And when he held his wounded friend in his arms and death was all around

[usedrage.livejournal.com]

Who: usedrage miniworth & wingless_falcon
Where: The Pokemon Center --> Southeast of Goldenrod City
When: Sunday evening.
Summary: Ken wakes up from his canon-update coma. SHIT GOES DOWN.
Rating: R for Mature Concepts and triggers. TRIGGERS. LIKE MURDER AND DEATH AND SUICIDE. STAY OUT IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE IT.
Log:
Ken was stirring. Only barely, but he was stirring.

His dreams were uncomfortable and dark, and of the place he had once called home. Everything felt cold on his skin, as he felt himself dropping off in the alley behind Port Island Station. The temperatures were mild, even warm, but Ken felt as if he were surrounded in ice, freezing to death with the regret and knowledge of what he had caused--even with the ability to change things. He tried so hard to stop his fingers from shaking in the deserted alley that had been bloodstained only the night before.

Suppressants.

Shinjiro had been taking suppressants. He was going to die anyway. That did not make Ken feel much better--if anything it made him feel worse. If it weren't for him, if it weren't for his mother, for his revenge, Shinjiro would not have had to die.

Conflicted feelings on Shinjiro's actions or not, Ken was certain he no longer desired Shinjiro's death. Not while the man had stood before him and thanklessly taken the shot that would have killed Ken. Not while he had seen Shinjiro's guilt tear at him so badly he felt he needed to die to fix things--at his own hands when Ken could not commit the deed.

Ken's hand twitched in the Pokemon Center as if he were trying to grab something.

He stared at the evoker in his hands. How silly SEES had been not to take it away from him. How silly they had been to give it to him in the first place. Giving an eleven year old boy power beyond most people's wildest dreams? The power to kill in one shot, the power to heal someone on the verge of death... Could that really be trusted with Ken?

He knew if they found him, the would not let him keep it.

There is no reason for him to feel regret. That is the nature of revenge.

Ken wasn't sure, now, that Nemesis would even come to his call. The goddess of Divine Retribution--would she have abandoned him when he showed mercy, when he didn't think that a life for a life was necessary? The thought scared him. Ken was alone, left behind, and maybe powerless.

He lifted the evoker to his forehead. He had to see, he had to know--would she come for him? His breath shaking, his finger rested on the trigger. Three... two... on--

The evoker clattered to the ground beside him. He couldn't do it--not... not now.

The minutes ticked away, his eyes becoming heavy, tears clinging stubbornly to his lashes, though he swore to himself that he was not crying. Darkness began to close in around the edges of his eyes. He was so very tired... but he was so sure that this was not a good place to fall asleep, his former home or not.

He thought, for only moments before darkness closed in, of the tiny home that had stood here, two years ago, and the woman who had inhabited it with him--

Do not fear, this life is but a stepping stone...

Ken's eyes flickered open. It was very bright for the back alley, he thought. Or perhaps this wasn't the back alley, and he had died there. And now he was in whatever came next.

... No, he wasn't. He couldn't be. He finally tore his eyes away from the ceiling and looked to his side.

Miles-san... The expression he regarded his friend with was something between shock and horror.

Johto... he was back in Johto.

Comments

[miniworth]

Miles narrowed his eyes, frowning.

"Neither are you," he said, thickly. He set his jaw and clenched his free hand to keep his voice from shaking. He felt so cold, and his head was going to split any second now, he was sure of it. But he had to take Ken back, first..

[usedrage.livejournal.com]

Ken stares at him for a moment in disbelief. He tugged, desperately at his wrist, to get it free from Miles' grip. He was silent, positive Miles knew what he meant by that.

Don't take this away from me--I'm so close.... so close...

[miniworth]

Miles understood. He understood so well what Ken's actions meant. And he steeled his grip, shaking his head.

[usedrage.livejournal.com]

... Miles-san you can't do this to me....

He was shaking already, but his body redoubled its efforts to show it, bringing him to shivers more like convulsions. His eyes, wet with saltwater and already wet from the painful, freezing conditions of the sea, welled up again with burning tears.

You can't do this to me...

His gasps for air became different, air catching in his throat and feeling like it was trying to suffocate him. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to force back the tears.

His legs finally gave out beneath him and he collapsed into the water with a loud, pained sob. The water was up to his shoulders, but he barely cared, unable to taste the saltwater on his tongue as it rolled past him.

[miniworth]

"Ken-- you can't sit here. You're going to get sick."

But Miles made no move to force Ken to his feet. He couldn't, because he knew how Ken must be feeling. He knelt down to his friend's level, grimacing at the icy water that hit him when he did, and placed his hands on Ken's shoulders.

"Let's go back to the shore."

Come back with me.

[usedrage.livejournal.com]

The sobs, now that they had started, would not stop. He fumbled weakly, grasping at Miles' sleeves. But still he shook his head.

He'd made his decision, hadn't he? He'd made his decision the moment he opened that window, in the Iwatodai SEES dorm. He'd brought the death of a companion--it only made sense that he gave his life in return.

[miniworth]

Miles was suddenly aware, again, of the tightness in his chest and the turning of his stomach. Fighting down the vile - watching Ken was like taking a step back in time, watching himself through an emotional mirror. He grit his teeth and secured his hold on Ken's shoulders - not to pull him to standing, but just to show that he was still there. That Ken was still there.

He could only venture a guess as to what was eating away at his best friend. But how could it be possible? Ken had never left that room..

"....What day was it, Ken?"

[usedrage.livejournal.com]

Ken shook his head again, voice still shaking, barely able to speak. "It's Octo--n-no, I..." His head was foggy. It was January. But it was October.

"It's... October fifth... but it's... I-It's January..." His sense was dwindling in exhaustion, and fast.

[miniworth]

October fifth. Ken's tale about that date came back to Miles immediately, and his frown deepened.

"...Come on, Ken, you've got to get out of here."

He shifted, moving his arms around his friend and pulling Ken to his feet. Miles' legs felt so numb, he was amazed by his own ability to move at all. He pulled Ken closer and took a step forward. If Ken was not willing to walk on his own, he knew, Pess would come to his aid.

"I won't let you die here."

[usedrage.livejournal.com]

Ken's legs trembled as he tried to stand. Bogged down with soaking clothes, his eyes wouldn't leave the water. He didn't feel as if he could ever lift his head again.

"Nothing... Nothing changed."

[miniworth]

Miles shook his wet hair out of his face, eyes set on the shore, as he pulled Ken forward.

He had no words to give that would make Ken feel better now. He never would have, and he just held onto Ken tighter. He wondered which one of them felt more afraid at the moment - Ken, who failed, or him, who still didn't know what would happen.

Another step, and he looked up to see that Pess, Miles' jacket on her back for safekeeping, was making her way toward them.

[usedrage.livejournal.com]

It was a fight for Ken to keep his eyes open, now. He thought, momentarily, as he followed Miles, that if he lay here, right here, right now, and fell asleep, he would never have to wake up again.

It was tempting, and he had never wanted anything more.

[miniworth]

".....He was hurt protecting you, wasn't he?"

When she caught up to the two trainers in the water, the first thing Pess did was to nudge Ken with her large muzzle, licking his face. With Pess in tow, Miles dragged Ken the last few feet to the beach, lowering Ken to seating and himself collapsing to his knees, breathing laboredly, once they were well away from the icy waves.

"He died protecting you, didn't he?"

[usedrage.livejournal.com]

He opened his mouth to answer, suddenly aware of the puffs of steam it made... And couldn't say a word.

So, he nodded and hoped it would suffice.

[miniworth]

Miles dragged himself to his feet and, with hands shaking badly from the cold, he took his jacket from Pess, bringing it over to Ken. Kneeling by his friend, he gestured for Ken to take off his soaking jacket.

"...You can't die now, Ken."

[usedrage.livejournal.com]

He lifted his eyes, just a little, reluctant to oblige, but... eventually he shoulders it off. It drops into the sand and he doesn't move to pick it up.

"... I don't want to be here."

[miniworth]

"I don't think you want to be anywhere, now, do you?"

Miles spoke quietly, knowing that raising his voice wouldn't change anything.. it might make things worse, in fact. If he lost his voice now, he wouldn't be able to speak to Ken at all. He draped his own jacket over Ken.

He bit his lip, one hand resting on Ken's shoulder.

I want you here.

He couldn't say it, not now.

[usedrage.livejournal.com]

Bringing his knees to his chest, he is aware of how incredibly cold he is, how badly he is shaking all over.

His eyes close as he rests his forehead on his knees.

"Why...?"

[miniworth]

"Mr. Shinjiro wanted you to live, Ken. He gave his life so you could live."

Pess circled around the two boys, settling down close to Ken and nuzzling him, trying to warm him up even a little. She was well aware that they wouldn't be able to get him to move for a while.

Miles keeps his hand on Ken's shoulder, wishing it wouldn't shake so badly. But maybe Ken couldn't feel it; they were both trembling so much.. It was cold, deathly cold.

And he was so scared.

"....It wasn't you that shot Mr. Shinjiro. But he gave his life protecting you. If you died, now, you'd really end up killing him, at your own hands.

"Do you still seek revenge on him, Ken?"

[usedrage.livejournal.com]

"I n-never asked him to die for me!" He felt Miles shaking, and somewhere inside him it made him sick. "I didn't want him to die for me!"

"You shouldn't... you shouldn't be h-here! It's t-too cold!" All he needed was another person dying because of him.

[miniworth]

"I'm not leaving you here, Ken; you know I won't!"

Now even his teeth were chattering, and his ears were ringing. His face almost felt warm again, despite the cold, from the fever, but his legs were frozen numb, his hands still wet and clammy from the soaked bandages around them. This might end up worse than sleeping on the snow..

But he wasn't going to leave Ken here. Not like this -- or ever.

"J-just because you didn't ask, I-I don't think Mr. Shinjiro would have ever let you die.. and I won't, either." He closed his eyes against the pounding headache, but kept talking. "Mr. Shinjiro gave his life so that you could live, a-and.. I'm not going to let that go to waste.

"...I want you to live as much as he wanted, too.."

[usedrage.livejournal.com]

"Well, I don't want you to die because I'm an idiot!" His rage bubbled up hot enough to keep his voice from shaking, and he glared right into Miles' eyes for half a second. Then his head fell forward, and his shaking became softer--his energy was dwindling even more.

[miniworth]

"I don't want you to die no matter what the reason!"

The glare sent more shivers of fright through his body, but Miles ignored it, his hand clenching around the fabric of his jacket. The corners of his eyes stung with tears, and his chest felt so tight, he wondered why he was still breathing.

".....You're not the only one who doesn't want to be left alone, you know?"

He tugged on Ken, trying to get his friend to stand.

[usedrage.livejournal.com]

Half out of the desire to placate Miles, Ken stood. Almost immediately, his knees buckled beneath him, unable to hold him in their numbness.

A thin sort of terror washed over Ken. He was going to leave Miles alone, now, wasn't he? He couldn't feel his legs, it didn't feel as cold... That was what people said it felt like to die...

[miniworth]

His immediate reaction was to catch Ken before the boy fell ad hurt himself more. He secured his hold around Ken again, just as he had in the water, and he shook his head.

"...Let's go back, Ken. You need to rest."

Pess got to her feet as well, nudging her way over to Ken, lowering herself and offering a ride.