route_1065 | (no subject)

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(no subject)

Who: [Bad username or site: deadfreesia title= @ livejournal.com] and [Bad username or site: secret_sword title= @ livejournal.com]
Where: Goldenrod City
When: November 8th
Summary: Aya sees the warning signs and wants to help Mamoru before it's too late.
Rating: PG most likely
Log:

Mamoru didn't need to be told there was more to this meeting than Pokémon training; the real request was for his presence. Aya wanted to talk. And the fact he wanted to do it in person rather than over the Gear meant it was probably both important and personal. Mamoru was not a fan of personal, and the important had a tendency to not be good news. The remainder of his journey to Goldenrod passed in quiet dread, with Mamoru wondering all the while what it was that needed discussion.

He was too responsible to break a promise, however, especially to Aya. He left Shiro in Ken's care and made his way to the meeting place. It seemed Aya was already there. Mamoru approached with lowered eyes, and no trace of the smile he'd put on for his video performance in Azalea.

"What's wrong? Aya-kun..."

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Leaning against a tree, he watched his evolved Eevee play with the ones who hadn't reached that point yet. There was a little smile one his face as he did. One thing he'd learned about this place was that they could be allowed peace. Like another chance somehow. He wondered though if Mamoru saw it that way.

Aya's instincts were good. He knew that something was going on with him. That the incident with his sister had started this. The warning signs were there and he knew the other well enough to recognize them.

So when he heard Mamoru, he looked over at him, offering a little smile. Of course he could see the lack of Shiro. He'd felt that the little Pokemon had been good for the Takatori. Like it had the power to really open his eyes to things. Which led him to starting the conversation off with, "I should ask that of you."

Edited 2011-11-08 22:30 (UTC)

"...Nothing."

Mamoru couldn't quite tell if that was a lie or not. He felt different from how he had for the past several months; there was no question about that. More desire to be alone. Less joy in the things he did. A compulsion to cut himself from the relations that he most treasured. His smiles increasingly being ones he wore for the sake of face rather than ones he felt in his heart.

It was different, but it was also familiar: this was how he'd felt at home. And the familiar was comfortable in its own right. Cold isolation wasn't happy, but it was what he was used to. And opening himself to the possibility of that status changing had not only hurt him, it was hurting someone else that did not deserve it. He could not understand, then, how reverting to old habits, and rectifying that problem of another's heartache, could possibly mean that something was wrong. This was how things were meant to be.

Wasn't it?

Aya lifted a brow before looking away to watch his Pokemon again. Really he didn't buy that for a second. Something was wrong. His instincts were screaming that to him and he wasn't about to ignore them. It was very rare for them to be wrong when they were trying to tell him something. Especially when it was important.

"Have you enjoyed being with us?" he asked after a moment or so, his voice calm and quiet. It was like he was asking it of himself rather than of Mamoru though it had obviously been directed at his companion.

That question was easy enough. The period where he had felt such warmth and enjoyment being with all of them was still fresh in his memory, and Mamoru intended to keep it that way. Even if he left, it didn't change that having one last chance to spend with all of them, and even to get to know Aya's beloved sister, had been an experience of great value to him. He would keep that time close to his heart for as long as he had the power to remember it.

"Yes. I'm grateful for the chance I've had to see all of you again."

"May I ask why you'd want to run from being happy?"

Aya slid his gaze back over to him. He wanted to see Mamoru's face when he talked to him. To see how he reacted to what he had to say. He wanted him to have this chance to be happy while he was here. It was right at his fingertips and it looked like he was about to run from it rather than take the chance.

He already knew what path he would follow back home. That didn't mean he had to here though.

In a way, Mamoru was surprised Aya even needed to ask such a thing. He averted his eyes.

"Well. Some things have changed, haven't they?" And it wasn't just about her. Mamoru felt himself closing off from all of them. It wasn't even an active, conscious decision. It was simply happening, as automatic as the hand removing its touch from a stove element the instant it's burned.

Edited 2011-11-08 23:55 (UTC)

"There once was a young man who felt the best way to deal with things was to shut down. To lock people out. He fought in his own path and every single day he felt the darkness closing around him. Loneliness, pain... It wasn't even something he thought about. It was just better that way." Aya paused a moment there, just to let that sink in a bit. He wanted Mamoru to really absorb what he had to say to him.

"What he didn't count on was that people would come into his life who truly cared about him. Who wanted his happiness. There were two options he had. On the one hand, he could run and remain in shadow. On the other, he could let them embrace him and bring him into the light."

Aya turned to face Mamoru, reaching out to rest a hand on his shoulder.

"I found my light. Is there a reason for you to wander in darkness here?"

Mamoru heard and listened; he understood the parallels. He caught the message that there were people here who wanted him to be happy. He remembered Aya telling him as much in Violet, too. He thought of the talk he'd had with him at the harbor in Japan: his wishing for the man's happiness, and the wishes of others being the reason Omi was able to be happy. Still he did not know how to answer Aya's question.

Because how did one explain the overwhelming compulsion to distance himself from everything that made him happy? Why did the feeling even exist? It wasn't rational, but it was undeniably there. Mamoru could feel the warmth of Aya's hand on his shoulder and stood in wonder of the paradox that its presence inspired both comfort and the desire to remove himself into solitude.

Several excuses came to mind. I don't belong here. I think it would be better for everyone that way. You and I are different. I don't think I'm someone who can be helped. None of them were voiced. Neither was the truth: that it was simply the path of least resistance at that point. It was easier-- more comfortable-- to shut down and shut out than to deal with any of it. Especially when, as far as Mamoru could see, it really did not matter so much as long as he fulfilled all of his responsibilities.

"Aya-kun..."

He felt a rise of guilt over his lack of receptiveness to Aya's efforts to help mixed with the gratitude that Aya cared enough to even try. He did not like disappointing his old friend, and failing to find the motivation to fight for happiness felt like it must be. He kept his eyes lowered in shame.

"I don't know. It's calling to me."

"I know."

He squeezed Mamoru's shoulder then went over to his Pokemon. Right away the Umbreon and Espeon came up to him, licking his face. Aya smiled at them, petting them gently for a moment or so.

"You know, I often have times here where I wonder if it would be better if I left the group to be on my own. The feeling pulls at me the way a siren's song would."

Mamoru always appreciated a smart metaphor. The irresistible pull towards something ultimately dangerous and unhealthy. Although he was surprised that Aya would even consider such a thing. He was happy here, wasn't he? He'd found his light.

"You've tied yourself to the mast well, haven't you?"

"One of my sailors would follow me into Hell and I'd rather lead him to Heaven."

That was what Ken deserved. Somewhere good. If he was really going to follow him anywhere then he had decided that the least he could do was pick a path that would lead him towards the light. To keep him safe. Or rather, try to keep him safe.

A soft, sad smile came to Mamoru's face. Ken. Aya was right, of course; Mamoru had heard for himself how Ken followed after Aya, and thought they were good for one another both in Johto and at home.

"He would. I'm glad that you have each other."

"You're on our ship now, Mamoru."

Aya looked over at him, a breeze brushing through his hair gently. There was a smile on his face still. He seemed at peace with what he had to say here.

"We're willing to tie you to the mast with us to keep you safe from the song."

Mamoru remained quiet for some time while that statement processed. It inspired a combination of gratitude, awe, dread and anxiety. But ultimately, it was also the end of a question. Aya must have understood the course of action he was considering, and had just made it clear it wasn't the option Mamoru thought it was. There would be no leaving the group now.

But with it came a bizarre sense of relief. The confirmation that he belonged amongst them even in spite of the way things were at home... And there might be times that it hurt but that didn't justify closing off. He couldn't expect to simply slip away and disappear from their lives. The concept might be frightening in its own way, but it was reassuring in another. Maybe that kind of an anchor was what he really needed.

"Aya-kun..."

He looked down and nodded his head. "Right."

And he meant it. Thank you, Aya.

Aya rose up and went over to Mamoru holding his hand out to him. He understood what he meant well. And he was going to extend the hand of friendship to him yet again. This was another person he wanted to protect, to keep safe. He would do all he could to manage it.

"Welcome back, Mamoru. We've missed you."

Mamoru's gaze shifted to the outstretched hand. That Aya continued to be such a friend, even after their paths had so clearly and irrevocably parted back home, meant more to him than he could ever express in words. He smiled a little more and took the hand for shaking.

"Thank you. It's good to see everyone again."

Mamoru hesitated for a moment before he continued.

"Although, there is one other thing, Aya-kun. I've been thinking..."

Aya could tell something was on Mamoru's mind. He tilted his head slightly as he waited a second before actually speaking.

"What is it?"

Mamoru walked to a sunny spot of grass and eased himself to the ground. He pulled a Pokéball from his arsenal and turned it over in his hands.

"I spoke with Tot over the Gear in Azalea. She called to warn me about Youji-kun. It seems she knows Youji-kun is Weiss but not that any of the rest of us were. And we're all traveling together. We're sitting on a time bomb."

Edited 2011-11-15 02:38 (UTC)

Aya frowned a little. However, it wasn't in disagreement for the situation. No, it was out of seriousness for this. He understood that this could shift the balance of everything.

However, running from it was foolish. "You want to tell her about the rest of us."

"Myself, at least. As things stand, she trusts me and considers me someone important because of my relation to Masafumi." And, though Mamoru hadn't said it, he had likewise come to consider her important to him. "If she learns that I was Omi, and that I kept this from her knowingly, the damage will be significant. And with the ever-present possibility Schuldig may come here a third time, it isn't a secret that can be easily trusted to remain so on its own.

"However, it increases the likelihood she will discover the tie you and Ken-kun had to Weiss. It's confirmation that one more of us belonged to it. I think it unwise to proceed because of that-- unless you and Ken-kun agree it's the right decision."

Aya nodded at that. He knew that Mamoru was right about this. All of that was very true. Yet, he was also aware that the danger about being discovered here wasn't as high. It was strange to think about but true all the same.

"I will leave it to your discretion, Mamoru. But I will trust your instincts on the situation." Which really said more than anything else coming from him.

Indeed it did say quite a lot. Aya's instincts were usually the ones that were right. Mamoru had to wonder if that was a signal that they were in tune with his reasoning.

He cast smile at the ground. "My instinct would be to avoid the problem, and hope it doesn't become an issue later. I think that I don't have good ones like you do, Aya-kun.

"But my belief is that it's better to endure a small storm now and eliminate the risk of a worse one later. I'm not the gambling type.

"That goes for you too, right?"

"Gambling is not something I prefer. Especially not with a risk as great as this one. Our main advantage is that it would seem that the information shouldn't impact us too negatively. We've shown no signs of being that way."

Aya shook his head and finally lowered himself to the ground to sit next to Mamoru. This place was so comfortable that it was easy to want to give in to the instinct to relax in the environment. Until moments like this came up.

"You are right though. It is better that this is dealt with now."

Mamoru nodded once, glad to have Aya's agreement at least that this was the best course of action.

"I'm going to pass on Tohru-san's Rapidash to her. As a Level 100, he'll add reassurance to her that she's protected, while his time with us makes him less likely to follow through on an offensive strike. The loss of the riding Pokémon shouldn't negatively impact us given the others we have available." And such a powerful gift would help to reinforce that they were no longer enemies besides.

Perhaps it was an overly calculating way to look at things, but one did not wear the shoes of Persia without some bleeding over. Strategically, it was best to line up every advantage and safeguard that he could.

"The fact that he's a beautiful creature will appeal to her more than anything else, I think."

It was easy enough to see Tot's childlike nature. As deadly as she was it seemed she would always be a little girl at heart. It was sad and yet it was a simple fact. Still, Aya nodded to show that he agreed with the idea of giving her a gift. Especially one such as that.

"If nothing else, Nagi will be able to convince her that the Rapidash can protect her."

It took a moment for that point to soak in. Aya was right, of course; funny how in the process of evaluating all of the options from a strategic point of view, one could completely overlook the simplest element.

"Yeah. In any case, I think it will be helpful."

He extended his arm and released the Pokémon from the ball he was holding. Shalena, his other Rapidash, took form on the grass a few meters away. Mamoru looked to his friend with a small smile; he was ready to make good on their original agreement.

"So it would seem we have some work to do to get her up to his level. What do you think, Aya-kun?"

"I think that I have a few Pokemon who would be interested in training with her to get her up to that level."

Sure enough, Cu was rushing up and running around her feet. He always was eager for moments like this, perhaps the happiest and most energetic of all his Pokemon thus far. Aya smiled when he saw the little leader of his pack jump at the opportunity before he rose to his feet.

"Shall we?"

Mamoru joined Aya in standing, warmed by the sight of Cu hopping around excitedly. He nodded to Aya.

"Yes. Let's go."

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