It may sound insane, it might be absurd...

[doitrockapella]

Who: "Cobra Commander" (read: Carmen Sandiego (doitrockapella)) and anyone in the Team Rocket Goldenrod Base!
Where: Goldenrod City — the Rocket Base
When: Friday, November 29th
Summary: As detailed here, a chance observation of a careless NPC Rocket utilizing the secret entrance prompts Carmen to invite herself in for a look around. And naturally she's going to take some fine feathered souvenirs while she's at it.
Rating: G because there is nothing here but wacky 90's villain shenanigans.
Log:

[Another three-day blackout, and yet again, Carmen has come off it feeling restless.

She usually does after such things, and not just because they have a nasty habit of randomly booting her all over the map when they conclude — though she'll be the first to confirm that she's really not fond of the experience of having absolutely no idea where in the world she is. This time, at least, she'd lucked out somewhat in that she knew where she was when she'd woken up. She's no stranger to Goldenrod City, after all, even if it's not her favorite city for a variety of reasons, not least of which being a lot of memories that come attached to the towering buildings and the city sprawl.

And of course, there's also the little problem of the tornado.

She'd taken shelter in the Game Corner and was about to join the crowds of people heading for the safety of the basement when she'd noticed it — one employee heading the wrong way for no apparent reason, ignoring the line-file of the patrons in favor of doing...something, she wasn't sure what. It'd been curious enough that she'd paused for a second look; it was a curiosity that had paid off, because she'd ended up seeing something rather strange as a result.

A hidden door? Hmmm.

She's suspected for a long time, for various reasons, that there's a Rocket Base here in Goldenrod. She hasn't known where it is, but all signs have pointed to it. And if this is the key that she's been missing...well, then. No time like the present to have a look around. (Well, once the tornado warnings have concluded, that is.)

Of course, there remains that key little problem that she's definitely not authorized to be in the Rocket Base, but as it turns out, she'd woken up in possession of a rather dramatic (read: stereotypically villainous) cape and mask, and presumably if there's anybody who belongs in a Rocket Base, it's Cobra Commander...

tl;dr "Cobra Commander" is in ur base, stealin' ur stolen birds. What do?]


[OOC: And here we go! Comments will still be coming from Carmen's account, obviously, but for the duration she'll be in disguise (and looking like this, minus scepter) and changing her voice to be less overtly feminine and more...Cobra. I'd prefer if people didn't encounter her while she was actively in the process of swiping the birds (and replacing them with frozen turkeys), but feel free to run into her either before or after!]

Comments

[forthevillage]

[Itachi hasn't actually run into Cobra Commander in the base, but he's seen his broadcast, which hasn't left him with the best impression. (Not that this is anything new when it comes to others in the organization by now.)

He's carrying a luxio, one of his team, as he had been having some dietary difficulties with it. It's now chewing on a bit of celery and peanut butter, not apparently minding that its being held like a doll.

The ninja gives the "man" a nod, as any greeting might come out snippish at this point.]

[doitrockapella]

[Aha, a fellow Rocket. Well, what would Cobra Commander do in a moment like this?

...

Blow right past like everyone in the world is beneath him and unworthy of his time, probably. Cobra Commander strikes Carmen as the sort of person who rarely notices anything except what is immediately pertinent to Cobra Commander, and that'll work in her favor, anyway; the less she has to actively attempt to impersonate the guy, the better.]

[forthevillage]

[Well that's just rude. Itachi's eyes narrow a little.]

Have somewhere important you need to be, sir?

[doitrockapella]

[Blast. Now she's been hailed. ...Welp, here goes nothing, then.]

Yesssssss! Yes I do! And it'sssss none of your business!

[She says, coupled with an indignant fist-shake.]

[forthevillage]

[Of course it isn't. He's just a grunt, after all, and the commander here is no doubt some slightly higher rank who still considers himself above others despite his inability to keep his affiliation a secret.

Nothing he hasn't dealt with before.]

My apologies, sir. I'm sure there's nothing I could do to help you.

[doitrockapella]

[...Huh. So evidently people in this organization really do listen to Cobra Commander.

She's...not entirely sure how she feels about that revelation, um.]

That'ssssss right! So I'm going to go do that! And you! Be on your way!

[explosivecombat]

My - back in Goldenrod once again, are we?

[Kimblee's voice rings out easily at the sight of Cobra in one of those hallways; his approach isn't a brisk one - it's rather measured, really, as opposed to anything rushed or overly excited, he'll get there when he gets there - but he's fairly casual, at least, if a bit amused.]

Really, you usually notify me when you're in Johto, Commander; keep this up and I'll start thinking you don't like me anymore.

[He moves on quickly from it; he's used to Cobra really not knowing what to do with that sort of statement, facetious though it may be, and so providing an immediate focus switch is pretty much par for the course.]

Ah, but no matter - I've a few projects to discuss with you, should you have the time, though admittedly it would be preferable to wait until the weather is a little more...amenable.

[Things that can't be discussed in the base.]

[doitrockapella]

[There are many things that run through Carmen's mind (concealed safely inside her head, which itself is concealed safely inside her borrowed helmet and face mask) at the sound of the all-too-familiar voice, and many of them are approximately of the sentiment, though not necessarily the precise vocabulary, of phrases that one could not repeat on childrens' television, with topics including but not limited to:

> nietzsche what the [oh no] are you doing here
> nietzsche what the [bad word] you are supposed to be in mahogany
> nietzsche why are you flirting with someone you think is cobra commander
> ...also what are these secret plans you are apparently up to
> but start with why you are flirting with cobra commander

However, since none of these topics are ones that would actually occur to Cobra Commander, save perhaps "why are you flirting with Cobra Commander" (and even then it's questionable, because who is she to judge), she's got to come up with something else instead.

...and seriously hope that this mask does a fair job of masking her voice.

And seriously hope that Nietzsche's eidetic memory doesn't instantly notice that something is clearly off because — yeah, she's basically [whoopsie]ed, who is she kidding.]

Projectssss? What kind of projectsssss?

[But then, with all the mercurial whimsy of a man who would in complete seriousness commission a big-ass snake throne for himself— ]

Never mind! Tell me ssssssome other time, I don't have time today!

[explosivecombat]

[Wh...]

How many projects do we have?

[All right, all right, let's just try to jog the moron's memory here, perhaps he's still a bit...ah, loopier than usual after that odd three-day period - ]

Busy or not, I'm also here on behalf of my superior officer; I think it would be for the best if we had a discussion as soon as circumstances allow.

[Did that help, because really.]

[doitrockapella]

[...Oh, so Superior's involved in this, too, is h—

...

ARE YOU GUYS INVITING COBRA COMMANDER TO YOUR WAR DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT IS A GOOD IDEA.

Okay, so in fairness maybe it's something else, but the point stands.]

I sssssaid not right now!

[And to supplement this, she's just going to...gesture emphatically around the general area, and then at the relative region of one's ear, in the hopefully universal sign language for THIS ROOM MIGHT BE BUGGED, YOU IDIOT.]

[explosivecombat]

[...Oh, excuse you?]

Believe me, I heard you the first time.

[doitrockapella]

Good, then!

[POSSIBLY AN ESCAPE. Just gonna try to blow right past him, here...]

[20faces]

[Generally Akira tries to keep to himself inside the Rocket base. The people here don't seem very friendly, even when you're trying to be nice to them! But he can't help exclaiming when he sees a familiar figure pass by.]

Ah! It's you!

[He doesn't know Cobra Commander. But he knows that guy who publicly outed himself as a Rocket over the Pokegear and apparently lost something very valuable to the team.]

Are you all right? I thought for sure Team Rocket was going to mess you up!

[doitrockapella]

[Whoops, spotted again. Welp, time to go with the usual standby — scream a lot, shake fists, and insist that every action she takes is completely beyond question or reproach.]

Yes, of course it'sssss me! And of course I'm fine, you fool!

[Fist shake.]

Why would I be anything but fine?!

[20faces]

You broke the rules and revealed your identity!

[Does he not realise what a big deal that is?!]

What about that object that went missing?! You made it sound like Team Rocket was going to be really angry with you!

[doitrockapella]

[...Well, someone certainly doesn't realize what a big deal that is. Blast it, Cobra, how is it that she's getting stuck with the fallout from your screwups? Really.

Time for some fast talking, then.]

Of course I did, you fool! Do you think I'm ssssssstupid? It's none of your business why I did that, but I'm c(sssssss)ertainly not in trouble for it!

1/2

[20faces]

Then... you were just acting?

[He tilts his head to one side, as if trying to determine if that's really true...]

2/2

[20faces]

That was amazing! You're a real master, sir! I believed every word - I honestly thought you were scared out of your skin!

[He's so impressed he gives Cobra a little round of applause!]

[doitrockapella]

[...Oh, god, who is this poor kid and how did he end up with the Rockets, good grief.]

That's right! You were ssssssupposed to!

[...]

And don't say that sssssssso loud, either!

[ortion]

[It's just another day in the base for Dist: daily morning routine of doing his makeup, checking his various horrible projects in the labs, snooping to see what his fellow scientists are up to, training his Pokemon, meandering about the base during the dull periods of the day where nothing's going on...

And so he's doing the meandering thing with his Roserade at his side as he comes across a familiar face. Huh, that's interesting. Cobra hasn't been back in the base in a while, and he usually makes a loud entrance like he owns the place every time he does pop in.]

Well well, what's this? You've decided to grace us with your presence, Commander? What's the special occasion this time?

[Maybe he's trying lay low after what happened on the network the other week? If that's the case, Dist sympathizes.]

[doitrockapella]

[Well, perhaps it's not so much a familiar face as a familiar mask, since the face is...decidedly not Cobra Commander. Not that anyone actually knows what Cobra Commander looks like, but.

...And none of that is really the point, um.

WELP, HERE WE GO AGAIN, APPARENTLY. Good lord, is every Rocket in this base going to turn out and talk to her while she's sort of illegally roaming here? Why must you be so blasted popular, Cobra...]

Yesssss! Yes I have! And I'm here on very important business, ssssso don't delay me!

[And preferably don't ask what that business is, because heck if she knows...]

[ortion]

[Yes...mask would definitely be the better word.

At least Carmen's doing a good job of impersonating the Commander though, because Dist seems to be buying it for the most part.]

Oh? Have the Executives been handing out new assignments? I'm surprised they made you come all the way back here for that. Weren't you still in Vermilion last we spoke?

[doitrockapella]

[...Which is kind of sad, considering her general criteria for this boil down to "yell a lot", "hiss frequently", and "occasionally supplement with fist-shake".]

I can't tell you about that! It's Top Ssssssecret! And you won't assssssssk if you know what's good for you!

[ortion]

[In Dist's opinion, there really isn't that much more to the Commander.

... But hm. He's not usually this snippy. At least, he's never been this snippy or secretive to Dist, so he's wondering what's up. It must be something really juicy.

He's also kind of surprised Cobra hasn't asked about the research he's been doing for him. But hey, the guy must be preoccupied with this ~top secret mission~.]

So they are giving new assignments, then. I do hope they're not playing favorites, because I have yet to hear of any new assignments.

[doitrockapella]

[...Hmmmm. Okay, so it seems this is either the part where she can attempt to make a neat and tidy getaway, or she can go all in for full stupid.

...

WELP. This guy's got to be a mad scientist. She knows there's a handful of them around in the base, and let's be real, he just looks like the kind of guy who would be. So let's see if we can't just...]

Of courssssssse not! Bessssssides, the work you're doing is far too important, anyway!

[Here's hoping here's hoping here's hoping...]