Leave my door open just a crack, 'cause I feel like such an insomniac

[foolishwren]

Who: Dale Cooper and Heather Mason
Where: the Ecruteak City Inn
When: Wednesday night, 2:33 AM
Summary: Losing beloved friends and gaining unwanted reminders of the past in payment... none of that makes for a peaceful night's sleep, not even in peaceful little Ecruteak City. Some people think that the best cure for a churning, restless mind on bad-dream-filled nights is to indulge the sweet tooth a bit. Which is why Heather is slipping down to the (closed) inn kitchen in search of some ice cream, when she encounters the only thing worse than being forced to remedy a lack of ice cream by 'borrowing' some: getting busted by a cop for doing just that.
.... Except that it turns out he's down there for the exact same reason she is!

...

... She won't tell if he won't.
Rating: G
Log:
For anyone who's grown accustomed to spending time in the cities where the population's collective bedtime seems not to roll entirely around until at least three in the morning, it's surprisingly jarring to suddenly find oneself in a town where it's the exact opposite.

The town of Ecruteak sat in the middle of a blanket of forest sort of like an elderly cat-- sleepy and quiet, save for the quiet purr of the wind through the trees and shingled rooftops. Far from the busybodies of places like Goldenrod, the population of Ecruteak was old and happy, and therefore on principal, virtually all activity in the city seemed to die out entirely by the time the clocks hit 1:00 AM.

Peaceful was a good word to describe the place. No far-off music (apart from the everlasting 8-bit soundtrack, of course), no voices filtering in through the windows as groups of nightlife-enjoyers walked past down the street, no clunky footsteps of people going up and down the stairs of the inns at all hours of the night. Nothing to keep your average weary traveler from their beauty sleep, not even on a warm night like this one.

... Unfortunately, for one Heather Mason, the it was that very silence itself that was keeping her awake.

And-- after a whole hour of tossing and turning after startling awake in a cold sweat around one-thirty, she knew that even if sleep were eventually to come, it wouldn't be a sleep she wanted to slip into, nor would it mute all the noise in her own head.

Which was why, a quietly-shut door and a few creaky wooden steps later, she was standing in the dark Employees-Only kitchen of the Ecruteak City inn in a tank-top and boxer shorts, scratching the back of her ankle absentmindedly with one bare foot as she tried to work out which stainless-steel fridge door was the one that led to the freezer component, and whether or not it would make much noise if she just... opened it and took a look at what was inside.

If there had been room service available at all hours like there had been in the big Goldenrod Hotel, she'd have done the nice, legal thing and ordered something like a responsible human being. But THIS place practically shut down at midnight (what the hell?!), so she couldn't. Really, there was just no alternative.

Besides, they wouldn't miss a little bit of ice cream, right?

Comments

[foolishwren]

She does look back up at him when his hand withdraws... because there is something she should add.

It's true, that IS a fact of life... although in Heather's case, it's a little more literal...

"... Revenge was... only one of the reasons she killed him."

She inhales deeply for a moment-- there's a shudder in her breath as she does so, and she squeezes her arms around her knees a little more tightly.

"... The other was... what she was doing, the thing she was... trying to complete... part of it needed me to be in... to be in as much pain as possible. For my heart to be filled with hatred."

... And here, at long last, her face starts to crumple a little bit.

"... He died because she knew it would hurt me."

[tapestodiane]

"You can't fault yourself for loving your father."

What else can he say? It's earnest, and that's all he can give her.

[foolishwren]

"I know... I know, and I don't. Honest. I'm not the kind of person who... y'know, blames themselves for all kinds of stupid shit like that."

And she doesn't. As much as she's got the usual package of survivor's guilt and 'If I only ...', she knows it's not her fault.

"... But it still happened 'cause Dad saved me. Took me in. I just..."

And then she sighs deeply and brings a hand to her head, not sure where she's even going with this anymore.

"Whatever, it's... it's past, right? And I'm HERE and Dad's here, and Claudia's not gonna hurt us... I know she's not gonna hurt us because here, she has no reason to, even if she still hates him... she wouldn't. I know she wouldn't. ... So why do I still feel so fucked-up?"

[tapestodiane]

"I don't know. The past has a funny way of sticking with us."

She knows what he means, he's sure. And he can vouch for what he's saying as well. Shifting a little, he continues,

"You've been through a lot, Heather. You'll probably feel that way for a while."

Initially, it might not even be up to her. What is up to her, though, is how she decides to deal with it, and he thinks she can do that just fine.

[foolishwren]

She nods, and it's clear that even though she's still upset, she understands. It's something she's accepted a long time ago. Healing takes time, and hell, some things never heal completely at all.

"... I was having dreams. That's why I couldn't sleep. ... Just dreamed that everyone I liked was gone. Disappeared. And I was running around in the dark trying to find them again, but I only found her. ... And she didn't understand why I was so upset."

It was the will of God.

That's what the Claudia in her dream had said... and it's so damn cliche and insensitive that she's pretty sure even the REAL Claudia wouldn't say it, not in response to Heather losing all her friends and family in the place that was supposed to be Paradise, but it had chilled her to the bone.

Her own psyche was pretty good at tossing up exactly what she was scared of, and ever since Claudia's arrival and the rash of disappearances that had followed it...

[tapestodiane]

At least it was a dream, he thinks, and not a vision. (He hasn't had a vision since coming to Johto and in many ways, it's a relief - to dream normally, to dream without meaning, even if he doesn't dream that frequently at all, but it's also ... like something's not there. Like he can't feel that part of himself anymore. Like he's missing something. A limb. An arm.)

But he's not a stranger to your average nightmares. He's had his share of those too. So he nods, asks yet another question almost ... slowly.

"Think you can get some sleep after this?"

This being ... ice cream party or solemn conversation, or both. Or maybe just being in someone else's company for a while.

[foolishwren]

Yeah... Heather's had visions before, and they're fun. There was something vivid about them that set them apart even from the crystal-clear flashbacks she got sometimes... something unsettling in the way that only an out-of-context premonition of the future can be.

But no... it was not a vision.

Just a really bad dream.

She thinks about it for a moment or so... but nods.

"Think so... hopefully. I'm a giant asshole when I haven't had enough sleep."

She chuckles a little bit, tiredly, and rubs at one eye.

"I think it's just the nighttime's got me spooked... I mean... realistically I've got nothing to worry about... just had the dream 'cause... well, it's stuff I've been worrying about lately. ... Her being here, and... friends disappearing."

[tapestodiane]

He smiles at that, almost as if agreeing. He wouldn't know what she acts like when sleep deprived or not, but he can believe her. The image of her being grumpy about it just sits right somehow.

And ... hell, everyone probably worries about that last part. Friends disappearing. Though no one of his friends recently, Cooper's had a count - half his pokémon are originally someone else's. 50% is a big number.

"The best we can do is learn to live in the moment."

It's the best way to not ... well, worry.

"Or at least make the best of them." The moments, that is. A brief pause - small smile. "But I'm sure you know that already."

[foolishwren]

She nods again.

"Yeah... that's what I do. ... Or... well, try to do. It's just... hard, y'know?"

She looks back up at him, rubbing the back of her neck.

"A little while ago, someone I was traveling with disappeared. I didn't know her too well... she was a friend of a friend, mostly... but it was just weird. I said 'See you in a few hours' and left her in the hall to go crash for a little while, and when I woke up..."

That had been what had really hit home. All the other disappearances Heather had experienced had been hard to take, sure, but... there'd been a certain amount of detachment. It had mostly been people she'd faded out of contact with for awhile, and then wondered why, and-- oh. THAT was why.

Aoko's disappearance had just been a horrifying reminder that it could happen right under your nose.

[tapestodiane]

That is ... something. He hasn't experienced a disappearance quite as directly himself - luckily - but when Sasha went missing, it had only been something like two days after Cooper last saw him. And that had been a bit of a shock, so ... he thinks he can understand her.

"The worst part is knowing how unlikely you are to see them again."

That's just the thing about the different worlds aspect in Johto, isn't it?

If it sounds a little like he's thinking out loud when he says it, it's because he is.

[foolishwren]

"... Yeah. That's what's worst."

On one hand... she'd experienced a bit of a miracle. She'd lost her dad here once... and then he'd come back. She'd been given a second chance.

And hell, Sora had come back, too!

But on the other... somehow it still seemed so hopeless.

Most people didn't come back and that was just the truth of it.

"... I just... wish we had some way of knowing. Like... if I knew when it was gonna happen, I could try and... I don't know. Make more of an effort to get to know 'em. To spend time with them. I mean, I try to anyway 'cuz I already know things can be taken away any fuckin' minute, but for some reason I STILL can't ever do it as much as I want to. As much as I should."

[tapestodiane]

"Not to mention there's no sense of closure."

Absolutely none, whatsoever. It's different when people die: most of the time you get to know how and why. Most of the time there's a body, a funeral, something to ... target your sense of loss at, something tangible to let you know they were alive once and that you knew them.

It's nothing but tradition but it remains important for that very reason. It makes it easier to accept.

In Johto, you just end up feeling frustrated and even more powerless when people disappear almost as if they were never here. Sometimes things aren't even left behind ... it's nearly enough to make you doubt.

Not that Cooper would ever doubt someone's existance. But he knows some might.

[foolishwren]

"Yeah. That's the worst of it."

She heaves a sigh, rubbing her temples for a moment or two, before looking back up at Cooper.

"Have... any of your friends disappeared here?"

Uh oh. UH OH. She's starting to turn the conversation back in your direction, Cooper. THIS CAN'T BE GOOD.

[tapestodiane]

IMPENDING DANGER. ABORT. ABORT.

No, but to that, his have-to-sidestep-the-topic-insticts aren't making themselves known. This topic is practically the same for anyone who's been in Johto a while and she already knows he was less than fine when AJ left.

"Rainbow Dash. Applejack." A small pause, then almost like an afterthought: "Dee, Sasha."

Not a man to make many friends, it's not a long list, but his eyes are still solemn when he looks straight back at her.

"And no small number of familiar faces."

[foolishwren]

She remembers when Dee disappeared... they'd talked about it together. And that had been when the big reveal had been dropped, so to speak...

But she hadn't known about the others.

".... I liked Dash and AJ too."

Hadn't known Sasha too well.

[tapestodiane]

He remembers them fondly. AJ in particular always had ways of cheering him up, not to mention she'd been the only one in Johto to ever call him "Coop" ... and Dash had always been onto him about expressing himself more, about taking more space. In a strange way it had been comforting, like he was looked after. Something he doesn't get very often.

There were a bunch of other factors, too, of course, but it all ended up in a love for them that was unexpected but welcome.

"They were easy to like. ...I miss them very much."

Mildly, slowly really, with a hint of a smile because he can't quite think about them without one.

Dee and Sasha, he hadn't gotten to know that well before they left, but he misses them as well.

[foolishwren]

There's a long pause on Heather's part.

She doesn't often act like a particularly perceptive individual, and to be fair, that's because she often isn't.

But maybe it's just a hunch, or maybe she's just a bit more thoughtful than normal tonight, but ...

"... Is that why you couldn't sleep?"

[tapestodiane]

He ... frowns, because he has to think about it for a second. He's used to not being able to sleep very well. It's something that's been there for years and he stopped analyzing it a long time ago. He just accepts it, finds other means to rest, and treasures the nights he actually manages to get a few full hours in.

But ... yeah, he supposes that's got something to do with it. Along with his work in general and the visions and feelings that keep him up on occasion.

Then again, he hasn't given up on sleep altogether in favour for a nightly stroll for a long time now. So he nods.

"I think so. In part. But to tell you the truth I don't normally sleep all that well."

Which, if you take the time to really look at him, can typically be seen. There's always that trace of darkness beneath his eyes - often overlooked in favour of his typically energetic behaviour, but very much there. And that's why he gives her the information like it's nothing new.

[foolishwren]

"Why not?"

It's an innocent-enough question, even though she asks it with her own experiences with sleep in mind... She's never been an easy sleeper either, although in her case it was because even when she hadn't remembered her past, it came back to her sometimes. Mostly in flashes, and always at night.

And the nightmares had only become worse after she'd regained all her memories ... partially because she could now remember everything in exquisite detail, and partially because she'd just added a whole rash of NEW bad memories for the dreams to draw from.

Although nights like this where anxiety about something was actively gnawing at her insides weren't too common, it wasn't... unusual for Heather to wake up a lot in the middle of the night. It had been that way ever since she was a little child.

Which might explain why she's looking at Cooper in a perceptive but distinctly childlike fashion, chin on her knees and head cocked sideways.

What did he have in that head of his to disrupt his sleep?

[tapestodiane]

There are a lot of ways he could answer that and he thinks them all through when he regards her. He's not sure what he wants to tell her - it's true that she's told him a lot lately, both the past minutes and the past few months, but ... well, he'll always be reluctant to share all the details.

Everything that troubles him remains his problems, and his faults, and it'll take something more than a general question to get him to talk about it.

"I'm an agent with the FBI. It goes with the job."

The answer is something of a compromise. It's very true that what he sees while on the job tends to get to him more often than it doesn't - but the way he looks a little guarded probably makes it clear that there's more to the story than that.

[foolishwren]

She's not gonna be satisfied with that, to put it bluntly.

Equal exchange, buddy.


... Or, well at least more-equal exchange.

She arches a brow, sitting up a little bit.

"Y'know, I just spilled my guts all over the floor. If you feel like gettin' something off your chest, you've got MORE than enough dirt on me now to make sure I don't squawk."

It's Heather's usual playful, slightly-challenging way of saying something with a meaning more sensitive than she usually felt comfortable coming right out with. Conversation too awkward? Put it in terms of a conflict! That's Heather's philosophy.

But no seriously Coop, she coughed up so now it's your turn. >8I

[tapestodiane]

That actually makes him grin and there's a quiet laugh to go along with it. That is a prompt if he ever heard one ... and she's right, really.

"Fair's fair, huh?"

He readjusts his position somewhat as well, and takes a moment while the smile fades. He's trying to get a good look at everything that's going around his head.

"It is part of the reason. When I first graduated the Academy I was assigned to the violent crimes task force. I only stayed there two years before I applied to be reassigned to the counter-intelligence division."

He pauses briefly, eyes drifting.

"I was working this case ... a man who picked up a number of male prostitutes. He abducted them, raped them, and shot them several times. It took us several days to make an arrest. When I asked him why he did it he told me his victims had asked him to."

It had been the last straw in a long line of happenings that finally made Cooper decide to get out of all that. It had been a little too much, at the time. Embezzlement and espionage had seemed like vacation.

"I only got back into violent crimes a year ago. ... well, two years ago. My boss wanted me back on the streets. But the things you see there can really get to you."

There you go, Heather. It's a start, isn't it?

[foolishwren]

It is a start!

And Heather, although she's had an unfortunately thorough (and personal) education in many of the things that people like Cooper were required to investigate, has no idea what it's like from the vantage point of the person putting the bad guys behind bars. Over and over and over and over again.

_{Maybe because NO ONE had put her bad guys away. Except for her, and Harry.}

"... Sounds rough."

The words themselves mean little, but there's compassion in her tone. And an unspoken prompt to continue. She's all ears and it's not like you can make her sleep any worse than she's already been sleeping.

[tapestodiane]

"It's not easy getting used to."

He knows several people in the Bureau who are much more jaded than he is. Windom had been one of them. And though he's gotten better at keeping the cases at bay himself, you can never quite keep any of them from getting under your skin. Especially when you confront the perpetrator.

Whether they're cold, delusional or genuinely regret the act, those people tend to linger even more than the victims.

... and he hears the 'go on' in her voice but isn't sure what else he can tell her about his job. He doesn't shrug, but there's a motion like maybe he would have, and then he gives her a faint smile.

"I originally wanted to join the circus."

Where he ended up is quite a far cry from that.

[foolishwren]

That gets a sort of bittersweet smile out of her.

Part of her wants to make a crack about 'WELL I GUESS THAT EXPLAINS WHY YOU LIKE HANGING UPSIDE-DOWN SO MUCH', but maybe she'll just save that one for another time.

Instead, she offers a slightly wry, "I guess things never work out the way we think they're gonna when we're kids, huh?"