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Who: Chihiro Fujisaki (

readapts) and Mondo Oowada (

diamondo)
Where: Around Violet City
When: Let's say July 31st
Summary: Talking about secrets. And spoilers for DR.
Rating: Um. PG/PG-13?
Log:

[With the fossilised pokémon calmed in their rampage, Chihiro was finally given a chance of peace, to mull some things over for himself. For instance... What he had talked about Asahina with on her arrival, the numbing realisation that, by now, everyone except for Oowada knew about Fujisaki's secret. He hadn't had a chance to talk with Naegi about it yet, but if what Asahina said was correct, then.

It made him feel guilty.

Terribly, terribly so. Not entirely surprising, given how prone Chihiro was to guilt as a whole. He couldn't just leave things as they were and feel satisfied. He wanted to feel comfortable in his own skin, he didn't want to hide, he'd made up his mind that he was going to become stronger and to do that, it meant discarding that shield, the cloak, he had constructed for himself over the years.

Once again, he had decided. He'd steeled himself.

This time, for sure, would go differently than the first, he thinks as he sits in the lobby of the inn. He'd sent off a message a little while ago asking Oowada to meet him down here. So he looks down at his knees, at the skirt he wears, fusses slightly with the fabric.]

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[If Mondo's completely honest with himself, that text sent a rush of fear through him. Of course it could just be to talk about anything, there wasn't any need to feel panic. But what if Fujisaki wanted to talk about that? Without even really thinking about it, Mondo had agreed to meet Fujisaki in the lobby. He couldn't avoid Fujisaki - he didn't want to anyway - and besides, he'd just make Fujisaki sad if he didn't show up. That was the last thing he wanted. Besides, not showing up would make him weak. It would mean that he couldn't face this and that was the last thing Mondo wanted.

Mondo had been out training when he got the message, so when he comes in he's followed by his Houndoom (which gets him a rather dirty look from the hotel's receptionist, not that Mondo cares).]

Hey, Fujisaki! What did you wanna talk about?

[A brief pause.]

Or did you wanna talk in private?

[He's doing his best to act casual and for the most part it works; he's just a little stiffer than he normally is, but that's all. Everything will be fine.]

[Brightening up in relief (that Mondo showed up), Chihiro's quick to rise from his seat and make his way over with a smile of greeting. He glances around the lobby and hums. It's not overcrowded and they could talk here, but...]

Do you think that we could go for a walk and talk at the same time...?

[It's an indicator of how sure he feels about this, how his mind's made up, that he's going to tell Mondo out where any passer-by could hear. Already more than one other person knows. He's definitely ready to try this again.]

[Fujisaki certainly seems to be in a good mood. Maybe he was worrying about nothing? The question only cements it - if Fujisaki wanted to talk about that, she wouldn't want everyone to know, right? Mondo smiles after a moment, nodding.]

Yeah, sure! C'mon!

[He returns his Houndoom and starts toward the door, in a much better mood than when he entered.]

[It takes a couple of moments for Fujisaki to catch up to walk next to him--short legs, and all!--but he lifts his hand to shade his eyes once they step outside. He'll wait until they get a little bit from the inn before he starts talking.]

To...be honest, I'm not sure how to start...

[Blurting it out...he could do that. That's how he did it before.]

Oh yeah? Well, take your time with it!

[He's in no rush, and Mondo slows down to make sure Fujisaki can keep up with him. It's hard being over six feet tall and no one understands. Anyway, Mondo's much more relaxed now that they're outside and he glances at Fujisaki curiously, wondering what they're going to be discussing.]

[Like no one understands what it's like not even being five feet tall... Anyway. Nothing'll come from fussing about what he's going to say forever, Chihiro decides, so he nods to himself.]

I wanted to tell you my...secret, actually. The ones that Monobear gave to all of us. [The secrets that were supposed to be motives.]

Will you listen...?

[Mondo freezes for a moment and has to force himself to keep walking, to act like this isn't that big of a deal.]

Ah, really? Of course I'll listen.

[Hopefully Fujisaki doesn't want to hear his in return, because Mondo's never telling anyone about that.]

[Oh, no, Chihiro would never ask for someone to share that kind of personal thing-- As it is, he's just glad Mondo will listen to his own. (Again.) The actual telling him his secret hadn't gone that badly, it was just...

After...

But his mind is on the present. He takes a breath.]

Well, it was that... I wear girls' clothes...instead of becoming stronger.

Because I'm...actually a boy.

[Just like that, and maybe Chihiro's hands shake a little before he curls them into tight fists. And he looks over (and up) at Mondo's face.]

[Mondo stares in silence for a long moment. He's stopped walking while he processes this, but once has processed it, the words come easily.]

You're a boy? I'm not sure what I was expecting, but it wasn't that!

[After a moment though, he grins.]

Well, now I get why you're so intent on becoming stronger! I know you can do it, Fujisaki! You're already stronger than you give yourself credit for!

[He knows that much is true; Fujisaki is still willing to be his friend after what he did back home; that takes a lot of strength.

The fact that Fujisaki is actually a boy doesn't bother him at all.]

[Fujisaki smiles.

He's not surprised! After all, Mondo accepted him before after he'd told him his secret. Nevertheless, it soothes lingering anxiety he hadn't realised he'd been harbouring and sweeps away that guilt that he'd been keeping this to himself.]

Thank you, Oowada-kun... I'm... [Hesitation, but then he continues, eyebrows furrowing, determined.] I'm already tired of hiding away and not being able to get stronger.

From here on, I'm not going to let myself be afraid...

You'll do just fine! It might take awhile, but I'm sure someday you'll be as strong as I am!

[He laughs, but he can't squash the burning feeling of envy. Fujisaki is so strong to be able to reveal something like this and work toward his goal, but what about him? He's always gone on about how strong he is - how much stronger he is than Daiya - but is he really? Does he really have a right to say something like that to Fujisaki, who's trying his hardest? Fujisaki may not possess physical strength, but he's obviously very emotionally strong.

No. He's strong. He's strong, he's strong, he's strong, he's strong, he's strong. And he won't let anyone say otherwise.]

Thanks for telling me, by the way! I'm glad you could trust me with your secret. Ah, did you want me to keep it a secret? That'd be no problem.

[The disconnect between his thoughts and actions (smiling, acting like nothing is going wrong in his head) is something that's happened to him on occasion before, but never quite to this extent. It's frightening, but that's not something he'll deal with right now. He can always panic about it later, when he's alone and willing to let his guard down.

After all, he can't have anyone else see him as weak.]

I'm...not so sure about that, but I'm going to try anyway. To try and be as strong as Oowada-kun.

[It was his aspiration before, in the school. Why he went to him before... And even after what happened, he can't let that affect him too much, right? It's different here. And he can't blame Mondo for what happened when Mondo himself doesn't even know.

Or, Chihiro doesn't think that he knows.]

Um...it's okay. You don't have to do that. I've had this secret for...too long already. It's time I should let it go and focus on...changing.

[It's too heavy to carry any longer. He hid away for too long.]

Yeah, that sounds like a good idea! I won't say anything unless it comes up though, alright?

[It feels weird to give away Fujisaki's secret to other people, after all, especially those outside of their class. Oh, speaking of their classmates...]

Have you told the others about this?

[Fujisaki nods thankfully.] Okay...

[His insecurity hasn't been completely swept away, after all. Despite his determination, even, he may continue to dress this way a while longer until he can find the courage to change.]

Oh, um. I told Ishimaru-kun... and Asahina-san already knew. She said Naegi-kun should know too, but I haven't talked to him about it yet.

Wait, how did they know?

[Did Monobear reveal all their secrets? The idea terrifies him. If that's the case, then Asahina and Naegi both know about...

He refuses to think about it and pushes the thought aside, waiting for Fujisaki's answer.]

Eh...? Um.

[Chihiro tips his head. Oh man, with all of the new information, he didn't ask exactly how they did find out.] I'm not sure how it came up. She just said that they found out during my trial--

[And it takes a second before he realises what he just said and his steps stutter to a halt, small shoulders tensing up.]

[Mondo's steps falter too and he draws to a halt glancing back at Fujisaki.

Should he say something? He seems so calm about the whole thing, so surely he already knows about his death - or at least someone told him about it. If it's the latter, did they tell him who did it? They must have - or maybe he's experienced it - because he wouldn't be freezing so badly otherwise...

Mondo realizes that he's just staring after a moment and he tries to come up with something to say. What can he say? Does he pretend he doesn't know that he killed Fujisaki? No, that seems wrong. But he needs to come up with something to say...!]

Shit, sorry I asked.

[He genuinely does sound remorseful, but he can't quite meet Fujisaki's eyes. The ground is very fascinating today.]

You gonna be okay?

[He can focus on that for the time being; it's much easier than trying to figure out what he should do or say.]

I'm... [Sorry for slipping, for forgetting himself. And he's afraid Mondo's going to ask more about it when he doesn't want to tell him, more than anything else, he doesn't want to end up hurting Mondo with the knowledge of what he is going to do.]

I'm okay... I've already had...the time to think about it all.

[And come to his own conclusions. Even if it's been difficult all on his own.

Glancing up, he pauses. Surprised, confused. Mondo's not looking at him? Why, though? He couldn't know about that, though.]

Ah, yeah?

[He's had time to think about it? So if that's the case, why is he still hanging out with Mondo? Wouldn't that cause him to want to stay away?]

Maybe we should go someplace more uh... private to talk. I mean, if you wanna talk about this.

...

[Chihiro folds his hands together, kneading his own fingers together. Does Mondo want to talk about it? But that means Chihiro would have to tell him what he did, and he.]

Oowada-kun... It's not... That sort of thing is... I wouldn't want you to have to hear about that sort of thing.

[--in his own little way, he's trying to look out for Mondo, unaware of what he already knows.]

[...Oh, so he... doesn't know that Mondo knows...]

...N-No, it's okay, Fujisaki. I already know. It hasn't happened to me yet, but in less than twelve hours back home it will. I... kinda figured it out here though.

[That's mostly true, but he refused to acknowledge it until Ishimaru said something. He doesn't want to pin this all on Ishimaru though.]

So I... know what happened. I don't know everything, but I know enough about to know that I... I...

[He falters again, shaking his head.]

I'm really sorry. I know words don't mean shit after that, but I'm afraid that's really all I can offer you.

...Eh?

[He knows? But.

Wait, for how long? All this time? When he'd talked to Naegi, though, he'd said... Ishimaru and Mondo didn't know... So, at a loss for words, he just stares at Mondo, hands loosening to fall and sway at his sides as he takes this in.

Chihiro blinks hard, squeezes his eyes shut for a second. And then he shakes his head when he apologises, trying to keep tears at bay.]

I don't blame you...that's what I decided. That it wasn't...Oowada-kun's fault.

Wh-what? How can you not blame me? It's definitely my fault! If it wasn't for me, you'd...

[He trails off there, not wanting to hurt Fujisaki anymore than he already has. Not like he's doing a good job of that.]

L-Look... I'm really glad that you don't blame me. Really. But I'm... kinda surprised you're still okay talking to me after all that shit went down, y'know? So is there... anything I can do to make up for it or something?

[Of course there isn't, what a stupid question. He can't make up for taking Fujisaki's life. He winces and immediately apologizes.]

Shit, sorry, sorry. That's pretty fucking cold of me. Nothing'll ever make up for that.

But if it wasn't for everything that had happened...everything that the mastermind did... I'm sure that Oowada-kun wouldn't have done it. So I can't blame you.

[He carried it out, certainly, but Chihiro remembers those last terrifying moments. Something went wrong. Mondo wasn't quite himself, not the one he'd talked to and had come to admire. And if the things hadn't been laid in place by the mastermind as they had been--

Not after they'd known each other for longer than they had.

Surely, he would never have done that. His heart lurches a bit, though, throat tightening. He swallows hard and looks up to Mondo's face.] It's okay.

I just... For all of us to be able to live here and be happy...that really all I want.

[While not forgetting everything that happened is important, too, moving past that... It won't be good if they lock themselves in their guilt over everything.]

Y-Yeah, 'course I wouldn't have done that shit otherwise! But that doesn't change the fact that I still did it. That's not something I can just... forget or get over y'know?

[He runs a hand through the back of his hair, looking frustrated.]

No amount of apologizing will ever make up for what I did, but fuck, I wish it would at least help. I'm so fucking sorry, Fujisaki. I don't know what happened, exactly, but I'm so sorry it happened to begin with.

Mm... I know.

[And he's not sure what he should say, to help with that. It's not something that Fujisaki's capable of doing alone, he realises. But he wants to help, though, somehow. Funnily enough. He just needs to figure out what he can do.]

Even I... I'm not exactly sure what...or why.

[Though, Naegi had offered to tell him what exactly had transpired...but Chihiro hadn't wanted to find out that way. He hesitates on the brink of telling Mondo those last few minutes, hesitates because wouldn't it exacerbate his guilt and possibly not help them figure it out?]

I... I think I might have an idea.

[Mondo looks down at his hands. They're trembling. He can't admit it - even to himself - but he's scared. These blackouts have always scared him, but to think that he'd go so far as to kill someone...]

When I get really upset at shit I kinda... black out. I mean, I'm still conscious and everything, but I don't remember doing shit afterwards. It... it usually happens when I'm feeling threatened. Not always physically, though. Sometimes I black out when it's just... talking and shit.

[He hesitates for a moment, thinking back to when he attacked Ishimaru. He winces.]

I can't stand being considered weak, I think that might play into it a bit.

[Chihiro's heart lurches a bit; does he want to hear this? No, he does want to understand, even if it's painful. He'd wanted to hear Mondo's reasons, but Mondo doesn't even know that far, is it fair to him?

But he listens and looks at him as he talks, glancing down when Mondo does to his hands. Tentative, he turns to take a step closer, standing in front of him.]

And I could've...made you feel that way...?

When-- when it happened, Oowada-kun, you didn't...seem like yourself...

[Up until that point, he'd felt comfortable. He'd never felt threatened. Even when that weight had come swinging down...]

I didn't seem like myself...

[He repeats that with a small frown.]

Yeah, I think maybe I blacked out then. Obviously I can't say for sure without going home and experiencing it, but shit, I hope it never comes to that.

[Is that selfish? Yes. It's a shame they can't send Fujisaki back in time so he wouldn't have to experience that.]

Fuck, I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry, Fujisaki.

[Chihiro watches him for a long moment. He doesn't think it's selfish-- and not just because he's the type of person who honestly has a hard time thinking bad of anyone.

It's more because... Mondo feels bad enough hearing about it like this, without having experienced it, having done it. And going back and going through all of that... Would it be better to spare him that?

He dips his head.]

I've already...forgiven you.

[If it was that he blacked out...something he couldn't help...that makes all of this even less his fault.]

...you're way too good to me, Fujisaki.

[But he's smiling and looking more than a bit relieved.]

You won't regret it! If you ever need anything from me, you can ask, okay? I really owe you one!

[Well, way more than one, but you know what he means.]

No, um--

[It's not that he's too good to him... At least, he doesn't think so. Probably. But he smiles now, tentatively but growing more certain.]

You know, the same goes for me... Since we're friends, I want to help you if you have anything you might need.

I wouldn't impose on you like that, Fujisaki! But I will keep it in mind, alright?

[Way too good to him...]

It's not imposing...! I like to help out if I can...

[Quite determinedly, as Chihiro curls his fingers into fists.

But he lets the earnestness cool for a moment and nods once. Good! Keep it in mind, Mondo.]

[So cute though...]

I really appreciate it! I'm really glad you still wanna remain friends after that, Fujisaki. You're a great kid!

[Cute, pls. This is 4"10 of super tough manly man.]

And-- You want to be friends still too, right...?

[Just to make certain.]

Edited 2013-08-05 22:41 (UTC)

[Oh right, right. The manliest of men!!]

Of course! Who wouldn't wanna be friends with you anyway?

[Genuine question.]

Eh--? Um.

[Chihiro starts to slowly blush... Wait is this a serious question, does he need to answer it...?]

I don't know... Someone, probably...

[There must be someone...pfft.]

Hey, c'mon, don't keep putting yourself down, alright?

[And with that, he'll just ruffle Fujisaki's hair like it's the most normal thing ever. He does this to Ishimaru all the time, clearly this is no different!!]

You're a great kid and anyone who thinks otherwise is fucking stupid. Not to mention fucking wrong.

Ah--

[H-hair ruffles, uwaa. He's not used to getting hair ruffles, mainly because most people've always thought he was a girl...for good reason, but still.]

...Thank you, Oowada-kun. I'm happy, that you think so...

[Friends... uwu]

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