He Will Do One of Two Things

[worktodo]

Who: Albert (worktodo) and Reid (leftinbasketforfbi)
Where: The Justice Farm in Saffron City!
When: February 21
Summary: Secrets don't stay secret for long. At least not when your Musharna is barfing up your nightmares on your colleague's living room carpet.
Rating: PG-13 for mature themes, talk of dead people, and possibly discussions of drug addiction and abuse. Otherwise known as "GDI Criminal Minds: The Log".
Log:

[It's an average day on the Justice Farm, which technically means it's a day packed with all manner of shenanigans and absurdity, but the thing about the word "average" is that it's a relative term, kind of like "normal", and at least today there are no swarms of puppies falling out of the closet. Yet.

There is, however, a fair amount of the usual commotion and activity. The five Shuckles are...well, presumably up to something, but what that could possibly be, it's difficult to say; Bruce the Crime Against Pokemanity is still securely in his cage, nomming away on a piece of lettuce and looking generally nothing like the hideous engine of apocalyptic destruction he actually is; the cleanup crew, Scrappy and Sweep, are bustling around setting things back in order while the Things canoodle in a corner; and there on the top of a low bookshelf near the fireplace rest a series of eggs, each one tagged with a post-it note indicating the day it's likely to hatch.

And Albert? He's currently in the breezeway with an Octillery and a long lever and fulcrum, trying his damnedest to get the little bugger to just release its suction cups already.

Yup. Just another day on the Farm, all right.

But hey, who knows. Maybe once the kid shows up they can actually get some work done around here. Speaking of which, he takes a break from the levering job and pulls out his Gear to tap out a message.]

Hey. You still coming this way today?

Comments

[leftinbasketforfbi]

[Reid is having a comparatively more sedate day. He's gradually getting better at calming his animals down, and he's brushing Emily's coat when he gets the text.

He's been trying to ride her to the farm when he goes. It's healthy for her, good for him to learn, and also she's warm.]

Yeah. There's stuff to do. I'll bring Flora if you still want to examine her.

[worktodo]

[When the Gear beeps again, he shifts and leans his weight on the pole, maintaining pressure that's doing basically nothing at getting the Octillery off his walk.]

Bring yourself, too. You could both use a checkup.

[leftinbasketforfbi]

I told you, I'm fine. I'm just bruising more easily. [But fine, fine, he'll submit to a checkup in the name of science.

He eyes Emily suspiciously, trying to gauge how mischievous she's feeling, and after a moment, he grabs her by the mane and jumps on her back, warm fire licking his skin and clothes.

Give him a second to marvel at the fact that he's actually semi-used to riding a horse.

Okay, done.]

I should be there in a few minutes.

[worktodo]

I'm out back near the lab. Horatio's glued to the sidewalk.

[AND THERE WILL BE NO FURTHER EXPLANATION OR ELABORATION ON THAT OUT OF HIM TODAY.]

[leftinbasketforfbi]

[Reid isn't even surprised.

Some time later, there's the clopping of hooves. Then the awkward thump of Reid's terrible dismounting. And then Reid approaches he back yard, brushing off his clothes.]

Albert? Are you out here?

[worktodo]

Back here, kemosabe.

[He calls from the breezeway; a careful look in that direction will reveal a handsome set of bright red tentacles, and also Albert still levering away.]

You rode the horse?

[leftinbasketforfbi]

Uh, yeah. She needs he exercise. [And so does he, if he wants to keep the juice in his brain from making all his muscles totally useless.

He approaches warily, arching an eyebrow at the octopus.] Do you want some help with that?

[worktodo]

[At the sight of the new intruder, Horatio the Octillery noodles around a little, hunkering down with wary eyes despite Albert's best attempts at prying him off.]

He suctioned himself to this patch of sidewalk about twenty minutes ago. I don't know what he's up to, besides making himself a damn pedestrian hazard.

[But he shrugs, withdrawing the lever and wiping his free hand on his coat.]

Doesn't matter. He'll let go when he gets cold or bored. How're you doing?

[leftinbasketforfbi]

I'm fine. Like I said, easier bruising, some symptoms of anemia, and sensitivity to bug bites, but otherwise, surprisingly well.

[Reid takes a ball from his belt, clicking it and allowing a Musharna to appear on the ground. Flora floats a couple feet from the ground, curled up in a little ball, looking a little like a very sleepy pig.]

As long as I exercise a little more than I usually do, it's fine. What about you? Has everything been okay here? [Hopefully no more shenanigans with puppies?]

[worktodo]

You're gonna want to keep tiptoeing around the house until the bug bite thing starts wearing off. Mothra hatched a couple of days ago, and I've got a handful more still on the way.

[He motions at the Very Stubborn Octopus, shaking his head.]

I don't know how I end up stuck with these things. You hear about that convention that went on over in Goldenrod? And some whackadoodle monsters went on a rampage? We were over there for that. And somehow I ended up with adoption papers for Gluefoot McTentacles here, plus a flying robot that's too helpful for its own good.

[A beat passes.]

So you know. Just another usual day.

[leftinbasketforfbi]

I know. I think I'm fine as long as none of them bite or scratch, though.

[When did this become their lives?

Reid shoos the Musharna towards the house, and she sluggishly floats around to enter.] I wasn't there for the convention, but I'm glad you made it out okay. The animals that destroyed everything were stolen a while ago, weren't they?

[worktodo]

Keep away from the Things, then. He's gotten feisty since his lifemate showed up, and she's a tough old bag who apparently crawled through hell and high water just to get back to him. I wouldn't screw around with either of them, at this point.

[You know what, fine, the octopus can just stay there, he'll get tired of sticking to the concrete sooner or later. Meanwhile, Albert's going to start shooing Reid toward the house much in the same way as Reid just shooed Flora.]

That's the story, yeah. Ziva heard more of it than I did, though; she was out in the thick of it for at least some of it.

[leftinbasketforfbi]

Well, then they're pretty different from Earth coconut crabs. I've never heard of that kind of mating behavior in them before.

[Flora seems to have sequestered herself somewhere, because she's not immediately visible when they step into the house. Reid's not too worried, since she's probably just sleepy.]

Ziva's okay though, right? I heard they caused a lot of destruction.

[worktodo]

Like anything around here surprises you anymore?

[One thing's for certain; it's much warmer in the house than it was outside. Even so, the natural trajectory is to head for the coffee maker, because this is apparently just what Albert does literally every time he walks into his house.]

You know Ziva; she probably enjoyed the chaos. Gave her something to think about. She's like you — likes to run headfirst toward trouble.

[leftinbasketforfbi]

I guess you have a point. It's kind of hard to be surprised by anything once you've ridden a flaming horse and a cranky dinosaur.

[Reid smiles, leaning against the doorway. There's a coughing sound, but it's very soft and Reid is becoming accustomed to hearing strange noises, so it slides under his radar.] Hey, I'm not that reckless. [Mostly.] I'm glad to hear everyone was okay, though. Even if I'm starting to wonder if anyone really gets hurt here--it seems like the world itself doesn't want us to get too damaged, sometimes.