route_1065 | you know it's dragging me down

Entry tags:

you know it's dragging me down

Who:

usedkunai
Where: Breeding Centre House
When: Evening, October 4th
Summary: Yosuke is an insecure failure, hijinks and woobieness ensue.
Rating: T for Teehee, Yosuke is dumb
Log:

[He's not particularly waiting for her to get back, but Yosuke's been sitting on the sofa all evening. It's the first evening he's taken off in a while, so while everyone else is taking care of their business, he's just thinking. Part about his situations -- things with Souji, as they always linger in his mind. But that's not it; something else is bothering him.]

[His talk with Athrun still lingers. Why didn't Rise tell him? Did she tell Souji yet? Or the others? Was he the last to know? Or maybe it was something else. After all, she felt comfortable enough to talk to him about the murders - the case. Something they really didn't often mention. Something he hadn't spoken a word to with anyone in Johto. Maybe she just trusted Athrun more; maybe things were changing right under his nose and he didn't know it. He's just not sure.]

[Maybe he just needs to wait. So he sits instead, contemplating whether or not he'll even mention it, or if he'll just offer a goofy smile and be on his way.]

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[It can't be helped - it's this train of thought that's kept him from even considering the pursuit of anything. Things were so out of control. Somewhere along the way, he found himself used to - even liking - Johto, so much so to the point of not wanting to leave at all. They were together, nearly all of them. Yukiko's not here, for some reason, it always works out that way and he's just as bothered that it keeps happening as he is that any of the others can disappear just as quickly without a trace.]

Yukiko... Naoto-kun... shit even I've come and gone without remembering. [There's a sharp, suffocating intake of air as he remembers the discovery of the Pikachu plush that he didn't remember buying for Souji. Why did he do that? What did it signify?]

[Was that what Rise meant? Is there some lingering, underlying feelings from his previous time here that he doesn't remember? Is this why he couldn't discern the feelings? He's not sure. There's so many questions, and suddenly this resentment of Rise leaving - this irrational feelings holds so much more weight.]

[He brings his forearm over his eyes, holding his breath long enough to try and regain his composure. Which isn't really working. He wipes his eyes, but Rise should still be able to see how wet they are. It takes him a few minutes of silence before he can choke out any more quiet words.]

It... it's bullshit, you know? Some - some bastard is screwing with us, with our friends and our memories and there's not a damn thing we can do about it. [Another pause.] I think you... might be right though. In some way.

[ Yosuke's always had the ability to state what Rise's tried to block out, because their thoughts surprisingly run along the same lines more often than not. With some major differences, of course, but what he's voicing now is what's been some kind of heavy weight on her shoulders for over a year now. And she wants to falter, to give up just then, to just sit there and cry, but she won't. Not when she told Souji she'd get stronger. And not when Yosuke's sitting there, looking like his world is crumbling all around him.

Support is her gig, and that instinct has always been the strongest with her team. So she reaches out now - not particularly caring if he squawks or grumbles or flails - arms encircling his neck, pulling his head down to her shoulder, and she just holds. ]

Nanako-chan remembers. And even if anyone forgets again, that's what I'm here for. We just... can't give in to something like that, Yosuke-senpai. We've been through too much to even think about it.

I know. [For the moment, it's all he says. Nothing makes sense anymore - really, it hasn't for a long time at this point. There's a strange line between "what the hell," and "normalcy" that has been completely twisted. He does his best, always trying to keep his head up, put a positive spin and crack jokes about their situation. But it only goes so far, especially when everything you thought you knew about yourself seems to be wrong.]

[He doesn't move when Rise pulls him down, drawing in a deep breath and just letting it be. It feels like something that needs to happen, and even though he's so unsure right now, he finds his arms wrapping around her small frame.]

You can't -- don't disappear while you're gone. Don't at all. Not unless we can all go together. [His words are quiet. Solemn. Genuine. It's not often he talks like this -- hell, only Souji and Merlin have really seen it before. Mostly Souji, of course.]

I won't.

[ it's all she can say at first, letting herself settle into this weird, almost desperate sort of embrace. It's so strange, seeing him like this, and being like this around him, but it's not necessarily a bad thing. They really have come a long way, even here. ]

I promise... I'll definitely come back, so... don't you go disappearing either, okay?

[His breaths are heavy, and he's holding back sniffles even still. He can help but take in the way she smells as he does so and it sends a surge through him that makes him want to pull her a bit closer.]

[He always liked her, yes - that crush was undeniable. But being here, like this - in this situation is a fierce reminder of how important she is to him and the idea of that slipping away is horrifying. To go back to just "Yosuke-senpai" -- where they were friends because of a common goal and mutual friends but not much else is something so crushing that he actually feels a pain surge through his chest - enough to cause his breaths to become shorter, more labored for a moment.]

[Finally, in-between these breaths and while failing horribly at holding back just a few tears (boy, talk about feeling lame--), he manages a few words. His voice is shaky, but the resolve - his tone - behind it is solid.]

I'm not going anywhere. Not without everyone else. We're not losing each other, and... we're not losing our memories. We can't.

[ It's strange, how attuned to her teammates she still is, even without Kanzeon's presence telling her every single thing-- or maybe because of her Persona's absence, it's made Rise strive to be more alert to subtle changes in her friends. And sitting there, listening to his breathing - heavy, suddenly strained and harsh and shallow - she can tell something's affected him. Not what, but she holds still and breathes out slowly, in deeply, as if he'll somehow be able to follow her example. She's worried about Yosuke, and it shows. ]

Then we won't.

[ she says it so simply, but her resolve's also present. She isn't going to let herself lose this-- any of it. And maybe her grip tightens on him then, just a little.

Don't break your promise. I don't want to be left behind again. ]

[There's something about it that seems to work, his breaths regulating, following the patterns Rise set. He's quiet, and it's not until her grip tightens that he really catches it; some sort of mutual understanding that can be grasped without words.]

[He can't help but let out a weak chuckle -- partially because he knows that this is the only way he'll ever be this close to her, and partially because:]

Sorry... you know, for unloading on you like this. Pretty lame of me, huh--

Maybe.

[ Rise doesn't mince words, though she's really not serious about it when she musters a smile a split second later. His breathing's matching hers, and that's comfort enough. ]

But I think everyone ends up being lame at some point or another, yeah? And I'm really happy you'd do that with me.

[He groans slightly at that, although he can tell she's doing it in an attempt to lighten the mood a bit.]

Well... I guess I just trust you with this stuff. [His stomach turns slightly, his heart rate rises a bit.] We... we've been through a lot together.

Yeah... even if you don't count the stuff back home, it's been a lot.

Yeah. I... don't think I would have been able to deal with Souji going missing, or... all this other stuff without you around, Rise.

[ there's a long pause, in which just a bit of color rises to her cheeks. It's the sincere stuff that always gets to her. ]

Aww, Yosuke-senpai, you know I wouldn't let you go it on your own.

[He offers the weakest of smiles - it's very genuine, just hard for him to express right now.]

Ye-yeah, I know. That stuff, though... it's always been the kind of crap I'd go to Souji with. So I guess it's just... new to me, still.

It's new to me, too! I never really talked about... all that stuff with anyone else before. I mean, not even with Senpai.

Hehe... I guess we've gotten a lot closer in Johto than we realized.

Who'd want to ever forget that?

Only a real idiot would.

No real idiots here!

[ how she's already back to smiling so brightly is a mystery. ]

[He has no idea, but he can't help but laugh a little.]

I have a feeling some people would probably argue that, hehe.

Let 'em argue. They just don't get it.

I wish I was as good at that stuff as you are.

... [ wryly ] You wouldn't want my experiences, trust me.

[He kind of nods.] It sure as hell gave you thick skin, though.

... [ silence this round, before she slowly musters a smile. She's never once thought that. ]

Really?

Yeah, totally.

I think... you're probably the strongest one out of all of us that way.

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