my heart's not fluttering or anything

[quadrangle]

Who: Hamsteaks,Team RWPY, & Dipper
Where: GOLDENROD INN, specifically Dave and Karkat's room but possibly others as well? It depends.
When: 3/5, afternoonish/evening/well into the wee hours of 3/6
Summary: A certain travel party largely consisting of traumatized teenagers initiates a team building exercise, AKA sleepover. This is clearly the best idea ever and will in no way backfire at all.
Rating: PG-13 for, uh. Homestuck vocabularies.
Log:

[Despite having been in their immediate vicinity for three weeks, Karkat had somehow managed to avoid talking to most of the people in their group for any significant length of time. A lot of it was personal preference because yes, he was still intermittently freaking out about being a human surrounded by humans, but the fact that he'd blown up at two of the other party members and probably guaranteed that Jade or Dave or both would be auspisticizing between them for the foreseeable future (oh god please no) didn't help matters. He'd rather stay in his damn room or hide in the local bookstore than deal with any of that bullshit.

Unfortunately, maintaining his busy schedule of staying the fuck away from other people as much as possible was untenable, especially when his best friends were also their friends and he literally had no excuse to keep putting it off—unless he could say he needed to take his Pokemon on a walk? Do people even take Pokemon on walks? Would Dave even buy that when neither Merope nor Sharru have shown the slightest amount of interest in going on walks? Well, okay, no, Dave might not even care, but Jade...

Either way, the moment his roommate decides on the impromptu movie night, sends out texts to inform the others, and begins putting together a Sweet Throh and Hella Sawk flyer for their door to mark the occasion (why is he friends with this moron again) is the moment Karkat's fate is sealed.

They're going to have a sleepover, and everyone is invited.]

Comments

[quadrangle]

... So you're literally putting this fucking swear jar thing into effect because of me.

[He came here to have a good time and he's honestly feeling so attacked right now. Also, this is one of the blackest things anyone's ever done to him and it's coming from a fucking human, why is this his life? And Yang doesn't even realize it! How the fuck does he make it stop?

He pinches the bridge of his nose and counts silently to ten, or rather tries. He only makes it to four.]

Sure! Put it to a vote! Let's fucking commence this human public shaming ritual, I am beside myself with exuberance at the thought! What's next, a shiny new placronym for me to hang around my neck saying "Foaming Shitmouth?" I take it back, you should use the funds to buy me one of those!

[yanginthere]

[ She's just going to let him attempt to come to terms with this and maybe, just maybe, calm down a bit.

Yang's starting to run low on faith in Karkat; also, patience. She grit her teeth and took a long, deep breath. ]

That sign would defeat the point, but— [ Now she's pointing a bar of soap at him, because she can and it was right there by her hand anyway. ] —if you want, I could start with rinsing your mouth out! Or is that another silly human expression you're not comfortable with, right alongside "respecting boundaries"?

[quadrangle]

—"Respecting boundaries?!"

[All right, so if the rest of the partygoers couldn't hear them up until this point, they can definitely hear Karkat now.]

YOU'VE BEEN BLACKFLIRTING WITH ME SINCE THE DAY WE MET AND YOU'RE TALKING TO ME ABOUT FUCKING BOUNDARIES?!

[callbacks]

[From the other side of the door:]

Indoor voices, fuckface, we're trying to play Truth or Dare out here.

[yanginthere]

[ Dave she knows you're probably trying to help but as soon as Jade has barged in, Yang is leaning out and fixing him with a glare. And using her Mom Voice. ]

Dave!

[ — and Jade is swearing too but that seems to be the only way Karkat communicates so she isn't about to stop her. Hypocrite? A little bit. ]

[callbacks]

[Oh no, not the Mom Voice.]

What, what did I do?

[yanginthere]

[ She let out a quick, exasperated sigh. Yang stepped into view, arms crossed. ] Uh, the swearing??

Why do you think I've got Karkat in here anyway?

[ There is no way anyone could have known. ]

[callbacks]

...Swearing is bad?

[Uh-oh.]

[yanginthere]

[ She cannot believe that question just happened. ]

Dave. [ Yang just points at Ruby, and then gestures like "what do you THINK!?" ]

[callbacks]

[He looks at Ruby, then back to Yang. Karkat, Jade, Ruby, and then Yang again. His expression becomes no more enlightened.]

Swearing is bad because...Ruby...is young? [Oh, wait, does he have it?] And if she picks up too much shorthand, she won't learn when to use which swear word most effectively?

[Ah. No. He does not. He does not have it.]

[yanginthere]

[ An attempt was made. It's not enough to stop Yang from facepalming. ] OH. My god.

[callbacks]

Swearing is bad because Ruby can't do it well yet and it makes her feel bad?

[yanginthere]

What?! NO!! I don't even know what what MEANS!! I just want you to shu—!!

[ Oh hey that sure was the sound of the door behind her. Yang halted and stepped aside to keep from getting hit with it. Whoever barged is in going to see Yang wielding a sharpie in one hand and a bar of soap in the other. ]

[eclectictype]

KARKAT HOLY FUCK!

[Yep, it's Jade, completely bypassing what Yang is holding or doing to scold Karkat.]

Nobody is hateflirting with you, for fuck's sake! Humans don't do hatemance! Why don't you, for once, stop being a hypocritical shitbaby and respect human culture?!

[She is about five seconds away from taking him by the ear and pulling him out of there, don't test her.]

[quadrangle]

[Karkat is just opening his mouth to either a) correct this ignorant human about her obviously flawed assumptions, b) launch intoaa lengthy explanation of quadrants, c) yell more about anything, or d) some combination of the above when Jade barges in and holy fuck he has never been happier to see her in his life.]

Oh thank god you're here, you—what the fuck do you mean, hypocrite?! YOU'RE the ones who keep tripping over quadrants like you're playing fucking tic-tac-toe!

[Well, that didn't last long.]

[usedglaciate]

[Do you see this? This is what Weiss looks like when she's fed up and about to read people the riot act.]

What in the world are all of you doing, and why is everyone swearing so much that there will be a blue cloud in the air for years?!

[eclectictype]

Hold up--

[Yes, now she's grabbing Karkat by the ear and dragging him out of the bathroom.]

I don't know what a blue cloud in the air for years means, but Karkat here has a little problem called "I think everyone is flirting with me because my culture has a messed up romance system and I refuse to accept the concept of human romance."

[And she...pushes him down. Promptly sitting on him.]

He'll be quiet now, though.

[quadrangle]

[... THIS WAS A MISTAKE.]

Jade—JADE, WHAT THE FUOW MY EAR, STOP GODDAMMIT YOU NIGHTMARE BITCH, GET YOUR FUCKING HANDS OFF ME.

[And so it goes until Jade pushes him down and holy shit, he's not sure how he feels about this. Jade. Jade, why.

Either way, have a few blissful seconds of silence while Karkat fondly regards the floor or something. Wow that sure is some carpet.]

... Get off.

[Or stay. He honestly can't decide.]

[usedglaciate]

It means the language is so bad it turns the air blue -

[...and then that happened. Yep.]</small. ...well, that's one way to deal with it.

[eclectictype]

Oh! Well, okay, no worries there--we won't be having the air turn blue.

[And as an aside to Karkat:] No. I am very comfy now.

[quadrangle]

[... Still so conflicted. Okay yes, Jade has his permission to stay where she is while he tries to figure this out.]

Fine.

[He cranes his neck trying to get a better look at her.]

You're still a bitch.

[in4apounding]

[Well, that sure all happened. Penny takes a second trying to absorb just... everything that happened in about a second or so, a piece of popcorn halfway to her mouth.]

...Wait, Karkat and Yang? When did that happen?

[She thought Yang had better taste than that, but okay.]

[eclectictype]

Oh my god no, no Penny, no.

[Jade holds up her hands in an X formation.]

Noooooo. It's just dumb troll romance stuff, it does not apply to humans at all. I am fairly certain, even if we did such things, Yang would have a better option for rivalmances than Karkat.

[yanginthere]

[ Raises her hand. ]

Uh. I'm still right here?

[ And apparently taking a moment from preparing the final version of the Swear Jar Rules for voting to talk about... dating?? ] What's going on?

[in4apounding]

Nothing, apparently! I was just worried for a second that you were making a sort of terrible romantic choice.

[Sorry Karkat. She's sort of beginning to understand the 'jerk friend' concept, but kismesitude is too alien.]

I guess I misheard!