route_1065 | Never again will we fire this gun

Entry tags:

Never again will we fire this gun

Who:

usedkunai
Where: Breeding Centre/Centre House, Goldenrod City
When: December 15th, mid-afternoon.
Summary: Lots of talking and sorting out some awkward tension and things. Yep.
Rating: PG-13
Log:
[Since those missing days, Yosuke's been doing a pretty good job of avoiding Souji. After that dream -- or not dream, if memory served him right -- of speaking to Saki, of her saying they'd been married, things were falling into perspective. It's been nearly a month and a half since Souji did that... thing that he didn't wish to speak of. And just as long since he told Souji that he needed to think about it.]

[But he couldn't avoid it forever. Whatever is going to happen, however it turns out, he knows he has to face it. If he doesn't, things will just continuously get worse until their friendship really does fall apart. And despite everything, that's the last thing he wants. So with a reluctant motion, he steps into the office, knowing full well that's where he'd be.]

Yo, hahaha... [Chuckling very awkwardly.] Uh, you got a minute, dude? We... really need to talk.

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[ For this past month and a half, Souji has been keeping his distance, not pressuring things, watching his words even more carefully, everything that Yosuke has asked for. It has been nothing but awkward moments between them and it feels like they're growing more and more distance as the days past. It's all because of one screw up of his behalf and he still wonders if he could have taken it in a better approach, but the past is the past. You can't do anything to change it. He knows that best, so he does nothing but respect Yosuke's request and leave him be by traveling around Johto, staying in the office a bit longer, taking longer shifts, checking the foster home a bit longer, and just making extra care in not make Yosuke feel like he's suffocating. ]

[ So another day in their month and a half break from each other, Souji's sitting in the office of the Breeding Centre and taking care of papers as usual. He freezes when he hears the door opening and at the sound of Yosuke's voice, staying still for a full second before placing down his pen on the desk, taking notice that there's now a visible ink dot on his sheet from where he has pressed down a bit too hard and for a bit too long. He swallows hard and gives a small nod. ]

Yeah, sure. Sit down. [ He points to the chair in front of his desk, trying not too see almost nervous. ]

[He nods, going quiet for a short bit. Before sitting, he peers at the door, wary if anyone would try to come in during this. The last thing he needs right now is someone overhearing the things he's about to say. Yosuke closes the door tightly (and quietly), turning the lock. He presumes anyone would knock before coming in, but just in case -- it makes him feel a little bit better. He can feel his hands trembling as he does so; even his legs feel like jelly as he makes his way to the chair.]

[Yosuke then flops down in it, leaning forward and tapping his fingers anxiously against the desk. He doesn't look up at Souji, not yet. Instead, he closes his eyes.] I'm... not gonna mince words, okay? I kind of have... well, a lot of things I think I need to say.

[It doesn't quite occur to him just how bad that sounds. But still, he draws in a breath.] During those days we can't remember... whether it was a dream, or even something else, something kinda big. And weird happened.

I was... talking to Senpai. Saki-senpai, and she'd said... she'd said we were married. [He can't help it, he lets out a self-deprecating laugh.] Sounds kinda stupid, huh? Ahaha...

Anyways. That's really... not the important part about it, I guess. But it kind of just got me thinking about. Things. Y-you know, with- [He pauses, hesitating. He can feel how dry his mouth is getting just trying to breach the topic.] ...What happened before you left.

[ When Yosuke mentions about those three days and speaking to Saki-- being married to her, Souji freezes. It's not so much that he fears that might have a factor in being rejected, but how that might have affected Yosuke. That nightmare with Saki and Izanami a few months ago, it has taken a toll on him. It's obvious that it has had an effect on him and if he has really did speak to her, Souji can't even imagine how that must have been. He shakes his head when asked if it's "kinda stupid" but then stops as soon as it gets into the other subject; what happened before he left. ]

[ He feels his mouth going dry and his breathing slowing down. He shifts a bit in his seat, suddenly finding it uncomfortable. He tries his best not look away from Yosuke. He's been waiting for this for a month and a half for this moment. He's not going to back down now, but he doesn't speak until a few seconds later; ]

And what has it come to...?

I... [He hesitates, unable to find the words he really wants to use. Drawing in a breath, he runs a hand through his hair, finally looking up at Souji. The expression on his face makes Yosuke's chest hurt; Hearing his voice in that tone, fully knowing things are this way because of his own reservations with the situation makes his heart feel as if it's going to thump right out of his chest.]

I know I've said this before, but- [He pauses again, chewing on his lip.] Y-you're special to me, you know. I never really understood why. I just kind of felt like there was really something that set you apart... and not just because of everything in the other world, either. Just in general.

I was kind of starting to think about it before that stuff, but... I couldn't accept it. [He shakes his head; this isn't what he's supposed to be saying.]

I think I get it now, though. I wanted to be special, I wanted you to accept me... and when you did in a way I didn't expect, I freaked. Bad. None of that stuff that happened before, we can't change that and except for some stupid crap I said, I don't want to, either.

[He goes quiet. His cheeks and ears feel as if they're on fire, the embarrassment of trying to say any of this taking a stronghold.]

But... there's still a few... things. I guess.

[ His breath hitches and his hands on his lap tighten their grips on his knees. To hear all of this, he can feel his heart racing, but he manages to try and keep a straight face-- or at least as straight as it can. There's nervousness in his eyes and his breathing easily says that he's not as calm as he wants to be. ]

[ So far, it seems alright. These things, everything that Yosuke is saying so far seem to be shifting away from denial, but he needs to be sure. He needs know, to hear it straight out from Yosuke's own mouth. He doesn't want to assume anything, nothing at all. ]

Which are?

[He's quiet again. Each time a question is imposed, Yosuke finds himself searching for the right words, the right approach to a situation that is still incredibly hard for him to face. He knows though: He knows he has to be honest, both with himself and with Souji. If he doesn't, it would mean a lot of things that no matter what the situation, he couldn't properly face.]

[With another breath drawn in slowly, and exhaled just the same, he begins again. The passing seconds cause his heart to race even more.]

I'm not going to make promises I can't keep. You're... shit, you're an exception that I still don't know if I understand myself. [His eyes meet with Souji's very briefly, expression both nervous and apologetic as he palms the back of his neck.]

I don't know if I'll ever be able to... feel... some things? Or want to -- [Wincing a little. He still can't even bring himself to say it. Romancing a dude? OTHER THINGS WITH A DUDE? His brain still hasn't caught up with the idea yet.] Y-you know what I mean...

[Yosuke pauses again, he knows he needs to focus and not let himself get completely sidetracked by one small aspect of things, not in the middle of this.]

[He lowers his head, and though his voice is trembling, something about it is very firm.] I don't want to throw away chances in my life, though. We - we could leave tomorrow and never remember it. Something worse could happen. I-I don't want to live running from myself or my feelings... whatever the hell it is they are.

I want to try. I... need to find my own truth, and I don't think I can do that by pretending that what happened didn't mean anything. Or that we could just keep... being weird with each other. [His voice cracks slightly. The idea of losing his best friend is probably the most terrifying part of this all, and the thing that's been most prevalent over the last month and a half. Best friends - partners. Could he really let that slip away?]

Whatever you want to do, I'll try to accept it. Even if it means you want me to leave because of this stuff. [And back into self-deprecation, because clearly the fact that he's not completely willing will obviously make Souji hate him in the theatre of Yosuke's mind.]

[ He doesn't avert his gaze on Yosuke, sitting up straight and listening carefully, but the more he stares, the more that his chest contracts. The mere sight of the other, speaking with such a tremble and hesitation with his head drooping down low. It reminds Souji of the time by the riverbank all the way back in Inaba, back when they've been discussing about Saki. Watching his best friend, his partner, and his crush like this, it's heart breaking. He can really see just how hard Yosuke is trying at this, how much he has thought about it. He knows that this is not an easy task just to admit all this then even be able to try at something. True, it may not be all lovely-dovely-- that's not what Souji wants, but it's something. ]

[ He pauses for a few seconds, considering his decisions. There's truth in Yosuke's words, they might leave Johto at any moment and return without any memories. Just how many times has Yukiko come and gone, leaving the team in shambles, especially Chie? How about Naoto? Kanji? Even Yosuke himself has left, once while Souji has been Johto. Back then, he has moped around, feeling terrible for almost a week. So, if the two of them have actually got into a relationship, just how much worse will it be if one has just disappeared? All of that hard work, it'll go straight down the drain, but it doesn't matter. He has already had his decision made months ago, ever since he has started to leave messages on those coffee cups. ]

[ He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes for a second. When he opens them, he looks full of certainty. ]

I want to give it a try-- give us a try. We can leave any moment here, but it's something we can have for the meanwhile. I'm not expecting for things to go completely smoothly or that we rush into anything. We'll take things our own pace, what we're comfortable with. With how the relationship turns out, I'm willing to go through it with you, however way you want.

[ He knows Yosuke well enough that things will be off to a rocky start, that it'll be awkward, and take time, but everything, he's willing to get into a relationship, no matter at what pace they may go at. He just wants it that badly. ]

[Yosuke isn't sure why that reaction seems so surprising, especially not when Souji was the one who'd initiated a lot of this to begin with. It's just his nature, to expect the worst in any situation. If there's one thing Yosuke knows, it's that he's had his fair share of times that he was completely insensitive to the very topic they're dealing with now. Never once did he think anything could change his mind - taking a romantic interest in another guy seemed completely crazy to him.]

[But the tables have turned. He's still not sure: He's not sure if he'll ever really be able to share basic affections, let alone anything deeper. The spark that's stirred in him is so small, so minor right now. The one thing Yosuke does know is that he wants to be near Souji. Their friendship, their dynamic. Equals. Partners. Maybe it's not conventional, and maybe he doesn't fully understand his own feelings. The feeling of relief that washes over him hearing Souji's words though is immeasurable, as far as Yosuke is concerned.]

[He cups a hand over his mouth, drawing in a deep breath. He doesn't exhale immediately, but when he does, he emits a small sound.]

Dude. Souji, I... [Swallowing hard, Yosuke pauses. Keeping his composure in the face of a situation like this isn't easy for him. There's still a level of unease about pursuing this at all, and yet relief over the fact that Souji is still so forgiving, so willing to give him chances despite every last thing that's happened.] Thanks.

[He says it softly, eyes grateful for this.] I know it's not much right now. But shit, if we let this fester any more...

[Yosuke closes his eyes. What would have happened? Would their bond have broken? Would they have been able to stay friends in Johto - or out of it? Would they have thrown away so much over something that shouldn't be such a big deal?]

[ There's a small agreeable nod. This matter has been lying for way too long now. Including the month and a half of awkwardness between them, just all of the underlying attraction and confusion for months. To let it sit anymore will only end terribly for both of them. ]

[ He slowly gets out out of his seat and walks over to the other side of the desk to where Yosuke sits. He kneels down until he reaches about Yosuke's height and places a gentle hand on his shoulder, a gesture he has done so many times before. ] Our own pace, alright? [ He repeats. ] It's not much now, but we'll move along, as fast and slow as it gets. This is already step one.

[It's familiar and comfortable; There have been so many times in the past that Souji's done this. Regardless of how strange things have been, it puts Yosuke at relative ease to see things falling back into more normal routines already.]

I guess I can always rely on you for things like that, Partner. [He lets out a small laugh, some kind of acknowledgement that they were on the same page for the first time in what felt like forever.] You really are like no person I've ever met.

[ Souji responses with a small smile, giving a small squeeze. Oh Yosuke, sappy as ever, huh? It's nice though, having these kind of moments again. He has truly missed these. ]

I'll take it that's a pretty good compliment. [ He says in a joking tone, just like the good old times. ]

I dunno, man. I mean, you are pretty weird sometimes, you know that? [Letting out a laugh. Oh god, he's missed this so much.] Though I guess you're pretty good at hiding it.

Until you start talking. Hahahaha.

[ Souji lets go of Yosuke's shoulder and sits down cross-legged on the floor, laughing. ]

I don't know. I've heard I'm quite charismatic with my way of speech, Partner. Are you sure it's just not you?

Oh, yeah. I'm sure I believe that when you seriously answer a question with something like "I do not comprehend." [But still, he's laughing, giving Souji a light nudge with his foot. All the stresses of having to say those words just a few minutes earlier were being lifted. Not by anything particularly special, it's just the feeling of normalcy that he's been craving for months.]

[ He lightly slaps Yosuke's foot away with the back of his hand, still laughing with a grin on his face. ]

And what's wrong with that? There people who speak like that, y'know. [ and somewhere in an alternate universe of Earth, Gale has the suspicions of someone talking about him. ]

Dude, you're so missing the point! [Nudging harder. Don't push my foot away, bro.] Anyways, even if there are, you're not exactly one of them. And that's really only the beginning of all the ways Souji Seta is a weird guy...

[ Then fine, he's going to just grab onto that foot and hold it away from himself. Hope Yosuke likes to sit in an awkward position now. ]

Hey, what about all of your tales of you being just as equally weird? Remember when you've brought swords to the food court then waved them around right in front of a cop?

Urk--! Hey, come on! Let go, man, this is just weird!!

[Because weird hasn't become the running them of this conversation anyway. But here we go. Have an outburst, Souji.] THAT SO DOESN'T COUNT! They weren't even real swords and that cop totally overreacted!

[FUU]

Don't go nudging people with your foot then. [ But all still said in his joking tone. By the smile on his face, he really doesn't seem bothered. He still doesn't let go of the foot just yet though. ]

It so does count. Instead of putting them on the ground for the cop, you've waved them around in his face some more. Pretty weird, Yosuke.

That's not weird, it's stupid! Wait, that's not what I--- ARGH. [Everything is coming out wrong all the time forever. Shaking his foot though, by swiveling his whole body in the chair. This is totally a reasonable way to get free.]

You're totally at an unfair advantage right now, you know!

[ And Souji just responses to everything by giving a large burst of laughter. After everything, so much stress and tension, it feels really good to finally be back to their normal selves. ]

Gotta take every advantage you can get, but alright, alright. [ Letting go of Yosuke's foot now but hopefully, Yosuke doesn't swivel himself off the chair and onto the floor... ]

[He does almost fall, but he manages to catch himself. And immediately bursts into a fit of laughter that he can't even begin to control.]

[It takes a good few minutes before he does, and when he can finally edge in a few breaths, he has to stop to wipe the tears from his eyes.]

Man... hahaha... I can't even remember the last time I laughed like that....

[ Souji leans backwards, placing his weight back onto his palms. He follows in laughter for those few minutes, stopping half a minute before Yosuke, taking in deep breaths. ]

It has been in a long while. [ He pulls up one of his hands over to wipe his eyes as well before looking straight at Yosuke. ] We're back in action, Partner. [ Back in action to be their normal and dorky selves. All of it. ]

Me too, man. [There's still a bit of a laugh in his voice, but his tone is a bit serious - more genuine. That gratefulness is shining through as he finally stands from the chair and flops on the floor next to Souji.] I was starting to worry things would be weird forever.

[ Turning his head a bit to look over to Yosuke. ] I was getting worried as well, but we've made it through, even if it took us a while.

I guess that's the thing about best friends, huh?

[ And more, but Souji holds his tongue on that. ]

Got that right. [ He outstretches his fist a bit towards Yosuke. Look, brofists. He's learned a bit about this stuff from Johto! ]

[The motion brings a massive smile to Yosuke's face. He outstretches his arm to return the gesture. Despite everything, Yosuke looks more relaxed than he has in months.]

It's unbreakable, right?

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Never again will we fire this gun

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