route_1065 | Felt as though my own kind were all that mattered, and kept me sane (SPOILERS FOR FMA.)

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Felt as though my own kind were all that mattered, and kept me sane (SPOILERS FOR FMA.)

Who: Frank Archer (

determinator); Solf J Kimblee (

explosivecombat)
Where: Olivine City
When: 07/31, evening
Summary: After an incident with powers in which Kimblee tried to kill Archer, almost three weeks' separation, a very small inbox war in which Kimblee started with the irrationality this time, and a stupidly awkward conversation that can only end in butthurt once they actually test this Magical Notebook theory of theirs out, these idiots are actually going to try to talk things out like adults, without getting into heaps of "no u."

TL;DR - LOOK AT ALL THIS MANPAIN.

Rating: PG? PG-13? One day I will learn how to rate appropriately idk
Log:

If there was one thing Johto seemed to enjoy, it was taunting Kimblee with those notes.

Mustang is back in Amestris by now, surely, and while none of his Pokemon had been entrusted to Kimblee's care upon his departure, that damned book had found its way back to him eventually. Following Winry's post to the network regarding Mustang's disappearance, Kimblee had gone through his possessions, and sure enough...

This is the second time that's happened, and the second time he's travelling to another city to give it to someone else. If the notes within it do contain some way to get home, Kimblee certainly doesn't know for himself; the circumstantial evidence is great enough for him to know not to chance it. Mustang hadn't seemed surprised by Kimblee's assertion that he had no use for the information himself, and there had been a silent moment of understanding in which it was plain that they both knew; however, Archer is still completely unaware that Kimblee has nothing to return to.

He'll avoid telling him if he can; it's not anything they need to discuss.

He had told Archer that he would send him a message when he arrived in Olivine City; however, upon his arrival, he finds that he doesn't believe that to be necessary. There's really only one thing that tended to draw Archer toward it here, the reason they had both been so fascinated by this place to begin with; if Archer isn't there, he'll try to send him a message through the 'Gear.

He recalls his Togekiss immediately and makes his way toward the ocean.

It takes a moment of looking, but he eventually finds Archer near the lighthouse - close enough to the ocean to be able to enjoy it, but not close enough to get sand all over that military uniform he always wears, and certainly not close enough to invoke the ire of the jellyfish.

The air is cool this evening, some of the passing showers having taken the edge off the heat, and the breeze coming in off the ocean is pleasant. Kimblee's hair is getting long, as he hasn't cut it at all in Johto; it's almost waist-length by now, though it's still thin enough for the wind to pick it up a bit, playing lightly through his ponytail and pulling one or two more strands loose to join the ones at the front.

He's holding the book to his chest, arms folded lightly in front of it; the position serves two purposes, really, the second being that it makes it decidedly less obvious that he's still shaking. The electricity has played with his nerves quite a bit; he's starting to relax overall, but his motor skills are still suffering, and he still shocks people on contact. The manic periods come and go; they're starting to get a bit less frequent, and he's had Isaac watching him, keeping him controlled.

He seems calm enough when he approaches Archer, though it quickly becomes fairly obvious why he had used text when contacting him earlier; the stress of the day has been agitating his condition. His voice is shaking a bit when he speaks, and he's still twitching quite a bit, almost to the point of appearing to have some sort of physical tic; he's still coherent, however, and much more sane-sounding than he was last time he and Archer tried to have any sort of verbal conversation.

"I know I said that I would contact you when I got into town; you'll have to forgive me for not doing so." He smiles a bit, though the expression is more distant than welcoming. "But somehow I thought I would find you here."

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"No."

Kimblee pulls his hand away at that, abruptly, trying to break Archer's grip in one quick movement.

"Clearly, I can't say anything without you making some sort of assumption as to my motives. If you don't do that, you assume I have the reasoning skills of a child. This was a mistake; if you have nothing further to say to me, I believe we're done."

Archer is too stunned to react at first, and by the time he's gathered his wits Kimblee has already broken his contact. Archer's expression is blank for a moment while he tries to process that. Then the emotions give way and suddenly he's projecting far too much at once - pain, anger, hatred even - and for once he doesn't bother trying to crush the feeling down or control his expression or tone.

"So that's it? You expect me just to deal with the fact that you're dead? You think you can just... tell me something like that and then decide that this is a mistake? This is not a goddamn mistake! It has never been a mistake! If it was a fucking mistake you would have left months ago and you fucking know it!"

Archer hasn't had a shrieking fit in quite some time. It seems he's a little out of practice.

"I am sick and fucking tired of catering to your whims! You didn't want to deal with things earlier, fine, I let you go. You suddenly want to act like everything is fucking fine, then great. But now we're going to separate again because I made another fucking mistake? Do you realize how fucking manipulative you're being?"

Archer jabs a finger at Kimblee's chest, heedless of the shock he's bound to get. "Not everything is about you! I have tried to deal with your fucking selfishness for months and this is the thanks I get? Guess what? I make mistakes. If you're going to threaten to leave every single goddamn time I make a mistake then fine! Fuck! You!" The last two words are accentuated by pointed jabs to the chest. The entire time the emotional vibes Archer's been giving off have been increasing to the point where they're nearly as powerful as what he's actually feeling. Needless to say, he's furious.

Kimblee doesn't move while Archer screams at him, though judging from his expression, he's incredibly displeased; he allows the strikes against his chest, even, though after those final two, he doesn't seem too inclined to allow Archer to continue with it - he grips Archer's wrist firmly, the motion quick, not caring that he's going to be shocking him in the process.

He isn't yelling when he addresses him; to the contrary, his voice has gone very, very quiet.

"If you want to discuss mistakes you've made, Archer, then fine. We'll discuss mistakes. I can acknowledge that you've made plenty of mistakes. Right now? You're going to consider exactly how many times I've threatened you, in all seriousness, with leaving since that incident in February. Figure out exactly how often it's been. And after you've worked out a number, you're going to tell me what was happening when I threatened you with it.

Because I can guarantee that number is not as high as you're claiming it is, and that I've held to my word of not threatening you with that unless I had a very valid reason to want to leave."

Archer flinches a bit at the shock, but he doesn't pull away. He is silent after a moment to take Kimblee's words into consideration before shaking his head. "That's not the goddamn point! You don't have to actually threaten to leave; you know that as well as I do! You just have to look ever-so-slightly displeased and I immediately work to correct the behavior. You know that's how I work and you can use that to your advantage! You never have to go back on your word that way!"

He finally moves to try to break away from Kimblee's grip, still glaring. "You're still focusing on only one issue here. You're a manipulative bastard and I'm sick and fucking tired of dealing with it! If you're going to keep being this way and expect to always get your way whenever you're even slightly displeased, then you have another fucking thing coming! I'm not going to deal with your shit anymore, Kimblee. Either this relationship is going to operate under your ideal "Equivalent Exchange" or I'm done. I'm not putting up with this anymore!"

Kimblee usually doesn't respond to these sorts of things with yelling; his voice has always been quiet, higher-pitched, and so yelling never really carries very well.

"Will you listen to yourself?!"

He's certainly yelling now.

"You're telling me that I'm not allowed to react to anything - I'm not allowed to express any displeasure at all - without you taking it as me trying to manipulate you!"

He pulls back a bit, though the motion is more defensive than anything; he clearly isn't sure what to do with himself, physically, but it's unusual that he withdraws at all, rather than attempting to confront - it's obvious that this is getting to him rather badly, but he's not quite finished with it, either.

"Have you been listening to yourself at all during this entire argument? You didn't acknowledge that I might want some distance from you; you 'let me go.' It's selfish of me to not just shrug off any mistakes you make, regardless of how they affect me. Expressing that I might not like something is manipulating you. If you don't give me permission to do something, and I pursue it because I want to, you order me to tell you what I'm doing. Do you think you own me?"

He closes his eyes for a moment then, trying to get his breathing under control; when he speaks again, his voice is quiet, though it's definitely shaking again.

"Answer that honestly. Do you think you own me?"

That does get Archer to pause for a moment. Kimblee has never yelled at him. But he's far too riled up at this point to care.

"Don't be fucking stupid, Kimblee. Of course I don't own you. I don't own you anymore than I owned Kimbley."

He waves a hand dismissively; that thought doesn't concern him at all.

"You're doing it again! Everything is my fault, isn't it? You don't even stop to acknowledge that I might have a fucking point to what I'm saying. I wouldn't be this upset if this didn't keep fucking happening! Every single time I screw up - and I'm not talking about the shit that happened in Goldendrod, where yes I can see why you'd need your space - I'm talking about the minor, daily things that get you to... to look so fucking irritated with me. You get frustrated with me so easily and it's like walking on eggshells around you to make sure I don't piss you off because guess what, you can just march out the door whenever the fuck you feel like it and I can't do anything.

"I'm not telling you to shrug off all the mistakes I've made! I'm asking you to stop being a manipulative little bitch. If I make one wrong move - one mistake - you're going to get back up on your high horse and fucking leave because you don't want to put up with this shit. Has it ever fucking occurred to you that I can't leave?"

Archer's voice breaks there and he shakes his head, taking a moment to breathe. He can't calm himself down now - he hasn't been this angry in months.

"I am completely dependent on you. I can't function without you around and whether you know that or not, the way you're treating me is manipulative. If you refuse to even try to work with me then fine. I'll return home. I hope I won't have any memories of this place."

Edited 2012-08-01 08:28 (UTC)

Kimblee listens to that, his eyes widening quite a bit before he seems to get a grip on himself.

"What sort of daily things are you talking about?"

His tone is incredibly curt, but at the same time, he doesn't seem to be looking for anything to pick apart; it's more through frustration than anything.

"I don't have any idea what you're talking about. I'm not trying to blame you for anything at this point, but you do have a tendency to connect things that look completely unrelated from the outside and expect me to follow exactly what your thought process did to form that connection. I can't follow this, and I don't know what you're talking about."

"You... you get this expression on an almost daily basis. I say or do something and that's your response. I don't know how to describe it, but you look completely displeased with me and so I have to back up and try not to make the same mistake again."

Archer's no longer shrieking, but it's obvious he's still irritated. It didn't occur to him that Kimblee had no idea what his face was doing - it's something Archer understands all too well, after all. Kimblee seems to have a better idea of his expressions, though.

"It seems like you get frustrated with me very easily."

"...from what I've heard, I have no poker face to speak of, and apparently I've been looking at people like they're all damned idiots since I was a child. This isn't exactly a new development, from what I understand."

He pauses for a moment, almost hesitant, before continuing; it's fairly obvious that he has no idea what just happened here, but he's trying to work through it anyway.

"You're also aware that I'm...not exactly like everyone else; I'm often frustrated with things others do, it's just how things are."

That's... very true... Come to think of it, Archer can't imagine Kimblee as a child at all. He must have been the creepiest little kid...

Ah, right, that's not the point. "Yes, I know that. But it's different with us. We understand one another in a way that most people don't. So when you look at me like that it feels like I've... screwed something up somehow."

Archer finally glances away, focusing on the ocean again. He's not sure what happened, but suddenly he's not shrieking or wanting to hurt someone anymore. He's still tense and more than a little irritated, but that's being covered adequately by confusion. What the hell happened?

...Not going to lie, he feels vaguely cockblocked. Thanks, asshole.

"You can't just move the boundaries like that." Archer may have replaced some of the rage for confusion, but it's obvious that Kimblee is still biting back some rather massive amounts of frustration. "You're saying that I'm being manipulative toward you based on what you think I should be doing, not what I've always done."

"It wasn't this bad before." ...Hang on, give him a moment not to sound quite so sullen. "Before the Masquerade, I mean. You never gave me that look back then."

He pauses for a moment, carefully evaluating Kimblee's words and thinking it through. He's misread Kimblee plenty of times before. Is that all this is?

"...It feels like you're being manipulative. Is that better?" That's a genuine question, not sarcasm.

"In some ways, yes."

That much is genuine, at least. At the same time, Kimblee falls quiet for a moment, both for the sake of seeking words and trying to find a way to keep from facepalming violently; he manages to succeed in both endeavors, though it's more difficult than he'd like it to be.

"Does it really not occur to you that perhaps that incident made me a bit wary of you? Constantly shifting your behavior to cater to my reaction doesn't help - if anything, it makes you look suspicious. Perhaps I've been misreading it, and been a bit harsher on you than I should; at the same time, I never asked you to do anything like that, and I never threatened to leave before this last incident.

"You also have a tendency to tell me things just to try to win me over; it's not something that inspires confidence, I'll tell you that much now. You say that you understand if I don't trust you again for a while, then begin acting strangely and thinking I'm manipulative when I don't trust you immediately. You tell me that you know something you're doing is going to bother me, that I have problems with it, but you act as though I'm either an idiot or a child when I express that I don't like what you're doing - that I 'don't understand' or that it's for my own good, and you have to have a third party explain that perhaps I may have had a serious problem with your actions. You don't seem to realize that I don't care what you think I want to hear. If you want this to work at all, you need to tell me what the status quo actually is, rather than telling me things just to try to keep me happy and expecting me to read your mind and know when you aren't.

"I know that I'm difficult to work with, Archer. I heard a fair amount when I was made to work with people in the past - that I'm overly demanding and aggressive and impossible to talk to because I always have to be 'right,' that I'm prideful and arrogant and act as though everyone is below me, that I overestimate myself and try to work through things on my own when that really isn't appropriate, that my way of handling certain issues is so distant or cold that I don't even seem human. If you've thought it, chances are that I've already heard it, and I work alone because I know I've never worked well with others; I'm willing to try to work with you because you seem to understand where I'm coming from better than most do. So if you're not understanding something or you're taking up issue with something I'm doing, you need to tell me; I'm far more difficult to truly offend than you seem to think I am, and I'm aware that people take up issue with the way I work. This isn't new information to me, but I can't amend anything if you don't tell me what needs to be amended in the first place."

Archer doesn't say anything at first, giving himself a long moment to take all that in. He's surprised when the anger doesn't return. The frustration is still there of course, but it's no longer entirely aimed at Kimblee. He's not sure what it was about the explanation, but something in it has calmed him down enough to think rationally. He understands that he has every right to be upset and to be hurt, but Kimblee's made it quite clear that Archer's interpretation of things was entirely different. Archer stares at the ocean for quite some time, trying to find something to say in response to that. He normally doesn't have this much trouble with words - but this isn't exactly a normal situation.

"I'm sorry."

The apology is soft and Archer sounds more exhausted than anything. It's genuine though, and he elaborates, "I expected things to go back to the status quo and when they didn't... I wasn't sure how to react. I thought pleasing you would keep you from leaving.

"I know you said you wouldn't leave unless you had a good reason. But you have to understand, Kimblee, I don't always know what qualifies as a 'good reason' for you. Yes, the incident at the Masquerade made sense, but that was only after I sat down and analyzed the entire thing. It took me far more time than it should have. Yes, this past time makes sense as well, but as you said, I needed a third party to explain it to me because I couldn't look past my own reasons for doing it."

Archer falls silent again, moving to run his free hand through his hair. This is way harder than it should be.

"I apologize if this sounds like I'm merely making excuses. I want you to understand that this isn't easy for me either, Kimblee. You're... You're one of the few people I actually care about here and I hate upsetting you. I know it keeps happening but--!"

The rage flickers out just as quickly as it appeared though, and Archer shakes his head. "It's my own fault, I know."

Kimblee's last statement is something Archer knew, yes, but it's strange to hear him admit to it. Kimblee, admitting to his own faults? It would be amusing if the situation were any different. It does express just how grave the situation is though; Kimblee wouldn't be saying such things unless he had a damn good reason for admitting to them.

"Again, I apologize. I thought it would be better to try to keep the status quo regardless of how I felt at the moment. Obviously that was a terrible idea." Just look how well it's turned out. "I... would like to try to make this work."

That's very hesitant once it's out there, and Archer is suddenly staring at the ocean again. He hates feeling vulnerable like this - he's never been able to open himself up very easily, and leaving himself wide-open like this agitates him more than it probably should. It's Kimblee, after all. Kimblee has never intentionally hurt him. Archer still can't help but feel that there's a first time for everything, especially now.

In all fairness, Kimblee isn't so much admitting to his faults as he is admitting to faults others perceive him as having; he doesn't really care one way or the other, and he never really has. What he does know, however, is that he's difficult to work with; that much is an admission. He's never gotten along well with others; it had never truly been a problem for him until he had arrived in Johto.

There are a lot of things to address in what Archer has just said, many possible routes the conversation could take; however, there's one thing in particular that's going to bother him if it isn't discussed, so it's probably best to start there.

"After the Masquerade...you honestly didn't realize what the issue was in the first place?" His voice sounds a little incredulous and his expression is implying that his brain may have, in fact, just burst into tears again, but at the very least, he seems as though he's trying not to judge - although the fact that he's very obviously just made of 'WAT' at the moment likely isn't helping. "Is that what you're telling me?"

Of all things to get stuck on... "Yes. I was focused more on why I acted the way I did rather than what you experienced. It's the same reason why I didn't see any problem with what I did after what happened in Goldenrod. I'm not used to taking others' feelings into account."

Goddamn it, Archer, there's method to his madness, just let him figure out what's going on here before he says anything.

That explanation does make sense, however - in fact, it makes a lot of things make sense. He and Archer are similar in some ways, the disregard for the emotions of others being a major one; however, it hadn't quite occurred to him that Archer's disregard for them comes not through a complete lack of empathy and inability to sympathize, but a lack of ability to understand them at all unless they're explained. Clearly, Archer has some sort of grasp on his own emotions - at least he knows they're there, even if he doesn't always know why - and he does seem to realize how he's made mistakes that have unintentionally harmed others when those mistakes are pointed out...but if he's not comprehending the experiences of others on his own...

"...I didn't realize. But yes, that does make sense - and in that case, I think what's necessary is some sort of compromise."

And it is suddenly, immediately clear from his tone that at this point, he fully intends to either solve all the things, or horribly embarrass himself in the attempt. He's plainly had an 'OH MY GOD, LOOK AT THE STREAM'-tier epiphany.

"Should there be any sort of large altercation like this in the future - assuming, that is, that you remain in Johto for a while - it would be for the best that we try to not make any actual decisions regarding our situation while angry or riled. I'm willing to agree to avoid prolonged separation - by which I mean more than two or three days - without discussing with you exactly why I feel such a thing is necessary, as long as you're willing to grant me those two or three days such that you don't end up dead at the end of the discussion. Does this sound as though it would work?"

...Wait, wait, hang on, he's missing something here, isn't he? Why is Kimblee suddenly excited...? Archer listens, completely confused, as Kimblee offers up his own solution to the problem, which is of course perfectly fine and appreciated.

"Yes, it does... Did I miss something?" Kimblee, help, he's lost. "I appreciate the offer of course, and yes, it does sound like it will work, but I'm a little... confused. Why is everything suddenly alright?"

...oh. Right, that entire not-reading-minds thing.

"I think I understand what the issue has been lately; it's along the lines of when you finally had the initial misunderstanding explained to you - finally understanding the conflict has a way of showing one ways to fix it."

Ah, so that's what it is? They've finally come to a mutual understanding of how fucked up the other one is? Thank god.

"I see. Yes, it does have a way of making things much clearer. Thank you for clarifying."

...So does this mean they can actually fix things, or...?

Kimblee nods a bit in acknowledgement of that; the gesture is slight, more a brief inclination of his head than anything, but it's enough to get the point across.

Now is usually when the conversation dissolves into awkward, when they aren't sure what to say or whether everything will work out; Kimblee hesitates for a moment before closing the distance between them again, resting one of his hands on Archer's shoulder - shocking him mildly in the process, but he doesn't pull away, as that'll likely just cause it to happen again. He's quick to shift his free hand upward, running it backwards through Archer's hair, then bringing it forward again to repeat the motion.

"Everything will be fine, Archer."

The emotional response is immediate; Archer hasn't felt so relieved in a long time. The physical response is just as quick. Archer wraps his arms tightly around Kimblee for a moment before quickly letting go - they are in public, after all, and clinging while they're not lounging around in bed has always struck him as more awkward than not. It's obvious that he's very pleased with the way things have turned out - if the brief hug or the feeling of relief isn't enough, the not-quite-smile should be. This time it's actually closer to a genuine smile than a smirk.

"Thank you. I... really appreciate it."

Kimblee continues to play with Archer's hair for a moment; he had tensed up a bit at the sudden embrace, but he doesn't seem too bothered or off-put by it, in the end.

"I have a few calls to make beforehand, of course, but afterwards...I wouldn't mind finding somewhere to sleep for the night."

"Of course, I'll get a hotel room."

Obviously Kimblee was doing something for all that time he was away; Archer's not sure what it was, but he's assuming it was assignments for Cobra. Either way, he can't say he particularly cares to pry into Kimblee's business right now. He's perfectly content just standing here and letting Kimblee play with his hair.

"Excellent. I do rather enjoy this place, you know; perhaps I'll brave the water again tomorrow."

Oh, he certainly was - admittedly, it wasn't anything nearly as entertaining as working for Cobra; it was closer to 'spending long hours trying to convince Isaac that sleeping until noon is perfectly acceptable. Because his condition tho.'

But that is neither here nor there.

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determinator - 2012-08-01 20:31 (UTC) - Expand

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