route_1065 | тazi nos obichay мe, vlеz vav mоеtо sartzе

Entry tags:

тazi nos obichay мe, vlеz vav mоеtо sartzе

Who: Isaac McDougal (

glaciates); Solf J Kimblee (

explosivecombat)
Where: Lake of Rage
When: Forward-dated - evening of 10/13/2012
Summary: Well, this relationship's lasted about six months longer than Kimblee thought it would.
Rating: PG? How do I shot ratings, guys, seriously
Log:

Had this been any other relationship, Kimblee probably would have been preparing for some sort of night on the town tonight - something where he could dress his date up in some overly expensive dress that surely cost far more than the fabric and the craftsmanship was really worth but she would love, simply because he tended to find women who loved things like that; they would go somewhere nice, privately, before finding some sort of public place where they could sit and talk and he could show her off without even trying. He would make her feel special; she would appreciate his efforts, only to end the relationship a short while later for reasons he didn't always understand.

Then again, had this been any other relationship, chances were it wouldn't have lasted this long in the first place; it wasn't that he felt closer to Isaac than he had any of the others, because that certainly wasn't the case, but rather that Isaac was...a bit of a special one, for lack of a better term. At the beginning, Kimblee would have been perfectly willing to dismiss this as Isaac being too stupid to know better; now...well, as much as that point arguably still stands, he can't say that he's quite as displeased with it as he would have been then.

It's been a bizarre six months.

However, the weather at the lake that night is finally clearing up from the light drizzle earlier that day; the sky is far from cloudless and the air is heavy with cold humidity, but it feels fresh from the earlier rains. The temperatures seem to have finally broken, a light chill rippling over the surface of the water, but Kimblee's never minded the cold; he does mind the light breeze winding down through the trees surrounding the place, but that has nothing to do with the cold - as little as he tends to prefer it, he's left his hair down for the evening, having fussed with it enough to get it to actually look presentable, as opposed to simply lying flatly down his back. He's not used to it, and he has to resist the urge to touch it and try to press it down; he eventually ends up folding his arms awkwardly to prevent himself from mussing it up without thinking.

Given that this is an Occasion, he's dressed a bit differently tonight; the black suit and gloves he'd worn when he'd gone out with Emmy is making a reappearance, the only color among the dark fabric being the purple tie and cufflinks at his sleeves. Hopefully this...date goes a bit better than that one did; for the time being, he's content to watch the water and wait for Isaac. He's stupidly early; he really doesn't mind. He's singing to himself again while he waits, but he doesn't seem distressed or impatient; the sound is light and easy, his posture calm.

This place really is relaxing, as far as he's concerned.

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Oh...goodness, what on earth - Kimblee is willing to follow Isaac and he does so perfectly well, though he seems more than a bit bemused by it.

"Are you taking me somewhere in particular, or are we just exploring for the time being?"

...all right, he's also clearly more than a bit amused, but that isn't the point.

"No, nowhere in particular. I just haven't been here in awhile and I wanted to look around."

He's not socially stupid enough to miss just how amused Kimblee is though, and he spares Kimblee a grin before tugging on his hand again. He can't help but be a bit excited, alright. It's their six month anniversary and they're still together and they're here and-- he really could keep going on for quite some time about it.

Kimblee is rather content to follow after him, though he isn't missing the fact that Isaac is suddenly acting like the world's most excited puppy; he laughs a bit, the sound breathy and quiet, though the sound isn't cruel.

"The first time I was in this area was quite some time ago - Archer wasn't with me, then, I came up here by myself, just to get a look at it. It's one of those things that made me decide to live here, really; it's rather lovely."

"I can see why. It's really nice up here." He'll definitely have to visit more often. But that's neither here nor there, and Isaac finally stops tugging on Kimblee's hand, coming to a halt and moving to take Kimblee's other hand. He's not entirely sure what he wants to talk about, but he does want to talk. He can't seem to make up his mind whether he wants to explore or just enjoy Kimblee's company; he's never this high-strung. It's almost amusing.

"I'm really glad you decided to move up here. And invite me to live with you." Weren't they moving a little fast though? Not that he cared and he doubted Kimblee even saw it that way. "I'm really enjoying that too."

Kimblee isn't expecting it when Isaac stops; that lake is quite suddenly very fascinating, after all, and the steady pulling on his hand is enough to make it rather clear where they're going. As such, he nearly collides with him when Isaac stops short; he manages to stop himself before he does anything of the sort, but he does find himself stepping back, only to be momentarily confused when Isaac takes his other hand. He allows it, but the look in his eyes is a questioning one.

Isaac is clearly feeling very open with his emotions today; this sometimes happens when they're alone, and even if Kimblee doesn't know what to do with it, he isn't entirely unprepared, either. "That's good to know, Isaac. I've been rather pleased with how things are going."

The answer is a bit generic, but his tone isn't entirely insincere; he's managed to work this sorts of answer around to a point where it doesn't sound forced - at least, not to a point where Isaac will notice. Were he at all a better person, Kimblee would probably feel guilty about taking advantage of the social failure; however, he quite simply finds that he doesn't.

He would certainly appreciate it if Kimblee were a better person, but that's neither here nor there. Isaac falls silent, content with the answer and perfectly happy just standing here, enjoying Kimblee's company.

He loves Kimblee. The thought doesn't surprise him any, it's hardly the first time he's had it. He hasn't said anything about it because he knows it will complicate things. It will make things horribly awkward. And he always waits for his partner to say it first, that way he doesn't screw up and say it at the wrong time. He's messed up too many relationships that way. But he knows that Kimblee's different - Kimblee said he won't love him. Isaac is perfectly fine with that. It's not something he really puts too much thought into; he gets to be with Kimblee and that's enough for him. He's not exactly a high-maintenance boyfriend.

Isaac tightens his grip on Kimblee's hands for a moment, and when he speaks it's so quiet it's almost inaudible, "I love you."

...He's not aware that was out loud, by the way.

Isaac may not have been aware of it, but Kimblee certainly is; he's quick to tense up, his grip going strangely rigid against Isaac's hands.

"I'm...sorry, what was that?" He either isn't aware of how much of a demand that came out sounding like, or he simply doesn't care; it's a bit difficult to tell. He doesn't look angry, but he's clearly more than a bit surprised, if the sudden staring is any indication.

What was what? ...He said that out loud, didn't he.

...Fuck.

There goes the calm demeanor. Isaac immediately draws back, hands up in a gesture of surrender. If that isn't enough to indicate just how badly he's panicking, the expression and words should help.

"That's not what I meant! I just meant... well, that... I... love the... way you look, yeah. That's it. I mean, it's no big deal or anything! I didn't mean anything by it!"

At this point, a lesser man may have accepted the WE TRIED sticker for his effort here and quite simply left the scene; Kimblee, on the other hand...well, he strongly considers accepting that glowing trophy made of peeling gold and comic sans font and storming off, but he manages to refrain.

Somehow.

What a trainwreck.

"Isaac." His voice is quiet, such as not to cause a scene, but there's a definite firmness to his tone; again, it's not cruel - it's just a way to establish control over the situation. He has this. Everything is fine.

He steps toward him, closing a bit of the proximity between them; he reaches out, laying a gloved hand lightly on Isaac's arm without trying to pull him closer. "It's all right; you can relax. There's no need for that."

No, no he can't relax because he's fucked this up - the one relationship he really cares about and he's screwed it up because he couldn't keep his damn mouth shut. His expression doesn't alter any, but he's currently going through the usual routine of beating himself up for making a mistake. It's always particularly bad when it's a social mistake like this, since it's something he should know how to avoid.

"Y-yeah," He doesn't know what to do with that, glancing down at the ground and then away. It's obvious he's not going to be relaxing any time soon.

"Look, I'm sorry. That's not..." But he doesn't finish. He can't find a way to finish that.

"...there's nothing to apologize for."

Kimblee's tone sounds a bit more confused than anything there; he's clearly not sure what's going on in Isaac's head at this point, but he's not liking the vibes he's getting off of him.

"Talk to me, Isaac."

Isaac moves to tug at that one stray strand of hair, once again averting his gaze. He doesn't know how to talk about it. He knows he should because Kimblee isn't a mind-reader and can't know what's going on in his head, but at the same time he can't find a way to discuss it. You're going to break up with me isn't a very good conversation opener, even he knows that.

It takes him a moment, but he finally finds something to say. "I didn't mean to make this... awkward." It's not quite what he wanted, and for a brief moment he looks frustrated, but that expression fades quickly. "I mean, it's... kind of a big deal and... well, it's just..." He gives up with a sigh and finally just says it.

"I don't want to scare you off with something like that."

"...you think I'll find it too forward. Is that it? You're concerned that I'll leave because I want you to back off."

He shifts a bit, stroking Isaac's arm lightly while he thinks; his expression has calmed down considerably. "I'm still here, aren't I? I wouldn't be trying to discuss this with you if I were that offended; you know that."

It takes all of Isaac's self-restraint to keep from pulling Kimblee into a hug. He figures that would be a bit too much right now. He doesn't exactly relax, but it's clear that that's put his mind at ease.

"Yeah. I know that." A pause. "...Thanks. I... really didn't mean to be so forward with that."

Kimblee moves forward again, his hand shifting upward to play with Isaac's hair a bit; Isaac doesn't always understand social cues, but at the very least he does seem to comprehend physical ones - Kimblee isn't going to push for it, but if Isaac wants to latch on, he can.

He isn't sure when he stopped minding that so much - when physical contact in such a complete way became a thing that he encouraged, rather than trying to push it away. But that isn't important now, he supposes; he'll work that out later.

"When did you realize...?" He doesn't sound bothered by the idea any; just curious. It honestly isn't the first time he's heard something like this - there have been a few women that have assumed they've loved him in the past; this surely isn't any different, really.

Isaac does relax at that; Kimblee doesn't usually initiate contact like this unless he's trying to calm Isaac down. Everything will be fine. He does hesitate for a moment before wrapping his arms around Kimblee.

"I... don't really know. It's been awhile." He hasn't really stopped to think about it. When did he realize that he loved Kimblee? Isaac honestly doesn't know. It didn't really occur to him until maybe a month ago, but the realization itself wasn't surprising at all. Maybe he's loved Kimblee since the beginning, as ridiculously sappy as that sounds.

Kimblee tenses sharply when Isaac moves to hug him, but that isn't anything unusual; it's a habit that he hasn't quite broken, and somehow he doubts he ever will break it properly. He relaxes easily, however; he isn't quite returning that embrace, but Isaac is warm and Kimblee is perfectly content to lean up against him a bit.

"I see," he replies, despite his tone implying that he doesn't really; he shifts a bit before he resettles, clearly unsure of what to do with that. "Well, it was a bit surprising, but certainly nothing I'm going to be angry about."

The flinching isn't anything unusual; Isaac doesn't even notice it anymore. He's very pleased with Kimblee's words though - no, he doesn't think Kimblee sees, but it's alright, because he doesn't really get it either. But Kimblee's not angry with him, which means he hasn't ruined this relationship (somehow) and that's such a relief...

He tightens his grip momentarily before realizing what he's doing. Isaac forces himself to loosen his grip. There's no need to crush Kimblee, after all. That would be kind of counterproductive to this whole "you're not leaving" thing.

"Thanks," The word is rushed, nearly breathless. "Thanks." He's obviously very grateful for it.

Well, while crushing him would certainly ensure he's not leaving anytime soon, that would only be because leaving is a bit difficult when one is in traction...however.

"Were you really not sure?" If nothing else, his tone is enough to imply that his brain may have burst into tears again.

Oh dear, he didn't mean to get that expression again... It's being mimicked, of course.

"Well... yeah, I mean, I thought..." He's really not sure what he thought, hang on. "I guess I thought you were just... trying to come up with some way to end it nicely?" Despite the fact that Kimblee wouldn't do that? There's nothing to say here that isn't "orz", okay.

That last sentence there is sounding more and more apt at this point, yes.

"...Isaac, have you ever known me to do anything like that?"

"No..."

orz, Kimblee. orz.

"I don't know, alright? I just... needed to hear it, I guess."

Kimblee is quick to return to playing with Isaac's hair; he's more than slightly amused, really, though he's at least trying not to be too obvious about it. He knows he's getting entirely too comfortable with this relationship; it can really only end badly from here. But for now, he's enjoying himself; he doesn't see why he shouldn't be allowed to seek out his own pleasure once in a while.

Even if it involves being more than slightly dishonest with his partner.

"Well, you're rather important to me, you know - perhaps I've come to love you as well."

The lie comes far too easily; he's done it before, when he's been reasonably partial to whomever he was seeing at the time, or otherwise had valid reason to not want to end it just yet. It'll ensure it will last a bit longer, at any rate, as it almost always does; he's reasonably sure that Isaac wants to hear something like that anyway, despite how much he says he doesn't require it.

At the start of this relationship, Kimblee had said he wouldn't love Isaac. Isaac was fine with that; as long as he was with Kimblee, it didn't matter. Perhaps it was naive to think he could be genuinely happy just by being with Kimblee, but as the last six months had proved, it was also the truth. He didn't need Kimblee to love him to be happy.

But when Kimblee says it, he realizes he's been missing something crucial to this relationship the entire time. Isaac's eyes widen and he breaks the hug to hold Kimblee at arm's length, staring at him for a moment.

"You... you really mean that?" He doesn't think Kimblee is lying to him. That thought never even occurs to him. But Kimblee said he wouldn't - and Isaac interpreted that as Kimblee just didn't fall in love. He could understand and accept that but this... This was something he desperately wanted and at the same time, couldn't quite believe.

And with that, Isaac confirms it for him.

Kimblee can practically sense the desperation in him - the desire and the need to have those words be true. He wants something Kimblee can't give him; despite everything Isaac has said, he needs to be loved. Kimblee doesn't understand, but he isn't surprised; this is how these things go.

This can only end horribly. For now, however, he just smiles in response.

"Why would I say it otherwise?"

тazi nos obichay мe, vlеz vav mоеtо sartzе

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