route_1065 | Felt as though my own kind were all that mattered, and kept me sane (SPOILERS FOR FMA.)

Entry tags:

Felt as though my own kind were all that mattered, and kept me sane (SPOILERS FOR FMA.)

Who: Frank Archer (

determinator); Solf J Kimblee (

explosivecombat)
Where: Olivine City
When: 07/31, evening
Summary: After an incident with powers in which Kimblee tried to kill Archer, almost three weeks' separation, a very small inbox war in which Kimblee started with the irrationality this time, and a stupidly awkward conversation that can only end in butthurt once they actually test this Magical Notebook theory of theirs out, these idiots are actually going to try to talk things out like adults, without getting into heaps of "no u."

TL;DR - LOOK AT ALL THIS MANPAIN.

Rating: PG? PG-13? One day I will learn how to rate appropriately idk
Log:

If there was one thing Johto seemed to enjoy, it was taunting Kimblee with those notes.

Mustang is back in Amestris by now, surely, and while none of his Pokemon had been entrusted to Kimblee's care upon his departure, that damned book had found its way back to him eventually. Following Winry's post to the network regarding Mustang's disappearance, Kimblee had gone through his possessions, and sure enough...

This is the second time that's happened, and the second time he's travelling to another city to give it to someone else. If the notes within it do contain some way to get home, Kimblee certainly doesn't know for himself; the circumstantial evidence is great enough for him to know not to chance it. Mustang hadn't seemed surprised by Kimblee's assertion that he had no use for the information himself, and there had been a silent moment of understanding in which it was plain that they both knew; however, Archer is still completely unaware that Kimblee has nothing to return to.

He'll avoid telling him if he can; it's not anything they need to discuss.

He had told Archer that he would send him a message when he arrived in Olivine City; however, upon his arrival, he finds that he doesn't believe that to be necessary. There's really only one thing that tended to draw Archer toward it here, the reason they had both been so fascinated by this place to begin with; if Archer isn't there, he'll try to send him a message through the 'Gear.

He recalls his Togekiss immediately and makes his way toward the ocean.

It takes a moment of looking, but he eventually finds Archer near the lighthouse - close enough to the ocean to be able to enjoy it, but not close enough to get sand all over that military uniform he always wears, and certainly not close enough to invoke the ire of the jellyfish.

The air is cool this evening, some of the passing showers having taken the edge off the heat, and the breeze coming in off the ocean is pleasant. Kimblee's hair is getting long, as he hasn't cut it at all in Johto; it's almost waist-length by now, though it's still thin enough for the wind to pick it up a bit, playing lightly through his ponytail and pulling one or two more strands loose to join the ones at the front.

He's holding the book to his chest, arms folded lightly in front of it; the position serves two purposes, really, the second being that it makes it decidedly less obvious that he's still shaking. The electricity has played with his nerves quite a bit; he's starting to relax overall, but his motor skills are still suffering, and he still shocks people on contact. The manic periods come and go; they're starting to get a bit less frequent, and he's had Isaac watching him, keeping him controlled.

He seems calm enough when he approaches Archer, though it quickly becomes fairly obvious why he had used text when contacting him earlier; the stress of the day has been agitating his condition. His voice is shaking a bit when he speaks, and he's still twitching quite a bit, almost to the point of appearing to have some sort of physical tic; he's still coherent, however, and much more sane-sounding than he was last time he and Archer tried to have any sort of verbal conversation.

"I know I said that I would contact you when I got into town; you'll have to forgive me for not doing so." He smiles a bit, though the expression is more distant than welcoming. "But somehow I thought I would find you here."

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Kimblee doesn't seem too fazed by the question, but he isn't exactly inclined to answer, either; as soon as Archer's taken the notebook, his hands are immediately buried deep within his pockets. He still has his gloves; though he doesn't have the suit jacket on, he still has the waistcoat and the overcoat on, as well as the tie. It's definitely unseasonably warm; he doesn't seem to mind, however.

"In what way do you mean?" The question isn't avoidant or pointed in any way; just requesting clarification, really.

"You're shaking a bit." Archer nods at Kimblee's hands. "I imagine it's just a side effect and nothing important, but..." He trails off then with a slight shrug.

"...ah. Yes, I'm fairly sure that's all it is; I did quite a bit while the mutation was still active, and once it began to fade, I may have overdone it somewhat. I'm sure it'll pass eventually, Archer; it's nothing to worry about."

Kimblee twitches slightly when he says it, but he doesn't pay it any mind, really; he's a bit preoccupied with the way that he can't get over how awkward this is.

"Was there something in particular you wanted to discuss with me?" Again, he doesn't seem like he's pressing one way or another for an answer; just curious. "You made this sound fairly important to you."

He nods at that; if Kimblee is certain it's not a problem, then it isn't a problem. Then again, they're on rather tense terms as it is, and if Kimblee did think it was a problem he probably wouldn't say anything... Archer dismisses that for the time being though, focusing instead of Kimblee's question.

"Ah, no, I suppose not. We've said everything there is to say, I believe."

He glances away while he speaks though - this isn't right. There has to be something he can say to fix this. He knows that's not how this works, but he hates the idea of simply letting a good ten months of friendship die like this.

"I just wanted to see you again, that's all."

"For what reason?" There's a bit more of an edge to his words there, but it isn't anything cruel; rather, it's the sort of tone he takes right before he starts pressing. Speak now or forever...forfeit your right to not be prodded mercilessly, basically.

Oh goddammit. It's sad that he can recognize that tone now...

"I didn't want to end it on such a terrible note. I don't want my last memories of you here to be... those."

Archer waves a hand airily; it's rather obvious he'd prefer not to go into detail there.

"I would prefer to remember things as they were for the most part; I figured meeting with you civilly would help."

Kimblee pauses for a moment; he knows it isn't something he should bring up, but...

"It's entirely possible you won't remember at all, you know. If anything, there's more evidence supporting the thought that you won't."

Archer stiffens, glancing away at that. He's entertained that possibility in the past; it was something he could very easily deal with months ago. Now? He doesn't want to think about it.

"...I know."

He doesn't say anything else though and keeps his attention on the ocean rather than Kimblee. There's nothing for him to say about it. If he returns home with no memories of this place... it's not a pleasant thought. He's learned more about himself - and Kimbley - here than he ever would have gathered back home. Archer can't imagine returning home with no memories or Kimblee either. It's simply not something he wants to think about.

Kimblee hesitates for a brief moment, then slides his hands out of his pockets again; there's a light sound of static while the fabric rubs together, and he bats lightly at the overcoat in an attempt to get some of it out before he closes the distance between them a bit.

The contact he establishes is light, in an attempt to minimize the light shock that he knows is going to be transferred on contact; it's mildly unpleasant, but not unbearable, and as soon as that's out there his grip firms up a good amount. He doesn't move to stroke Archer's hair, as he normally would in situations like this; while it's still the default response, the easiest way to reset the status quo...again, the situation isn't normal anymore, and he makes a point of not doing that sort of thing in public besides.

"Talk to me, Archer."

Archer nearly pulls away at first - it's a combination of the shock and the fact that he's still hurt by Kimblee's text earlier, but after a moment of staring at Kimblee's hand (almost as if trying to figure out if Kimblee would shock him again), Archer finally returns his grip and goes back to staring at the ocean.

The question gets a slight change in Archer's expression - it's impossible to tell just what it was other than a quick facial twitch, but Archer wrestles that under control easily enough. It's the emotions that are telling though; relief, frustration, pain, and contentment, just to name a few. He's not aware he's broadcasting them, but he does make a valiant effort to crush them after a moment.

He's not really sure what to do with the fact that just a touch and those familiar words can get so much out of him.

"I've already told you that I wish things would go back to the way they were." Archer's voice is quiet but emotionless. "But that's not the issue here. I... I'm not sure I want to return home."

It actually feels good to say that, and again the relief is obvious. "I know I have to; I have to deal with what I started. But there's... there's nothing for me back home."

"...I see."

For a long moment, that's all Kimblee offers him; he glances away, looking at the ocean. The sun is beginning to sink below the horizon by now; it's beautiful. It takes his mind off of that brief non-look Mustang had given him when he'd told him what amounted to the same thing - that leaving didn't interest him, that he had nothing left. That moment when he'd realized that Mustang knew, had known this entire time, and yet had never used that against him despite having had many opportunities to do so.

All awkwardness about having what amounted to A Goddamn Moment with Mustang aside, it had been something of a relief to know that someone else was aware of the situation. It had been different than it was with Isaac, who's in the same situation that Kimblee is; this was someone else who still had something to return to, that had actually had the decency - for whatever reason - to not bring up the differences in status to him. He understands, then, the feeling that he's reading off of Archer now; he also knows that he's going to have to tell him. Perhaps not now, but soon.

"You don't have to leave now. Simply because you can doesn't mean you're obligated."

That does get Archer to look at Kimblee, expression still unreadable. He's not entirely sure what he's feeling other than surprise. "You're the last person I expected to hear that from. Didn't you say it would be foolish to remain here when I have consequences to take?"

Archer glances down at the notebook again, silently wondering if it really does hold the key to returning home. It's almost frightening to think that Hughes and Mustang discovered that and were returned home. Did they even want to go?

He's distracting himself from Kimblee's words and he knows it. Archer isn't sure what to do with that; Kimblee's being encouraging now? Why the hell would he bother? It's none of his business anymore, he's all but said so himself. Archer isn't aware of it, but his grip on Kimblee's hand tightens a bit; he does appreciate Kimblee's words.

"Circumstances have changed since then." Kimblee glances down for a moment, looking at that spot where their hands are joined - his eyes narrow a bit, but he doesn't seem altogether displeased with it, and he doesn't move to pull away from Archer, either; it isn't long before he's returned his attention to the conversation, looking back up at Archer's face. "We understand more about how this world works, and how it relates to things here - or, perhaps more to the point, how it doesn't relate. It would be foolish to remain here if it prevented you from taking those consequences at all."

He twitches again, the tic strange and almost violent, his body tensing sharply before he seems to force himself to relax; he still doesn't try to get away from Archer's grip, but he does look away, his expression dark. As much as it bothers him to admit it, his words are blatant hypocrisy and he knows it. After all, the circumstances of his death was his own fault, weren't they? It was nothing but the result of his own choices, and as such he should be willing to take the consequences for having made those choices to begin with. Yet he's content with using this world as a chance to avoid all of that - to convince himself that he was granted a second chance, some sort of rare opportunity - when he knows that, in all blunt honesty, he's using Johto to cheat death.

The thought disgusts him, but at the very least it's fleeting; he's able to return his gaze toward Archer before too long.

"There have also been a few things that I've come to terms with here; my own situation isn't exactly promising."

That much is certainly true; they know more about this world and how it relates to their own (or rather doesn't) than they did months ago. He nods slightly, more to himself than to Kimblee - that makes sense. He can see why Kimblee would say that now. It's comforting.

The twitching gets Archer to glance up, expression bordering on worried for a moment before he controls it. Kimblee is just adjusting to losing the powers, that's all. He's fine. The expression isn't something that Archer likes though, but he doesn't press for Kimblee to speak about it. He knows better than to try to get Kimblee to talk now, when they're finally returning to being on civil terms with one another.

"You said you were in a fight." Archer replies slowly. He doesn't like where this is going. "Are you in a position to lose?" Losing a fight is one thing, but that's not where Archer's mind goes immediately. There are people here who were taken before their deaths, like Hughes. Would it really be so ridiculous to believe that Kimblee was taken right before dying?

"The problem isn't that I'm in a position to lose, no." Kimblee shakes his head as he says it, and the smile he gives is incredibly dissonant; the expression is cold - it's a purely physical reaction, one that happens because he isn't sure what else to do with his face. His body smiles, but it's plain that he doesn't.

"The problem is that I've already lost."

Archer felt himself freeze at the remark - that almost offhanded remark, like it didn't really matter that he'd just admitted to being dead.

"Wh-what?"

Did he mishear that somehow? He must have misheard that. There's no way... Kimblee said he was alive. He said he was in the middle of fighting. Why would he lie about that?

But of course Archer knows why. It hadn't taken Kimblee long to learn about Kimbley and the fact that his death had screwed Archer up far more than he cared to admit. It would have been stupid to admit to being dead. Besides, they hadn't really known each other in the beginning - there was no reason for Kimblee to tell him that. But why hadn't he said anything sooner? Did he really think that Archer would freak out about it?

...Well, considering how tight his grip has gotten on Kimblee's hand, that was a fair assumption. Archer forces himself to stop clinging, though he doesn't let go. Archer closes his eyes and tries to calm himself down, though he's still projecting shock and confusion.

"You're... you're dead, then." Just humor him, Kimblee. He needs the clarification.

Kimblee's grip tightens a bit when Archer's does, though the gesture is purely through reflex; he allows Archer to react to it, is incredibly aware of the emotions flooding off of him - clearly some bizarre side-effect of the psychic abilities Archer had obtained earlier, as Kimblee is good at reading others but he isn't quite this good - but he doesn't seem affected or bothered by it. He stopped feeling anything regarding his death quite some time ago - for a while there was anger, but even that's faded by now. It's something that happened, and there's nothing to be done; he's long since stopped caring, and he sees no reason to start again now.

"Yes." His voice and expression are oddly calm, given what he's discussing; his grip loosens a bit on Archer's hand, though he doesn't move away. "Back in Amestris, my body was killed about twenty-four hours ago; my soul is in the process of dying, if it hasn't already. The situation is complicated, but that isn't terribly important, I suppose; the point is that there's literally nothing for me to return to."

It's when Kimblee's grip on his hand loosens that Archer tightens his again. It's a stupid, reflexive move done out of fear - almost as though if Kimblee lets go he'll be gone for good. Archer knows that's ridiculous; there are people here in Johto who are dead in their worlds. Kimblee's not simply going to disappear. But that doesn't change the sudden flash of fear any. Losing Kimblee would be so much worse than fighting with him.

He doesn't understand how Kimblee's soul and body can die separate deaths, but now really isn't the time to question that. What matters is that Kimblee is dead back home. He's dead and he didn't say anything and he literally has nothing to return to. Archer shakes his head slowly, trying to put it all together and failing. He can't quite wrap his head around the entire thing.

"I'm... I'm so sorry." The words are genuine, if a bit stunted. "I didn't realize..."

"Of course you didn't, Archer; I never told you. It isn't something that I broadcast, after all."

Kimblee oddly seems to relax a bit then; he's smiling again, and though it's that odd, intentionally cute smile, that doesn't make it any less genuine. A bit dissonant, perhaps, but it isn't forced at all.

"I find that there's nothing to be sorry about - it literally doesn't matter here. I'm not in any pain, and it really doesn't have any effect on what I can do physically; it's very difficult to die here, and even if one somehow manages it, one doesn't stay that way. I can't use alchemy, of course, but I prefer that over no longer existing, and in some ways, this place is better than Amestris - I'm sure you've noticed that for yourself. I'm rather content here, overall. You don't have to be concerned on my behalf."

That expression has never sat right with Archer and he can't say he's pleased to see it appear now, in a situation like this. Still, he doesn't say anything, waiting until Kimblee has said his piece. That much is certainly true - this place is better than Amestris and of course it beats being dead. But still...

"I know I don't have to be."

It's a simple statement, but quite the familiar one. He doesn't have to worry about Kimblee. He'll do it anyway.

"Thank you for telling me."

Kimblee recognizes the statement, of course; it is incredibly familiar, and it seems to actually calm him down quite a bit - not the odd, dissonant calm that he was displaying just moments ago, but something genuinely relaxed.

"Of course, Archer."

He keeps his grip on Archer's hand, though it's partially to keep himself from shocking him again; he reaches out with his free hand, running his fingertips gently through Archer's hair, tousling it a bit before repeating the light stroking motion again. It's something he normally avoids in public, but he's reasonably confident that there's no one around.

"As I've said before, you've been good to me."

That certainly pleases him, if the happiness vibes are anything to judge by. Archer relaxes immediately, moving to rest his head against Kimblee's shoulder. He doesn't exactly latch on, but it's obvious he's thinking about it.

"I do what I can. You know that." He's already apologized for the misunderstanding and almost offers it up again - but why remind Kimblee of that and ruin things? Things are finally going back to normal despite everything he's just heard from Kimblee. He's still in a state of shock and he's not fully processing just what Kimblee said, but this is nice. It's good to have something normal for a change.

Out of all the emotions Archer has been sending to him over the last little while, Kimblee supposes it's probably telling when the happiness vibes are the most difficult for him to recognize. He's never been completely devoid of positive emotions, and he's certainly familiar with contentment and pleasure; at the same time, happiness in any genuine sense is strangely foreign. He knows it's counterintuitive to find it unpleasant; at the same time, it's overwhelming to a point where he finds himself feeling more overstimulated and oddly uncomfortable than all right with it.

"Yes, I'm aware."

He's also aware that what happened earlier needs to be addressed; the thought of doing that is even less comfortable than dealing with whatever Archer is sending him, but he's never really been one to shy away from things like this.

"...I understand what you were trying to tell me earlier, you know. And what you were trying to do at the time. I didn't...it wasn't handled very well."

Archer certainly doesn't like the shift in topic any. If they start arguing again... But he finally draws back a bit, still keeping hold of Kimblee's hand and once again glancing away.

"Understandably so. As I said, we both made mistakes and it was ridiculous of me to assume you were following the exact same train of thought. Again, I apologize."

It should be fairly obvious that he doesn't want to discuss this at all, but Kimblee isn't attacking him or blaming him for anything. It's possible that they can fix things and move on, right?

Kimblee tips his head a bit at that; he can tell that Archer is bothered by this, but he can't exactly tell why he seems so anxious about it. This is a positive understanding to be coming to, isn't it?

"Something else on your mind?"

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