No matter how you feel

[usedshooshpap]

Who: Vantas and Vanitas
Where: Goldenrod
When: 24th
Summary: Guilt trips to coffee shops after numerous arguments
Rating: PG-13 for laaanguage
Log:



[ he said five minutes and it takes a little longer than that. Karkat feels a touch guilty about today. can't seem to do a blasted thing right. not by Vanitas. not by Eridan either. but he can't just let the idiot sit out there and stew over it, nope.

so he snatches a few credits up and goes out to hunt down his friend. ]

Comments

[shadowdive]

Sounds like a cheapskate answer to me. [Quirking his head, but he's settling back into the chair, chewing a little vigorously on the straw to mask that his cheeks have taken a tinge of color again.

It was nice to hear.]

[usedshooshpap]

[ he rolls his eyes. Karkat takes another minute to finish his coffee. his fingers tap against the table, nerves sinking in. ]

[shadowdive]

[That nervous gesture of fingers tapping on the table eventually makes him turn and sit properly in the chair, sighing and leaning his elbows on his knees. Sitting on the edge of the chair, he folds his hands beneath his chin and waits for Karkat to start talking.]

[usedshooshpap]

This is going to be one of those 'I'm fucking up the moment' ordeals... Just so you know.

[shadowdive]

Don't know what you're talking about. [Just going to sit and wait.]

[usedshooshpap]

I couldn't answer your question because I can't. The reason why you were asking is probably because someone clued you in on your behavior or some shit like that. I don't read all of your conversations.

[ Karkat isn't stupid. he knows, for various reasons, that Vanitas likes him. it's actually pretty obvious and that's what kind of makes it... irritatingly sweet. because Vanitas, unlike others, really is experiencing it purely without all of the other shit getting in the way. the difference is that Vanitas just... doesn't know how to manage it or what to do with those feelings. that makes it hard and not just on Vanitas. Karkat too. ]

In other words, you already kind of know what it feels like so why should I explain? How can I when I just happen to be fucking cursed in the way of trying to maintain my own romantic relationships?

That and, uh. [ no blushing now. ] You really need someone a little less biased on the matter, you idiot.

[shadowdive]

[He half nods, but still frowns a bit, sitting up straighter and settling his hands in his lap.] I asked because I wanted to be sure it was labeled right. If someone told me wrong and I simply didn't know better, I'd be getting the wrong reaction. [Quirking his head a touch, he couldn't help zeroing in on that blush.]

Why would you be biased?

[usedshooshpap]

There are other people you trust. I know there are, so don't pretend that I would have been the only one to set you straight.

[ Karkat groans at the other question, rubbing his face. ]

Because of who you're crushing on, obviously!

[shadowdive]

[It never really... occurred to Vanitas that Karkat could have known. Could have just figured it out on his own. Losing the straw in his mouth from going a bit slack jawed, Vani just stared; this time, eye to eye, rather than looking at the red cheeks.]

You knew?

[usedshooshpap]

Well... Yeah. Goddamn, what do I spend most of my time reading and watching? What genre do I enjoy the most? To someone like me, it's obvious.

[ and more so now that he kind of... well he understands human romance a little more. not completely, but. ]

[shadowdive]

[His cheeks are heating and he's looking away finally, nervously crossing his arms and leaning all the way back into his chair.]

Well, I spoke with Ventus. So I was able to clarify if what I was feeling is really that, and it is. [SO. HOW BOUT DEM APPLES.]

[usedshooshpap]

I'm surprised that derpface would even know what romance is beyond magical fairy godmothers mixed in with princesses and princes. That not how it works in real life.

[shadowdive]

He told me what he knew, at least, and it sounded right. [But he does have to snort in agreement.]

[usedshooshpap]

I just want you to be sure, dumbass. This is one of those areas you've never developed the necessary knowledge in. You have a crush, now what? You don't even know what to do next, do you?

[ he shakes his head, rubbing his neck. nervous. stressed. ]

And those are things I can't help you with. Not because I wouldn't love to, but because it would ultimately be self serving in the end and fuck if I want anything built upon a foundation such as that.

[shadowdive]

No, but I don't think I would have gained one if I didn't trust you not to do anything harmful to it. [Uncrossing his arms and somewhat folding his hands in his lap, he still stays leaned back in the chair; it feels a little embarrassing to keep talking about it when they both know it.]

[usedshooshpap]

People crush on all kinds. Good people for them and bad. You can't always control who your heart goes after. Sure, I might not purposefully do anything to break your heart, but you don't know... I could still do it.

[shadowdive]

Is that why it's called a "crush"?

[usedshooshpap]

Because everything surrounding it hurts like fuck? You agonize if you're doing right by them. Hurt for them. Worry yourself fucking sick wondering if you matter to them as much as they do to you... Yeah, seems accurate.

[shadowdive]

[Dragging his heels a little on the carpet, Vanitas unfolds his hands and curls them into the cushions next to his legs, quiet, but leveling his gaze with Karkat's.

Yeah. Sounds about right.]

[usedshooshpap]

[ he's quiet for the moment. now comes the even harder part, he supposes. Karkat bites his lip, trying to figure out what to say. ]

Talked to Sollux. He's the one who actually had working quadrants. [ ignore they died, please. ] He says I should just try it and see what happens... This all quadrant/no quadrant shit that humans have.

I just have no fucking clue if the time's right.

[shadowdive]

It is, if you want it to be. [He hesitates saying it, swallowing and curling his fingers a little more into the cushions; the nerves are finally deciding to tell the rest of his body that he should be nervous. All at once, he's dealing with his gut flipflopping, his palms feeling sweaty, and he has to swallow for the third time in the last few moments.

Honestly, Vani really doesn't know what the next level, the next step is supposed to be.]

[usedshooshpap]

I feel like an ass saying this... But can you give me a little more time to think about it?

[ Karkat just needs to sit down and work things out. it's a lot to take in today, after all. being put on the spot never helps him. he makes rash choices and this is one he doesn't want to screw up like he did with Terezi. ]

Either way, I can't teach you what you need to know about this shit, so you'll just have to ask other people.

[shadowdive]

That's... fine. [He deflates a bit, but sucks in a breath and draws his legs up into the chair almost childishly; as if lazily looping his arms around his ankles and picking at the cushion isn't a form of protecting himself from his feelings.]

Since you insist so much, I'll figure something out. [Like who to ask.]

[usedshooshpap]

[ Karkat stands. he's still biting his lip. that just had hurt Vanitas and Karkat doesn't like it at all. but... but Karkat just can't completely agree yet. there are too many unknowns and awkward situations that arise from this. he's already insecure about not being good enough and there's a little fear that he might lose a really good friend out of this.

he stands before Vanitas and drops a head on that shoulder. ]

Just so you know, it means I like you back, fuckwit. It's really kind of hard not to. But I want this to be right, okay?

[shadowdive]

[Carefully, as if he might hurt something, Vani tips his head to gently rest it against the one on his shoulder. Hunching a little, it's more to cover that his cheeks are lighting up with hearing "I like you back" than to pull away in any sense. Sliding his heels a little but not dropping his legs, Vanitas tried to look at him without needing to turn his head.]

I.. alright. [He grips his ankles, but does nothing else.]