Taking it slow, but it's not typical

[callbacks]

Who: Dave Strider callbacks and all y'all's lovely faces!
Where: Goldenrod City
When: Throughout the month of March
Summary: Come bug Dave at his part-time gig at the nice combination café/bookstore. OR, if we have plans (or you'd like to make plans; hit me up at asherdashery, it's public) I can write up a starter just for you!
Rating: Probably nothing over PG-13.
Log:

[Food service is...well, it's everything movies told him it would be. But as far as workplaces go, the café isn't half-bad. The bookshelves make everything seem quiet even during busy hours, and the comforting scent of paper and coffee fills the space. Dave actually kind of looks forward to his shifts there.

The best part, though, is making the latte art. It took him a while to get the hang of it, because it's got to do with as much science and math as it does art, but Dave is nothing if not a master of timing. Most customers will get a heart, leaf, or tulip, but at slower times of day, he might experiment with drawing a little more.

(He has, of course, also figured out how to draw a dick in your latte. But that's neither here nor there.)

He's a quiet, friendly server, and as long as it's not caffeine crunch time, feel free to request your favorite Pokémon. Or if you're the only one there on a slow day, just wait--he might surprise you.]

((OOC: So! Since this log is open all month, please give me the date you want our thread to go down. I'll also be updating a thread tracker of sorts below so it'll be easier for all of us to find the right thread. Threads do not have to take place in the café! I just provided that as a starter for people who just want to chill with Dave. I'm gonna be throwing a bunch of non-coffee-related starters in here, too.))

NAVIGATION
March 4 - Carolina and Karkat, lunch
March 7 - Kaneki, café | March 8 - Maka, café; Chihiro, café | March 9 - Naoya, Honeyed Souls | March 11 - Jimmy Two-Shoes, text-->action
March 13 Banjou, café | March 14 - Karkat, pale confession

Comments

[callbacks]

[No. There will be no changing of subject. In fact, even though head pets are the best thing ever to have been invented by mortal mind (and his favorite spots seem to be in the back, where his hair's clipped to fuzz; he just melts), he actually stops and pulls back a bit, just so he can look at his blushing moirail.

(His. That's a new concept, too. He never could think that way about Terezi.)]

You literally found me irresistible.

[Dave is grinning like an asshole.]

You just said it, no take-backs. You couldn't keep your hands off my hot young bod. Or my, I dunno. Whatever the equivalent of hot is for palepals.

[He withdraws both arms just so he can reach up and rub both Karkat's cheeks with his thumbs. Haha, what the fuck, that's adorable and also makes him feel weirdly fluttery on the inside.]

You know, considering the quadrant, I'm wondering if I should feel slightly insulted.

[quadrangle]

[GODDAMMIT.]

Shut your fucking mouth, Dave, I never said you were irresistible!

[Not using that word, anyway, and what the fuck are these thumbs on his face, what is Dave doing?! Karkat sputters and unwinds his arms from his moirail so he can seize the edge of the blanket and at least try to yank it over his stupid smug head. This irredeemable grubfucker, why had he been so attracted to him again?]

You want a quadrant lecture? I'll give you a fucking quadrant lecture! For one, we usually say palemate, but if you want to be a wiggler about it, fine, "palepal" works.

[The ~*scornfully pantomimed*~ enclosure talons are audible, even if he does eventually give up his efforts to drown Dave in fluffy red fabric in record time and thus has his hands free to do it if he wished. He just doesn't. Dick.]

Second, it's not an insult to say you pity someone, you insipid douche. Even in moirallegiance, where the goal is to pacify each other, you wouldn't feel that attraction if the person's strengths weren't more important to you than how fucking terrible they are at handling their shit. So when I say I'm pale for you, what I really mean is—

[Oh. Oh fuck, no, how did he make it worse, he's going to need to actually finish this thought, isn't he? Or just BS it somehow?? But lying to his moirail about this, even if they're an epic jackoff like Dave fucking Strider is just—RRGH.

Karkat's face is on fire by now, but he grits out the rest anyway, his hands now drifting up to Dave's and. Okay, he's not sure he wants to move them. Fuck.]

What I mean is that you're too fucking important to me for me to just—just stand by and let you hurt yourself, all right? It means I'm willing to stick my neck out for you because guess what, unstable trolls without moirails or morails who don't do their fucking jobs get culled. Sometimes both do! And if your moirail is really, really unstable, there's always a chance you'll be the first one to—that they'll—

[Fuck. Fuck. Fuck, he hadn't meant to—shit, breathe, this really isn't the time, how can he pull this back? Think about Dave, not—the other one.

He presses Dave's hands against his skin and closes his eyes. God, he's so fucking pathetic, why can't he let that go?]

... It's not an insult.

[callbacks]

[The blowup is hilarious until it's not, until Karkat falters right at the end.]

I know. Shhh.

[Karkat's got his hands pinned, and right now, Dave doesn't feel like the kind of asshole to pull them away, even if it's only to comfort him further. Instead, he just leans his forehead against Karkat's, closes his eyes, too.]

You're safe with me, all right? The most danger you'll ever be in is of having to witness me sticking my own foot down my throat like a starving man at a five-star buffet. There it goes, barreling straight down Esophagus Lane, that strut pod ain't never coming back, y'all. Dave's walkstub has left the building.

[Dave takes advantage of what play Karkat's left his thumbs to brush them gently over Karkat's cheekbones again.]

I don't...I don't have a problem with being important to you. [Even if the concept still feels too big to get around, to even comprehend properly.] I'm just making light of shit until it stops feeling so...until it stops blowing my mind basically every time.

[One conversation can't erase thirteen--sixteen, more?--years of feeling like everyone's afterthought, like he's only as good as the novelty of his entertainment. Only by dint of will is he not dying and stuttering over Karkat's every casual confession of feeling, of caring, of giving a fucking shit about him as a friend. As a person.

He moves his head back to look at Karkat, face framed carefully in his hands. Dave's eyes are steady, waiting.]

But still, you know--even if humans don't have those categories, I still feel pretty much the same way about you, right. So, even if I don't get some of the other stuff, I--I still know.

[To protect. To shield so Karkat can get his footing back, to support so he can grow. To be there. To let Karkat take care of him, to trust, so they can teach each other how not to be afraid.]

I'm not gonna dick around like a jackass while you hurt, either, okay? Even if I weren't your...your palemate, that wouldn't...change. [More firmly, more softly:] I'd still feel that way.

[quadrangle]

[He doesn't mean to, but Karkat just might flinch at the contact at first—you know, because he's a fucking moron who can't work out for himself that only Dave could be this close right now. Never mind the fact that they look, smell, sound, and feel completely different, much less that Karkat can literally sense each and every word passing Dave's lips as a faint breeze at this distance, oh no, he has to have a fucking panic attack over everything like it happened yesterday. What kind of troll is he?

His eyes gradually open, but he's staring at Dave's mouth as he speaks, his features twisted into a frown. Yes, he knows he's safe, he trusts Dave, but he's such a fucking mess. How can Dave commit himself to shoveling this bullshit when the reward is just more Karkat? Is there even really a difference between the two?

... He's straying from the point. Again.

Swallowing roughly, Karkat finally meets Dave's eyes, releases his hands, and reaches out with one of his own to cup his moirail's cheek while he just... looks at him. This stupid, stupid asshole deserves so much better.]

I believe you. Or—or I'm trying to, it's just...

[He shrugs helplessly, struggling not to break eye contact. Does he even need to say how fucking hard his self-loathing makes it to accept Dave's feelings? God, this is so completely moronic, why are they having the same issues with everything?

A second or two passes before he leans in to reestablish that forehead-to-forehead contact because yes, he'd missed it. Stop moving away, goddammit, even if it's to make a point.]

I trust you. I know I'm safe with you. It's just hard not to feel like I'm... like you don't need this as much as I do.

[Like I'm not good enough for you. Like you don't need me as much as I need you. Dave needs a moirail, yes, but Karkat? And. And, wait. Wait, goddammit, did he just—FUCK.

He pulls his hand back to swipe angrily at his eye and adds the rest in a rush.]

I'm not questioning—I mean, I'm, fuck, I'm not trying to belittle your feelings or get you to say or do anything here, and I know you're being sincere, I'm just—

[Really, really fucked up. God, no, it would sound like he's just copying what Dave had said earlier, what the hell is he even doing?!]

I-I'm working on it, okay?

[Please don't go. Please.]

[callbacks]

Shhh. I know, dude. You're fine.

[He's got his hands back, but he only moves one of them, smoothing his fingers down the side of Karkat's neck. If Karkat's stupidly snuggable, he's eminently touchable, too, in some inexplicable subconscious hindbrain way. It's weird, something about his baby fat to muscle ratio, something about the way he's shaped.

Maybe it's because he's not that big, or because he's vocal and always butting into things so Dave doesn't have to wonder as much whether he actually wants to be there or not.

(Maybe it's because Karkat's never hurt him.)

His fingertips graze over the ends of Karkat's hair in the back, and he rubs them in there again, gentle. Tries to pat the mess down. It's a mission impossible.]

If it only took hugging it out one time to fix people's longstanding brain problems, y'all wouldn't dedicate a whole quadrant to it for like the rest of your lives. And humans wouldn't spend fucking decades in therapy, either.

[His movements slow to stillness again, and then, speaking of hugging it out, he loops his arms around Karkat and resettles them both.]

You got time, all right? I promised you before. I'm not going anywhere.

[He breathes out right across Karkat's hair.]

You could fall asleep on my arm and cut my circulation the hell off, and I wouldn't even nudge you. You don't see that kind of dedication every day, bro. I am a rare and beautiful gift. Love me.

[quadrangle]

[Not for lack of trying, but at the moment, biting Dave and/or his garments is the furthest thing from Karkat's mind. God, just—how had he dismissed that so easily? Not that Karkat's complaining or even disagreeing with Dave's assessment, but obviously their issues with all these goddamn emotions are completely different no matter how similar they seem on the surface. He doesn't understand how his moirail is being this patient with him. It doesn't make sense.

Countering any of the points raised is beyond him, though; between all the shooshing and holy fuck what even was that touch on his neck, Karkat's melting into a complacent puddle of goo again, hug returned with absolutely zero evidence of actual thought on his part. Humans shouldn't be so good at this, they don't even do quadrants. Either something's seriously amiss, his feelings for Dave are completely clouding his judgment, or Dave is secretly some kind of diamond savant.

Or, in his words, a "palequad Casanova." If humans had adult titles, that would be his adult title.

... Yeah. Wow. Fuck no.

Snorting quietly under his breath, Karkat gives Dave an uncoordinated nuzzle and lets his head thunk against his moirail's collarbone. Damn him for being so tall anyway.]

Pale for you. Same thing.

[Sort of, anyway. More quadrant lectures can wait; he's not eager to revisit that subject in a hurry. He'll do it later, assuming they're both feeling less emotionally compromised.

And... even if all of this has been sentimental enough for any and every romcom Karkat has ever seen, he has to add one thing more.]

I believe you, I think. You're still a fucking moron for agreeing to this, but I'm glad you did.

[All the romcoms. All of them.]

[callbacks]

[Dave snorts rudely, back of Karkat's head cradled in his hand again. Maybe Karkat will let him play with his hair the way Jade does. He's not sure what's possible to do with it this short, but that won't stop him from trying. If allowed, of course.]

You're the one with shit-tier taste in humans, dumpass.

[Seriously. Pale crush on Dave, black crush on John? Karkat, no. That is backwards in every way.

Doesn't mean it doesn't get him right in the base of the throat, though. Doesn't mean he's not glad, all of the sudden, that Karkat can't see his face right now, tucked as he is into his chest. (The weird bump in his collarbone where the broken bone healed crooked when he was little, can he feel it with his face? It's kind of funny to think about.)

Doesn't mean he doesn't realize that, with 'Same thing,' Karkat just about said, 'I love you.' Doesnt mean the whole thing they're trying doesn't shift just slightly for him, doesn't mean he won't hold what was already a rich and weighty and fragile gift with more gravity, now. With more care. Whether or not Karkat knows what that means to Dave, he's just going to roll that feeling into a cool little ball and hang onto it, pressed deep into his chest where all such moments go.

'Just don't go anywhere. I couldn't take it if you did.'
'You're good too, Dave. All the bad things that've happened to you, you don't...deserve them either.'
'You are one of my very best friends and I always felt a little less lonely when talking to you.'
'But you have to promise to stay put. Don't try to stop me. Just let it go.'
'Dear Dave...Happy birthday!!!'

Shit. He'll do pretty much anything for Karkat, now, probably. Dave laughs a little, an unvoiced haha through the nose, and makes sure Karkat's gathered up close and comfortable and warm into him.]

I used to think you hated me. ...I dunno, maybe you did. I wouldn't've blamed you. So I guess I always figured, if you were gonna proposition me in a quadrant, it would've been in kismespades.

[He closes his eyes, smiling over Karkat's head.]

Glad you didn't.

[quadrangle]

Not my fault I haven't met a lot of you assholes.

[Except that it sort of is. Not the issue, and yes, Karkat's voice was muffled because he doesn't feel like moving yet. Or ever.]

We wouldn't have worked as kismeses anyway. All of my... I guess it was more like resentment than hate? Whatever the fuck it was, all that shit was more tied into your thing with Terezi than you, and that was entirely my fuckup with her. You being a douchebag didn't help, but it wasn't the real issue.

[It goes without saying that all of this is especially embarrassing in hindsight. All his lashing out at Dave, that fucking shipping schedule—god, that would have been such a disaster if they'd actually gone through with it, what had he been thinking?

Laboriously, he raises his head just enough to get a look at Dave's expression, then goes back to resting against him. Discussing this quadrant probably isn't that much safer, but...]

Becoming someone's kismesis just because they hooked up with someone you had red feelings for is a stupid thing to do no matter how you look at it. And... besides, you might piss me off sometimes, but you're really hard to hate for long.

[There would have been so much quadrant vacillation. Fuck, they probably would have gone through every quadrant if Terezi had gotten involved. It's a good thing that won't happen now.]

[callbacks]

[Yeah geez totally dodged that bullet there, P H E W. Quadrant vacillation: Not Even Once, Ever.

Dave's quiet for a moment, regarding his own thoughts from a distance, like they're something he can trap behind glass for long enough to examine, to see what they really are without having to touch. Like feelings are something he can pin like butterflies and preserve and understand.

They aren't, really, but you're really hard to hate for long strikes a faint chime in him he's starting to recognize as someone said something really meaningful to me and I'm going to have to pick it apart later to deduce what, exactly, it meant. It's a pleasant sound, like a fingernail against a little glass flute--even if it does weird things to him, makes him feel all unguarded and hushed.]

Hm. Yeah?

[He couldn't have been Karkat's kismesis anyway. Not just because he wasn't interested, not just because he didn't even understand what the relationship entailed, but because he didn't wanted to be hated. Couldn't hate Karkat, either, not ever.

He rests his face in Karkat's hair for a moment, just long enough to get used to the smell of his skin, before turning his head again, relaxing there comfortably.]

I'll take your word for it.