next to her. "Couldn't sleep?" he asked quietly, looking at her out the corner of his eyes, resting his head against the wall.

Mom glanced over at him, gave him a small, tired smile by way of greeting. She tried to put some cheer into it, but she knew she flopped on that.

"Nope," she replied, resolutely looking at her cup rather than Bro. She wasn't sure if she could face him directly at the moment. Really, after a little over a month of these nightmares, Mom was surprised she was holding herself together at all. She was determined to not fall apart in front of Bro or at least to give it a good shot.

"How about you?"

Bro saw her attempt at a smile, and that just made him feel a little worse. He missed her bubbly smile, the one that could light up a fucking room like a walking cliche. That? That wasn't a smile. That was a pathetic excuse for a Mom Lalonde smile if there ever was one. He didn't like it at all, and seeing it just made him want to fix it.

"Eh, I'm used to not sleeping all that much," he said after a few seconds of silence. "But you on the other hand... I'm sure a woman such as yourself values beauty sleep." He gave her a small nudge with his shoulder, trying to lighten the mood a little, if only for a moment. He wanted to add something to the effect of 'not that you need it to be beautiful', but he stopped himself. "You wanna talk about it?"

Well, Bro was successful in getting a weak chuckle out of her. His question, though, made her pause for a little while. Eventually, she decided that if she didn't tell someone she trusted, she might break down in a way that would make it hard for anyone to fix.

"I need to ask you something first. What were things like as you remember them back in Sburb?"

Well that question was fairly ominous. He was aware that people were from different points in time and that no one seemed to stay on a linear path, time-wise. So her question immediately had him assuming things.

"Last thing I remember was stabbing the beat mesa on Dave's planet," he said after a few moments, "to start the Scratch. Aside from needing to start it in the first place, everything wasn't more fucked up than normal."

Mom nodded, thinking.

"Do you remember being on board a ship with an older gent, a man with a fedora, and me?"

She needed to get the perspective right, so that he knew where exactly they were from in the time line. And maybe to prepare him for what might come down the road if he wasn't that far along.

Edited 2013-01-20 08:21 (UTC)

His brows furrowed at that, and he shook his head after a moment. "No, I can't say I remember that. I blacked out pretty soon after stabbing it." He didn't know where she was going with this, but he didn't think he liked it so far. Not only because he felt a pang of jealousy at the idea of her being with Mr. Fedora, but because he knew that things couldn't be good if they were giving her nightmares. "If you don't mind cutting to the chase, I'd appreciate it."

She really didn't want to cut to the chase, but...well, Bro really kind of needed to know.

"I'll give you the short story, then." Not to mention the least painful. She took in a breath, grip tightening subconsciously on her cup.

"I'm...I'm dead, Dirk."

When she spoke, it was as if he'd been physically punched in the gut. Or stabbed. Stabbed would be an accurate description of it. Stabbed, and then the knife horrible twisted for extra pain. It was stupid, because he shouldn't have been so surprised. What were the chances of any of them making it out alive? Slim. More than slim. But the idea of her being dead... Of her dying. No. Just... fucking no. And instantly all he could think about was that he should've been able to stop it somehow. He should've been there and protected her, and instead he apparently hadn't been.

He felt nauseous.

"How?" he finally managed to get out, and his voice was quiet, though he was forcing it with every ounce of strength that he had to remain calm. He couldn't let on to the fact that it was affecting him so fucking much. If anything, he had to be strong for her.

Mom couldn't help a short, self-deprecating laugh. Oh, the 'how' of it all. She knew she had to face this if she wanted to move on, even if she doubted she ever would. It helped, though, to have Bro here.

"I was stupid. I let my guard down, but I don't...remember. It was a blur of motion. All I really can remember is some black colored thing appearing, and the next thing I know I've been stabbed."

She shivered, hugging her knees by that point.

"It was...painful and slow, and I sure as hell was scared. Ever since I came here, I've been having dreams about it, and I keep waking up thinking I'm dying."

Thinking she was dying alone and in the dark was what she meant, but she didn't voice it. She couldn't.

That laugh just made it all the worse. A sound like that should never come from a woman like her.

But somehow, the entire thing managed to get worse the minute she started elaborating on how. It didn't take him long to figure out who she meant, considering he'd had a few run ins with something that sounded just like what she'd described. He felt anger flare up at that, both at the creature and at himself. He should've killed it when he had the chance, instead of being the evasive bastard that he'd been being. If he'd killed it when he could've... She never would've died. In a way the entire thing just felt like his fault.

"I'm sorry," he said after a few long moments of silence, his voice quivering just slightly. "I should've... been there. I could've protected you and I didn't."

Mom nudged his arm gently.

"Or you could've died without doing what you were supposed to do. I just know that you left pretty fast after hitching a ride on the ship, so whatever you were doing had to be important. There's nothing for you to be sorry for."

She thought she'd be alright. She hadn't been alone and the man she'd been with had seemed capable of holding his own in a fight. There was no reason to suspect that she wouldn't come out of a conflict relatively unharmed.

"I wouldn't have died..." His reply came a few seconds after she said that. Of course he'd ditched them. Leave it to him to leave when they had apparently needed him the most. Left unsaid was 'not if your life was at stake'. Because the thing about him was that he protected the people important to him, no matter the fucking cost. If she'd needed him... well there was no way he would die without making sure she was safe.

Suddenly, he was on his feet, stepping a couple of steps away. He turned back to her, and held out his hand. "Set that down. C'mere."

She smiled somewhat wryly at that. His sudden movement surprised her, and she blinked for a second. Curious, Mom sat her cup down out of harm's way and took his hand.

"What are you...?"

He didn't say anything to her question. If he took too long, he would probably lose the nerve. So instead of saying anything, he just pulled her closer, before letting go of her hand and sliding his arms around her to pull her into a hug. His arms held her firmly, but not too tight. Protectiveness probably radiated from him, because that was all he was thinking of. Protecting her. Never letting anything like that happen to her again.

"I swear on my fuckin' life," he started, once more forcing his voice to be as calm as he possibly could, "that as long as you're with me, I won't let anything like that happen. As long as you're with me, you're safe. You got that?"

She was once more surprised, but it was a nice one. It felt like a dam was threatening to break loose, that needed to be let loose or she'd drown.

Mom sniffed, once, and returned the embrace, clinging tightly. She shook a little, a few tears leaking from her eyes, but she refused to completely break down. Not yet.

"Got it," Mom replied, her voice thick with barely restrained emotion.

The sound of her sniffing was like another little punch, and it threatened to bring out all of his own feelings that he was just managing to repress. He had to be strong for her, even if his entire being was rejecting the idea of her dying. It was like a physical ache. Not to mention the intense self hatred he felt for not preventing it from happening. He didn't care what his reasoning was. Unless it was somehow related to Dave, there was nothing that should've prevented him from being there to protect her.

It was hard to keep this innocent. His heart ached and all he wanted to do was just... kiss her. Kiss the tears away and make sure she absolutely, positively, without a shadow of a doubt knew that he was there for her. That he would protect her no matter what. But as much as he wanted to do that, he was scared. For so many different reasons. He didn't want to make the wrong move, for one. He was afraid that she would take it badly. He didn't want to screw up and go from someone she could trust and who could protect her, to someone she felt the need to reject and push away. She needed someone, and right now he was afraid of jeopardizing that.

But beyond that, he was afraid for other reasons. The fact he's never allowed anyone to really get in his heart. Never gotten close to people in that way. His entire life has been nothing but casual encounters and one night stands. Feelings were never involved, and that's how he preferred it. But then this woman- this stupid, amazing, beautiful woman came into his life and she changed that. He felt things he'd never felt for any other person before, and it was fucking scary. He'd never considered doing anything about it though. Not until now. Their schedules were too different. They had more important things to do.

And because she deserved better. That was his biggest reason for being afraid. A beautiful, intelligent, classy lady like her... She could do a million times better than him. He wasn't anything like her. Sure, he was smart. But he was so beyond her type that it went beyond laughable. She could do better than him- him, the rapper with the borderline puppet fetish, the porn site, the complete and total inability to raise a kid. He wasn't worthy of her. As much as he hated to think it, she probably would've done so much better with Egbert. Bro just wasn't datable.

"'m always here for you," he finally said after about a minute of silence, pushing away thoughts of kissing her and trying to focus entirely on just being there for her, no strings attached. Being strong for her. Being whatever she needed him to be for the moment.

"Thank you." And she meant it. Truly she did. It was nice to have someone to lean against when she couldn't bear it herself.

"I'm here for you, too."

Part of Mom wanted to stay in Bro's arms forever, but she knew she couldn't. After allowing herself a few more seconds, she reluctantly pulled away from him and wiped her eyes. Mom looked at him and gave him the first real smile since they'd started this conversation.

"I'm really glad you're here, you know."

When she pulled away, it took a lot of effort not to just close the distance again, only this time to kiss her instead of hug her. Such a colossal effort. But he managed to do it despite the overwhelming urge to do so, despite the fact that the smile made it that much harder not to. The smile is infectious, though, and he finds himself fighting one back as well.

It's when she spoke that he couldn't really stop himself, and he smiled too. Small, maybe a little sad, but still a smile. And he couldn't help the way he felt his heart kind of skip a beat, too. But only because he was clearly reading far too much into her statement. She didn't mean it like that, and he shouldn't have let it affect him like that. "Me too. To you, I mean. Glad you're here." Fuck, he was starting to sound like an idiot. "You, me, a fuckload of eggs. Couldn't really ask for anything better..."

She couldn't help grinning. Not only did she get a smile out of Bro, but tripping over his own words? It was adorable, charming, and quite a feat for her to accomplish.

"Speaking of eggs, I could go for a little bit of breakfast right about now. How good are Strider Pancakes?"

Goddamn it, way to just break him completely. When she grinned, his own smile widened and at her words, he even let out a laugh. "Shit, you really gotta ask that? I'm gonna make you the best goddamn pancakes you ever did taste." Goddamn it had been a while since he'd made pancakes. Dave had passed the age where he wanted them regularly anymore, so it was always cereal or something.

"Oh? Now you've got me curious!" She grinned, feeling better and more like herself again. It was amazing what a little talking could do.

"And where would Chef Strider like to make his famous pancakes?"

Talking is pretty damn cathartic, it was true. Even he was starting to feel a bit better despite everything.

"...Wanna break a few rules and sneak into the kitchen?" His tone is mischievous, and he gives her a sly little smirk.

Mom giggled.

"Oh, the things I'd do for Strider Pancakes," she said in mock dismay. "Still, I think I'd like to break a few rules for a change."

"Right on up there with klondike bars, am I right?" He gives her a smirk. "I'm gonna make you ashamed of the stuff you'd do for my pancakes by the time this night's over with. Let's go." He holds out his hand, because hell yeah if they're gonna break rules they're gonna hold hands.

Platonically, of course.

She took his hand without hesitation, flashing him a quick, teasingly coy smile.

"Oh, really? I'd be interested in hearing how you manage to make me ashamed for those pancakes."

He pulled her in the direction of where the kitchen was at that, trying to ignore the tingling in his hand at her touch. God, he shouldn't be thinking about that. Or feeling any kind of goddamn tingles at all. "They're the best pancakes you'll ever taste. Once you have 'em, you'll be back for more."

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If I Die Young

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