route_1065 | I alone am the one you don't know you need, you don't know you need me

Entry tags:

I alone am the one you don't know you need, you don't know you need me

Who:

usedcalmmind; closed
Where: Violet City PokéCenter
When: Sunday afternoon
Summary: Master and servant need to kiss and make up after their little spat
Rating: PG. 13 at the most but doubtful
Log:

[Ciel is still at the Pokémon Center even two days later. He knows he should be getting another room by now, but he's being stubborn, and the nurses haven't kicked him out yet. He has little in the way of money, after paying Miss Trepe back for the things she bought him and Elizabeth, and paying for Elizabeth's room as well. It's starting to look like he might have to get a job, which isn't something he's looking forward to. Certainly he worked back home, but most of it was paperwork concerning the company. Anything he did for the Queen was duty, not work. He couldn't stay in the Center forever though, and he did need money.

He'd spent most of the morning with Chrome and Lizzie, and as usual Elizabeth had worn him out, though he was sure Chrome was even more so. With a sigh he reaches down to pet Growlithe behind the ears who leaned up to meet the touch]

What kind of job do you think I should get, hm?

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[ After several more hours of restful sleep on Saturday (except for those damn dreams; how did humans deal with dreaming all the time?), Sebastian is feeling much calmer, and much less exhausted. His hand is out of its bandages, but he isn't wearing gloves, since he also isn't wearing his butler's uniform. There are a few ugly cuts across his knuckles and the back of his hand, and his right eye is still badly discoloured, but overall, he doesn't look too terrible.

He's reconciled himself with what he's going to have to do here. If he wants to patch things up with Ciel (and he does, because what happens if they reappear in England again and they're still not speaking? What happens if Ciel breaks the contract upon their return?), he's going to have to be honest with him. Acting superior to the boy isn't going to accomplish any more than the boy's acting superior to him.

Of course, he isn't completely sure that this approach will do any good, either, but it's essentially the only card he has to play.

He strides into the Pokémon Center with a brief smile for the nurse and her attendants, and makes his way over to the boy (and his mongrel) in the corner. His steps slow as he approaches. ]

[Ciel glances up at the sound of footsteps and when he sees Sebastian his frown turns into a scowl. Growlithe on the other hand is happy to see him. She leaves Ciel's feet to sniff at the demon and bump her head against his leg. Pet her Sebastian?

Ciel seems less than pleased at this.]

Can I help you?

[The damage to his face is much clearer now.]

[ Sebastian doesn't look down at the dog. If she were taller, he'd pet her, but he won't bend down to do it. He's studying Ciel, looking over the bruise on his face with a keyed-down expression. It doesn't look as bad as he expected it to, for how much force he put behind it. Then again, his strength isn't what it should be. By all rights, Ciel should have been unconscious from a blow like that. ]

I'd like to speak with you.

[Growlithe bumps him a little more forcefully and makes a whining noise. She wants pets dammit! Ciel's frown deepens and he calls her back over to him.]

I'm not particularly inclined to hear anything you have to say. Unless you've come to beg forgiveness.

[ The barest flicker of a knowing smile crosses his face, but he has the restraint not to roll his eyes. As if he hadn't seen that coming. ]

I've come to apologize and to explain myself. We can have this conversation here or privately.

[ He'd made up his mind before he got here. If he has to, he will do this in front of a crowd. These people are of no consequence to him. The only opinion that should (indeed, does) matter is his master's. ]

[Ciel studies him carefully, trying to read if he's serious or not. Without the contract in effect, it's honestly difficult for Ciel to tell. He's also not sure he wants an apology.]

I'd rather not have this conversation at all. Now, if you're finished, I have some training get back to.

[He stands up beckoning Growlithe to follow. The puppy looks between her trainer and Sebastian with a worried look.]

I don't think you understand. You only have two choices.

[ He turns as Ciel passes him, grabbing the boy's arm with a gentle hand. It's surprisingly easy to remain calm in the face of such stubborn childishness, now that he's not wound so tightly. ]

Are we going to do this right here?

[He rounds on Sebastian with a scowl when he grabs him, instantly lashing out.]

Who are you to tel-- [He stops mid-demand. No, he won't go down that road. Sebastian made it clear that he was nobody here. He pulls his arm away]

I'll be leaving now thank you. So if you'll excuse me...

[He makes to leave again.]

[ Sebastian steps back just slightly and sighs. He'd been hoping to save this card until later, but if Ciel won't even stand still....

It's not as if he doesn't know the boy's name; he speaks it in his head all too often. But he's never said it to his face. 'My lord,' 'young master,' and more recently, simply 'boy,' but never 'Ciel,' never even 'Earl Phantomhive.' He hopes it will be enough to impress his seriousness and sincerity on him. ]

Please — Ciel.

[The use of his name does stop the earl dead in his tracks. Sebastian's never called him by name before, it would be inappropriate for a butler to address his master as such after all. But here Sebastian is not his butler.

Slowly he turns to look over his shoulder.]

Very well then. I imagine if I try to leave anyway, you'll just follow me.

[He doesn't imagine that, but he has an appearance to keep up.]

[ He's trying not to be his butler for the moment, at any rate. The entire point of this conversation is to put them on equal ground, so they can both stop scrambling for a foothold. ]

Would you like to talk here, then?

[ Sebastian might have followed him, but only as a last resort. He didn't want to have to chase him down. ]

[He jerks his head toward the doors of the Center.] There's a bench outside.

[And with that he turns to walk out.]

[ Sebastian follows him out, settling onto the other end of the bench beside Ciel. It's only vaguely chilly out, compared to recent lows, and between his coat and scarf, he's unbothered.

For just a moment, he's quiet. Not long enough for Ciel to prompt him, and not long enough to reconsider what he's about to do. ]

It would be an understatement to say that things have been difficult since our arrival here. Without your notoriety and your fortune, we're... out of our element. [ He glances sideways at Ciel. ] The both of us.

[He rests his elbow on the arm of the bench, and his chin in his hand, looking out across the way and not at Sebastian. Though he comments on his statement.]

To say the least.

[ He studies Ciel's face in profile for a few moments before continuing. ]

I've been... neutered, by this place. [ He sighs and averts his own eyes. It's not an easy admission. ] It's taken more than my abilities; my speed and strength and dominion over fire — these things are the least of what's been taken from me. My senses have been crippled, my constitution weakened. Every ache and pain is so acute as to be unbearable, and on top of the contract being gone... I can't even feel you anymore.

[The first part comes as no surprise to the boy. He's been well aware for a while now that Sebastian has been without his demonic powers. Rendered human, so to speak. It was actually somewhat a source of entertainment. He enjoyed when Sebastian screwed up, or couldn't quite handle a situation here, perhaps because it made Ciel feel more superior. He was fully aware that the only thing holding Sebastian down back in their world was the contract.

And that's the part that gets him. The fact that the contract having no effect here bothers Sebastian. That the fact that he can't feel Ciel bothers him. Shouldn't he be relieved?

He turns to look at him now with a frown. He's not sure how he's supposed to take this.]

[ He can't feel Ciel, but he can feel the boy's eyes on him. It makes him straighten slightly, lift his head. ]

I refused to retrieve you from Union Cave because I'd rather you think me insolent than impotent. [ The smile that creeps in is bitter. ] I was a prince once, in slavery; I am a master now of my own fate, in my freedom. Even under your hand, I am still a demon, and you've wielded me as a magnificent weapon. I could not stand the thought that you might realize I've been rendered all but — [ He stops short; struggles with the word for a moment. ] — helpless.

[His expression turns mildly irritated.]

It isn't something I like to think of either. While I suppose it's entertaining to see you bruised and battered for once, it does nothing to calm any unease I might feel. [He doesn't mention that lately that unease has been due to Sebastian himself.] If I were to become lost again, or someone were to threaten me...

[He doesn't finish the thought, because it does make him feel uneasy. It was simple enough to put it to the back of his mind to taunt Sebastian because he was angry at him, but the truth of the matter was that he relied on the demon far more than he'd like to admit.]

[ He twists slightly to look at Ciel fully, his brow knit. ]

I never wanted to end this contract. It has only been my own pride that has kept me from remaining as loyal as ever; it was never my desire to escape you. I left you at Union Cave because I was too proud to admit to being powerless; I remained in Violet City because I've exhausted myself with long hours and little rest.

[ His eyes drop down and askance again, but he doesn't turn away. ] I struck you because you frustrated me, and I was in no condition to control my own temper.

[All of this openess, this... confession was only serving to make Ciel frown and unsure. It was unusual, to say the very least, for Sebastian to speak so freely with him. Not as if they were master and servant, human or demon, but as if they might be somewhere near the same level. Ciel wasn't sure what to think of this. He was exhausted and so much had happened in the last couple of days.

It was also frustrating. He hated not being able to figure things out. So he asks the first question that comes to mind.]

Do I always irritate you as such?

[And he frowns more, because he fears it sounds childish]

[ It makes him laugh just a little, softly. ]

No. There are days when I'm in awe of you. That wasn't one of them.

[ He settles back on the bench with a sigh, tipping his head back to look up at the sky. ]

I have no trouble accepting my status as a butler, a servant, a mere piece of furniture — ordinarily. ... As... a human? [ He frowns reflectively; the idea of being human is altogether unappealing. ] ... With my footing as uncertain as it has been, being looked down upon was... more than I could take.

[Days Sebastian's in awe of him, hm? It shouldn't come as a surprise. If Ciel is one thing it's prideful, he knows he something to be in awe of at times. He was the Queen's guard dog by the time he was eleven.

But Sebastian was a demon, who had likely been around for hundreds of years, and seen a lot. He doesn't let the surprise show, but does allow a smirk to cross his face.]

I didn't take you for a demon of pride Sebastian.

[ Now the smile turns wry, and he rolls his eyes sideways toward the boy. ] It isn't my vice of choice. But it is my pride as a demon that allows me to content myself with being treated as a servant. The knowledge that, when this is all over, you will be mine, and should I find myself discontent with the life I lived as your slave, I will have the opportunity to repay you one hundred fold.

[He looks sideways at Sebastian as well.] The opportunity to repay me, hm? I suppose I will be going to hell.

[Though what Sebastian says seems somewhat strange to him. He'd always just assumed the demon would take his soul, and he would die.]

Perhaps. [ He says it contemplatively and doesn't elaborate. Instead, he turns on the bench to face Ciel. ]

For both our sakes, things have to be different here. [ He glances down at the bench between them and rests an arm along the back of it. ] If we can't acknowledge one another as equals, we're going to destroy each other before we ever return home.

[Equals... It's difficult to think of himself on equal ground as Sebastian. He's been his butler for nearly four years. He does have a point though. If something didn't change, things would only get worse. Something might break, that can't be fixed, and though he was loathe to admit it, Ciel still needed Sebastian. His revenge was still incomplete.]

I agree that it seems something must change, and that it's not likely you'll be able to change your pride.

[ Sebastian chuckles a bit at what sounds like a gentle jab, but is likely a solemn observation. ] I doubt either of us can manage that. [ He looks up to meet Ciel's gaze, smiling again. It's not quite the usual inscrutable smile he puts on, but somewhat inscrutable, nonetheless. ]

I have no intention of leaving you. And equals or no, I will continue to protect and serve you to the best of my ability. But as you've agreed, something must change. [ He pauses, deliberately. ]

Can you do it?

[It really shouldn't be so difficult, but it was. Ciel was a prideful boy after all. So why not think of it like that. Sebastian asked 'can you do it'. It was practically a challenge.]

of course I can! [He scowls at Sebastian.]

[ As expected. Sebastian laughs more openly this time, but it's brief. He then reaches forward to touch the back of his ungloved fingers against Ciel's bruised cheek with a rueful sigh, his smile still in place. ]

I knew you could. [ He studies the damage for a moment before his smile resolves itself into an apologetic one. ] ... I apologize, Ciel. This should never have happened.

[It's still odd to hear Sebastian speak his name so freely. He instantly wants to correct him, but refrains. He also flinches slightly at the touch, his face is still quite sore.]

No, it shouldn't have. ... ... Apology accepted. ... [He bites his tongue on the phrase, "make sure it doesn't happen again"]

[ He lowers his hand back to his lap for the time being. The next words out of his mouth are nearly 'the room has been cleaned up,' but he stops himself. There's no need to mention the condition the room was in. ]

... Will you come back to our room?

It's our room again is it? [It's more of a teasing note, than a sour one. He consideres saying no, but they will kick him out of the Pokémon Center, he can't keep troubling Miss Chrome, and he's already spending what little money he has left of Elizabeth]

I suppose that would be best.

[He glances down with one of his frowns and takes notice of Sebastian's hands then. They're ungloved, and he can see healing cuts all over his right hand.]

Chrome didn't do that too, did she? [He reaches out to lightly touch Sebastian's fingers to indicate what he meant.]

[ He's relieved at Ciel's reply, and it surprises him a bit. When he stops to consider it, though, he realizes he just wants to make things as close to normal as possible. This situation isn't any less strange to him than it is to Ciel; he, too, has thought himself superior to the boy, just as the boy thought himself superior to his butler. To have even some semblance of normalcy will be welcome.

At the question, he looks down at his hands, but doesn't move them from beneath Ciel's. ]

No, she... didn't. This happened after you left. [ He doesn't offer further explanation, as futile as he thinks that might be. ]

[He doesn't remove his hand at first either feeling the roughness of the cuts. Sebastian's hands had always been perfectly smooth, no matter what work he did.]

Did that feline of yours finally get fed up?

Hardly. [ He quirks a bit of a smile at the thought. Lucy had once bitten him hard enough to draw blood, and he'd knocked her right off the bed. She hasn't done it since.

Still, he offers no elaboration. ]

[He raises an eyebrow and give him an expectant look. He isn't dropping it.]

[ Sebastian finally glances up from their hands to see Ciel watching him. He sighs, resigned. ]

I broke a mirror. It's been replaced, and the room has been cleaned up. [ There's an unspoken 'There, are you happy?' at the end of it all. ]

[...]

I see... Well, if it's all cleaned up then there's no issue. I'll have to stop and grab my things from Miss Chrome's room at some point.

[A curious thought occurs to him. He'd thought it earlier, but it wasn't the time to ask.]

You mentioned once, being a prince? [A slight smirk plays on his lips as he thinks 'oh how the mighty have fallen' unknowingly to him, such an ironic statement]

[ He'd just been relaxing, since Ciel wasn't pressing the issue, when the question came; he's caught completely off-guard. He blinks once, his surprise evident, and then schools his face into thoughtfulness, since Ciel's smirking. ]

... Many, many millennia ago. [ He could deny it, certainly, but Ciel won't let it go. The boy is dogged, if absolutely nothing else. And after all, wasn't his policy in coming here complete honesty? ]

And what, praytell, were you a prince of?

[One of the thoughts he'd had repeatedly over the last couple days, was that he honestly knew very little about Sebastian. It never particularly mattered before. But now he found himself curious. What was life for a demon?]

Thrones. [ The answer comes with an odd, reflective sort of chuckle. ] The Fourth Prince of Thrones, the third Choir of the first Sphere.

[ He's looking across the way now, at the snow on the trees. That was a long, long time ago, and some days, he's nearly forgotten it. ]

One of the fallen... [He tries to recall from his reading exactly which one that is. It's been a while since he's read Father Michaelis' Admirable History. If he remembers correctly however the Fourth Prince of Thrones became... Sonneillon, who... tempted men to-- he chuckles.]

That would make you Sonneillon then, would it not? How appropriate

[ Sebastian chuckles, himself, drawn from his reverie by the unusual sound of Ciel's laugh. He refocuses on the boy. ]

Well-versed as always. Before you named me, my name was Sonneillon. [ He smiles slightly, his eyes sharp and studying Ciel's face. ] Our finding one another was no coincidence, I assure you. It isn't incidentally appropriate.

[He lets his shoulders drop feeling slightly more relaxed now.]

No, I imagine it wasn't. I probably could have figured it out on my own eventually, with the right clues.

It's not as if you're name is a coincidence either.

[ His expression morphs swiftly into amusement. He knows what Ciel means, but — ]

You named me for your dog in the hopes that I'd be loyal, devoted, protective and lick your face to wake you in the mornings?

[Ciel gives the butler a flat look.] I certainly hope that you never lick my face.

No... at that time Sebastian was the first name that came to mind. [The first name that wasn't his father's or his mother's. Michaelis had been an add on later. What better to name a demon after, then a famous demon researcher and exorcist.]

[ Sebastian laughs softly. ] It was more fitting than you could have imagined at the time.

[ He glances out at the street again, then looks back to Ciel with a smile. ] Shall we return to the inn, then, or do you have more questions for me?

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I alone am the one you don't know you need, you don't know you need me

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