It took them long enough to get here...

[envy_the_sinners]

Who: Scar, Raikov, Lust, Greed
Where: Outside Saffron
When: Around Sept 16, may contain subthreads on different dates.
Summary: Meeting up! ...Semi-reluctantly. But totally not.
Rating: Starting PG to be safe?
Log:

Why had they crossed two entire regions, again? Right, because Lust wanted to "see Scar" about something, and he had had nothing better to do.

Raikov had, for some reason, stuck by him throughout the month he had spent traveling.

They were approaching Saffron City when they finally caught up with Lust and Greed, though Scar was beginning to show reluctance as they approached the campsite. This whole thing was stupid, not to mention pointless. What was he even doing here?

Comments

[envy_the_sinners]

"I am relaxed." It was the only thing Scar could possibly think to respond with. It was like she didn't even know him. He wasn't constantly looking over his shoulder, he was walking at a reasonably slow pace. Relaxed.

It was starting to dawn on Scar that he really didn't know the meaning of being relaxed anymore, but that was just the way it was. He couldn't undo more than a decade of tense alertness and mistrust. He was jittery around Lust. He just was.

[a_sin_for_him]

Lust's expression was warm but amused.

"Scar...I mean relaxed. By the same standards the majority of people use. Not just moderately less tense and paranoid." Though that was a good start. Were he another man, she'd take his hand or put hers on his forearm. But she knew Scar, touching him would have the exact opposite response she was trying to coax.

[envy_the_sinners]

"Yes, because I can just do that." He wasn't irritated at her, he was irritated at himself. He couldn't ever get past it. Not after what life had thrown at him for so long. Something awful was always coming.

How could he be happy with all of that looming over his head?

[a_sin_for_him]

"You can try." Lust took a seat on a nearby rock and gestured for Scar to make himself comfortable as well.

"I mean really try. It's not as though it's something that comes easily, but god knows you have enough determination and drive. Why not try channeling that into yourself?"

[envy_the_sinners]

"What do you think I have been doing for the past five months?" He continued to frown at Lust as she sat down. He remained standing out of instinct.

He was trying. Wasn't this foolishness proof enough? He was raising brightly colored animals in a world where their biggest concern was which Pokémon horde would swarm in next? Scar felt as if he had already tried everything. This was some place where he could be relatively okay, but that was just in theory. He still caught himself muttering, still jumped when a door slammed, still glared at any stranger who looked at him the wrong way.

[a_sin_for_him]

"I think that you've been trying in your way, and in whatever ways you think might work, but I can't imagine you've ever sat down with someone and learned how. Sit down, Scar." Lust gestured again.

"I've been given a great deal of advice on regulating and understanding my own emotions and reactions from a young human friend of mine, I think some of it could be helpful for you as well."

[envy_the_sinners]

Scar hovered for another moment before sitting stiffly on the side of the path. He almost didn't just on the principle that she had told him to.

"I am not looking for advice." Now, he felt awkward and annoyed. He had been doing fine, until she started talking about this. Miriam nudged at his lap, but he largely ignored her.

[a_sin_for_him]

"But why not take it, when it's offered?" There was genuine curiosity in Lust's voice. "It isn't as though it's going to hurt anything. At absolute worst, you spend a short time sitting in the woods."

[envy_the_sinners]

"Because it's not helping." He didn't mean to snap, but his instincts were kicking in like he was some cornered animal.

"It's souring what could have been a perfectly pleasant discussion. We have been dealing with one another fine. Getting better. But then you try to force things forward without just letting them run their course. If I had known that this was going to be all about my own issues, I wouldn't have come."

[a_sin_for_him]

Lust looked down at her hands, twisting them together in her lap. Her hair fell over her face and she left it there, biting her lower lip. She felt sick and strange. A trembling sort of weakness she didn't quite understand went through her and she swallowed hard."

"I'm sorry." Her voice was very quiet. "I...was trying to help. I'm not very good at helping."

[envy_the_sinners]

"Then stop trying." But Scar's sudden anger was quickly withering into regret, and he closed his eyes as he tried to collect himself. Tried to put together what to say in a way that wasn't so awful.

"You do help. More than anything," he murmured. He truly hated himself, when he was like this. When he let his emotions get so out of hand so easily. It was nearly impossible to even look at her, knowing that all of this was his fault.

"When we can just... talk. And be normal." Now he was watching her.

[a_sin_for_him]

"I'm sorry," she repeated. "It's just...that's what people do, for people they care about. I don't know how to express that, well. Caring for people."

And most people were lenient with her, because of that. She'd gotten a bit too reliant on that fact.

"It's easy to pretend I know exactly what I'm doing, but that's all it is. It's just pretending because I'm so damned confused and frightened so often. I didn't mean for this to be about you, I just...thought of something as we were walking, and... I want to be something that helps people and does good. I've done so many awful things..." She shook her head and took a deep breath. The words wouldn't seem to stop once they'd started.

"I'm sorry, this wasn't what I had in mind at all."

[envy_the_sinners]

"You don't owe me any apology." That irritation was creeping back into his tone, but it was more directed at himself.

"It's not pretending. What's pretending is when we can only talk to each other through carefully twisted words and solid walls." Somehow, Scar's eyes were still fixed on Lust. "You're a good person by nature. It's all of the other poison that's so damn hard to find and let out."

Maybe he was talking to himself a little, too.

[a_sin_for_him]

"No, I do. I shouldn't push you." No matter how cruel he'd been in telling her, his point was valid.

"And I mean in general, not just between us. I don't like talking like that, but sometimes it's like that's the only way we can possibly talk about our feelings." At least when it came to one another.

"I barely know how to be a functioning person, let alone a good one."

[envy_the_sinners]

At least she admitted to it. That lifted a weight of Scar's shoulders.

"It's only like that because we make it like that," he grumbled, now looking back down to Miriam, who had settled nervously on his legs.

"And you're doing much better than you were." He would argue that the other homunculi were awful people to be spending so much time with for someone who wanted to be better, but now wasn't the time for it.

[a_sin_for_him]

"Then how do we stop making it like that? Why can't we just be honest and plain with each other?" It wasn't exactly a question she expected an answer to, she knew she was as much to blame as he was.

"Thank you. I do try. And people help." And sometimes it worked.

[envy_the_sinners]

Scar glanced up to her briefly before he returned his attention to Miriam, who purred quietly as he stroked her back.

"I don't know." Now was the closest he had ever come, to simply being honest with her.

"I think about it. But never actually do anything."

[a_sin_for_him]

"Think about what, exactly?" Being honest, or trying to be a better person? Both made equal sense in context.

[envy_the_sinners]

"Just trying to be more honest with you." There was a tightness in Scar's chest, but it wasn't entirely unpleasant. Actually, he couldn't place it at all.

This was very difficult to give voice to.

[a_sin_for_him]

"It couldn't do any harm. I'd like you to be more honest with me." She finally brushed back her hair, tucking it behind her ears. She stood to take the lunch basket from her Furfrou.

"We're set down, we may as well eat."

Guttle rolled over onto his back excitedly at the prospect of food.

[envy_the_sinners]

Scar didn't feel as if he could possibly eat right now, but she had gone through the trouble and he wasn't about to brush that off. He cast a fond look in Guttle's direction.

"I never know how to put things in a way that doesn't sound wrong."

[a_sin_for_him]

"Well, I'm aware of that, at least. I know not to take it the wrong way." Lust began unpacking, laying out a picnic cloth and pulling out sandwiches and cold salads and a dish of fruit.

Guttle rolled a little closer, tongue lolling out as the food was lifted out of the basket.

"Just...say whatever's in your mind, I suppose."

[envy_the_sinners]

Scar shook his head, back to watching the Pokémon rather than her.

"I can't even figure out what's on my mind, most of the time."

[a_sin_for_him]

Lust let out a small laugh.

"I know what you mean. I've started keeping a journal, so I can write it all out. It's half jumbled nonsense, but...it helps me, sometimes."

Finally she began taking out plates and napkins and things.

[envy_the_sinners]

Scar reached over for Guttle to roll him like a ball toward him and Miriam in hopes of keeping his excitement about the food curbed long enough for Lust to take everything out.

"Writing it down makes all of it too real." He had actually tried that before, back home. Getting it out somehow. But like voicing his thoughts, putting them on paper was too hard.