route_1065 | I am a question to the world

Entry tags:

roxas | kingdom hearts

I am a question to the world

Who: Roxas and you
Where: Goldenrod City
When: Jan 2, 2010
Summary: A lonely boy reflects on the year.
In the mood for prose, so no action please and thanks.
Rating: PG
Log:
Roxas wasn't entirely sure where he was. He knew he was still in Goldenrod City, but he wasn't exactly sure where. He'd left the Department Store, and just started walking. No destination in mind, he'd just needed to walk. There were thoughts that needed thinking, and he needed time alone to do that. As he walked, he realized that this was probably one of the few times he'd been truly alone since arriving in Johto. Almost every other time, he'd had a pokemon with him. Sparky, or someone else. It felt weird, almost, to be without that familiar weight on his shoulder.

He flopped on a snowbank, and stared up at the darkening sky. It was a bit cold, but he didn't mind. He liked staring at the winter sky, getting lost in it. He felt like it was a sky that suited him. Roxas had to pause at that. It was another marker, that he'd learned more about himself. That had had happened a lot in the past six months. Six months of extended existence. He'd been able to explore himself as a person. It felt weird, being able to think like that. Before it had just been missions, and ice cream with Axel, and learning the truth meant the end of everything. Now he was coming into his own. It was different now.

It was almost laughable now, the way that while he thought his life was ending, it really was just beginning. He thought he'd be going back to Sora, and instead ended up in Johto, where he was given a goal and place to be. And people who liked him, wanted to be his friend, for real. Beyond Axel. He stilled wished Axel was here. So much had happened between them, and he wanted to say something, apologize, anything. He owed Axel that much, since the last time they met, he, everything was all messed up. Most of all he wanted to share this world with him. It was a place where he could be himself, whoever that was, without worrying about who he was before.

He smiled, one of the rare real smiles that crossed his face.

"I'm still here..."

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If anybody had told Envy that someday he would be stuck in a human body in a strange world and that he would have found people he cared about and might care about him (some of them human no less), he would probably have laughed and then killed them. More so if that person had told him that he wouldn't be entirely certain he wanted to go back to the way things were before.

He didn't want to think about that uncertainty, didn't want to think about how he might have even wanted parts of this. Those weren't things he should want, not when he'd resigned himself long ago to the fact that something like him could never have them. It had been so simple before: he'd wanted to kill his father and he'd wanted to destroy every pathetic human in the world until it was only homunculi left. This world had taken that away from him and he hated it. Feeling the sudden need to lash out, he whirled on a nearby garbage can, his foot impacting the metal with a sharp clang as the contents spilled out into the snow. Immediately he turned to look around, to see if there was anybody who'd seen. And...there was a boy lying in the snow. He froze for a moment and then straightened, acting as though he hadn't just done anything.

"What are you doing?"

Roxas sat up slightly when he heard the noise. He should have expected that there would have been other people about. It wasn't an unreasonable time of day.

He paused for a moment before answering the question.

"Just thinking," Roxas said simply.

"In the snow?"

Maybe he should pick the trashcan back up before someone else came by. He didn't feel like getting scolded. As casually as possible, he righted the can itself without picking up the actual trash that had been inside it.

"I guess so. Just sort of ended up here."

A shrug. He could have gone anywhere, really. But the Department Store roof was still covered in snow and there wasn't a good place to sit, and Roxas got the feeling he'd get in trouble if he tried to climb the radio tower.

"I don't mind it."

He didn't say anything about the trash can. He understood frustration.

Edited 2011-01-04 06:13 (UTC)

"Even if you don't mind, humans'll get sick lying around outside when it's cold." He shrugged, not sounding actually concerned about Roxas' health so much as stating a fact.

He wasn't sure why he was bothering to talk to the kid, but he wasn't doing anything else. And annoying some stranger might distract him from thinking for a little while.

"I guess so," Roxas shrugged. He'd never really been sick before. He'd fallen asleep for unexplained reasons, but never actually had an illness.

"Though if it's cold, I guess we should both be inside."

"Yeah, probably. I just felt like getting out of the Center for a while."

He'll give Roxas a little bit of an odd, considering look though. Most people pointed out when he mentioned humans as something else. But there seemed to be so many nonhumans here that the kid might be one himself, or just be used to it. Which was still a bit of a novel concept for Envy, even after being here so long. "Thinking about anything interesting?"

"I know that feeling. The inn gets stuffy after a while," Roxas agreed.

"Just stuff. I've been here for a while, so I guess reflecting." There was a shrug. Roxas was friendly enough not to answer a question, but he wasn't about to share his life story. A more general one would do.

It was around the time that Kisa should have been heading inside. If any of her Pokémon or travel companions had a say, she would have been in with a mug of cocoa, no ifs, ands, or buts. But most of them were resting, the babies included, and she had only Ari for company; the Growlithe had always refused to leave her side, and she'd been the first thing to start drawing Kisa out from her shell of self-loathing and timidity.

They were out for a walk now, Kisa's thoughts somewhat conflicted. It was the first year that they hadn't been home to attend the New Year's Banquet for the Zodiac, and she was sure if Akito had known, he would have been furious. But that had been out of her control. It just felt strange now, being here where Ritsu was her only family.

A nudge from Ari reminded her to pay attention to her surroundings-- and much to her surprise, when she looked up, it was to see someone else out there. Not having expected that, her voice emerged in a startled squeak before she could go about greeting him with a bit more subtlety.

"R-Roxas-oniichan?"

The voice woke Roxas from his thoughts. He wondered, briefly, how long he'd been out there, just thinking about things. It took him a few more moments to place to the voice, before he finally sat up to look. Granted it didn't take long. Only one person called him that.

"Hi Kisa," he said from the snowbank.

The twelve-year-old nodded in response, treading with great care to approach him. She didn't feel like slipping and falling over right now, but Ari was there to melt any sudden patches of ice, so she was able to make it over to Roxas without stumbling.

"U-um..." She wasn't sure what to say at first. Was she bothering him? What if he wanted to be alone? Asking if she could join him seemed too bold for her. "You're not cold...?"

"Maybe a little, but I don't really mind," Roxas replied. He wasn't freezing, his new coat saw to that, but he was a little cold. Just the cold that comes with snow.

"What are you doing out here?" he asked.

"Walking." It was a simple answer, one that didn't precisely offer a whole lot of details, but those details weren't ones Kisa could easily provide. Much as she wished she could. "I wanted to... get some air for a little while."

She fell silent for a few minutes, then slowly pulled her pink scarf free. It was her favorite, if just because Cocona had made it, and in a move that most would have called normal (but was unusually bold for Kisa), she fluffed it up and placed it around Roxas' neck. She had Ari, so she was fine.

And then she fidgeted and glanced to the spot beside him. Maybe Roxas had just wanted to get some air, too. Or maybe he felt like being alone. "Um... i-is it okay?"

Roxas nodded, not really sure what to say. The scarf was warm and he was grateful for it, having left his back home. Well, at the inn, but that was close enough to home for him.

"Thank you," he said finally, deciding to stand up. Brushing the snow off of him, he looked at Kisa.

"Can I...walk with you?"

He-- wanted to walk with her? He'd asked first? From the incredibly staggered expression on Kisa's face, this hadn't happened too often in her lifetime. It soon vanished, though, to be replaced by an absolutely ecstatic look, and she bobbed her head up and down quickly. As far as she was concerned, Roxas never needed to ask permission for anything. Kisa would have been happy to oblige.

Roxas offered a small smile in return. He wished he could display the same excitement that others did, but it was hard for him. Still, he was glad.

"Thank you," he said again. Glancing down the street, he held out of his hand.

Kisa's enthusiasm was soft-spoken at best, but she'd learned that she didn't need to be loud to get certain sentiments across. And Roxas didn't need to be overly exuberant for her to realize he seemed happier. She simply slipped her hand in his.

"You don't... have to thank me," she said hesitantly. "I... like being with you."

Hearing that meant a lot to Roxas. It felt like it had been a long time since he had spoken to someone who liked being with him. Someone who was actually real and not a digital copy. He wanted to thank her again, but held it back. He really needed to learn how to accept friendship again. It was hard.

"I'm glad we get to see each other more now," He said, finally.

The only thing that prevented Kisa from thanking Roxas incessantly was the worry that it would bug him. So she just decided to take her cues from him, which - as it turned out - wasn't so hard to do. He was pretty much voicing her thoughts, anyway, and her next smile was more like a beam.

"Me too." Not that she didn't like her traveling group - as far as she was concerned, they were almost like family now - but sometimes she wished that Roxas would come along. Kisa liked seeing him, but it tended to be a rare thing, something she treasured whenever it happened. "Are you staying... for awhile?"

"I think so. At least until the snow melts," Roxas said, looking up at the sky. He was reluctant to stay, and really just wanted to run off somewhere. That had been his reaction when Ven had offered that invitation to him.

"I think it'll be hard to travel in this weather. Although, you managed to." It was meant as a compliment. Kisa had surprised him when she did that.

Kisa smiled at that, following Roxas' gaze to stare up at the sky. "Ari helped," she replied, by way of explanation. "And someone else was with me... so I wasn't doing it alone." In her opinion, the true victor had been Ritsu, who had fought his way through every single blizzard, only to collapse in Ecruteak. All for the sake of his cousin.

"And I wanted to see you... and my friends." It would have been nice to see Naminé again, too, but Kisa was a patient girl. She was sure she'd meet her again at some point. "Before anyone left."

"That's good. I'm glad you weren't alone," Roxas said. He didn't think anyone could be completely alone here. Not with all the pokemon around.

"Well, we did get to see each other again." There was a smile after this. Even if he wasn't the most social kid, Roxas did value friendship.

"Mm!" Kisa's smile grew brighter at the reminder. Sooner or later, one or the other would leave the city, but she decided not to think about that for now. "I know you weren't... alone, but I still thought that you..." A pause. "You looked lonely... lately."

Roxas paused, looking down at the ground. Maybe he had been feeling more lonely than usual. He wasn't the most social person, and did tend to distance himself from others.

"I guess I am. A bit. I miss my friends from home."

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I am a question to the world

Apologies for the length, hope this is alright

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