You have no chance to survive

[these_balls]

Who: Rocket Grunts, Magma Grunts, and Aqua Grunts! Basically all the Grunts!
Where: The Whirl Islands and Cinnabar Island
When: February 1st
Summary: Pretty much this
Rating: PG-13? It doesn't need to higher than that? Right, guys?
Log:

The orders are pretty simple. Go in. Wipe out the Team Aqua and Magma Grunts. That's it. So there's not going to be any farewell speeches or anything like that from the Admins because they're of the opinion that you guys have totally got this.

And if you don't...

Well, don't worry about that for now.

Instead, just worry about getting to the nearest base and boarding a helicopter. After that, you've got a short (or long, depending on which base you're heading to) ride ahead of you to some islands in the middle of the ocean, inhabited by a bunch of Aqua and Magma Grunts who have no idea this surprise is on the way. So just do what you do best, Rockets!

And as far as the Admins are concerned what you do best should be to win at all costs. Anything less and well, that would just be an embarrassing return to the region for them. And nobody wants that.


QUICK LINKS
EVENT INFO | QUESTIONS | PLOTTING POST

☆ HELICOPTER RIDE THREAD ☆ TEAM AQUA BASE THREAD ☆ TEAM MAGMA BASE THREAD ☆ AFTERMATH THREAD

Comments

[ortion]

If anything, that only makes Dist's smirk widen a bit. This is exactly what he was waiting for, and it's his only shot so he better hope that it actually works. He thrusts an arm forward dramatically.

"Try surviving this! Kaiser Dist X-M2, Hyper Beam!"

With a mighty roar, the floating Metagross opens its mouth wide. A glowing yellow light builds up inside its gaping maw until an enormous beam rockets out, splitting through the rushing lava and right toward the Camerupt.

...The Grunt might want to jump out of the way while she's at it, because that beam is large enough to engulf the entire hallway.

[whos_that]

You better believe she's ducking out of the way into a nearby door. Sucks about Camerupt though. It takes the full hit of the blast getting knocked back and smashing through the wall at the end of the hall. Apparently Kato's not the only one wrecking the base's walls today.

“Are you crazy?”

Serious question here as she ducks her head back into the hall. And since Metagross should need to recharge...she'll cautiously throw a level 83 Golbat out there too.

“Confuse Ray!”

Let's just try and keep it from doing that ever again.

[ortion]

Chuckling darkly (okay it's more like a cackle...that Hyper Beam just turned out really nice okay), Dist just shakes his head.

"No, but I would say that you are rather crazy for deciding to remain in this battle."

He's totally crazy.

He simply shrugs off Kaiser Dist getting hit dead on by the Confuse Ray, because he didn't intend to keep it in battle any longer than he needed to. That Camerupt was a threat to at least half of his team, so he's happy to at least be rid of it. Hopefully he won't have to have a reason to bring Kaiser Dist X-M2 back out.

Recalling the confused Metagross, he substitutes it for his...level 100 Golurk. Thankfully these ceilings are pretty high because the giant golem would barely fit otherwise. It's able to stand comfortably, though its head is barely below the ceiling.

"Kaiser Dist G, knock that pathetic bat out of the air with a Thunder Punch!" Dist yells from behind the massive Pokemon. Yes, he sure did name at least two of his Pokemon a variation of "Kaiser Dist".

Electricity crackles and swarms through the golem's hands. It slowly holds back its arm, then throws a massive punch full of electricity at the Golbat.

[whos_that]

Maybe she should've opted for Mean Look instead. Thunder Punch hits, Golbat doesn't get paralyzed, and isn't knocked out, but...another one of those and it probably will be.

“Golbat! Hang in there and use Air Cutter! Shut this clown up!”

Two can play at this super effective move game or at least that's what she's thinking. Golbat doesn't really look like it wants to deal with Golurk, so it swoops back and decides to send the air currents at Golurk from what it thinks is a safe distance. Maybe that'll make things less awful.

[ortion]

"Hah, good luck doing anything with that."

While Air Cutter does normal damage, those currents seem to bounce off of the Golurk. It barely moves an inch. Though that probably has more to do with its height and weight than anything.

"Fighting from a distance won't do you much good either, I'm afraid. Kaiser Dist G may be large, but he can move rather quickly." He glances at the Golurk with a knowing smirk. "Why don't you show them? Use Phantom Force."

The giant ghost golem nods, and vanishes into thin air in an instant. Where did it go? Better try to find it before something bad happens, Golbat.

[whos_that]

“What? That was...”

Apparently that was not the type advantage she thought it would be. What. Maybe Team Magma should send some of its Grunts back to the Trainer School in Rustboro. But more importantly than typing failure is the Mystery of the Disappearing Golurk. WHERE DID IT GO?

“Golbat! Find that thing!”

She's worried. She's definitely worried. And Golbat's not really sure how it's supposed to do that, so it's just sort of flapping around, looking for Golurk.

[ortion]

Dist is just going to take the time to let out another evil laugh. It really is great to watch the Grunt and her Pokemon squirm, their efforts completely in vain.

With another dramatic hand gesture, Dist calls out his next order.

"Try as you may, you'll never find him in time! Now!"

Just as quickly as the Golurk disappeared, it reappears right behind the Golbat in a murky and shadowy veil, launching a shadow-covered punch in its direction.

[whos_that]

And that punch is enough to knock Golbat out! Well, this isn't looking too good. But she's still going to try because, one Team Magma shouldn't have to retreat in their own base, and two, she's got at least one more Pokemon that she thinks might be able to help out here. It probably won't, but hey, it's worth a try.

“Go, Mightyena!”

It's level 77, but still, this probably won't end well.

“Snarl!”

It sure is snarling, and that sure is an attack that's going to somehow try and cause damage. Maybe it's just too loud?

[ortion]

There's really no way to dodge that Snarl since it's ringing through the entire hallway. Even Dist covers his ears! The attack is super effective to Kaiser Dist G, being part Ghost type, so it actually does stagger. Apparently even sentient golems have ears to hear with too.

Dist notices this, and immediately orders another attack. While still covering his ears.

"Rrrgh, shut that mutt up with Hammer Arm!"

The good thing about Golurk, at least one of many to Dist, is that it can deal with its weaknesses. Hammer Arm is a great example. Once it's regained its footing, one of its arms begins to glow white. It swings with a mighty force, attempting to slam the entire arm down on the poor Mightyena.

[whos_that]

Oh that is...uh...wow.

It's a really good thing Pokemon don't seem to work like people because otherwise Mightyena would probably need a doctor. Or maybe a priest.

Ow.

“It's okay Mightyena!”

It's really not, but...it's a Pokemon battle, that's how these things work.

“Get ready to use your secret weapon!”

And by that, she means Sucker Punch that Golurk in the face the next time it tries something like that.

[ortion]

"A secret weapon, eh? We'll see how useful it is against my Kaiser Dist!"

In other words, Dist is pretty much certain whatever a little Grunt has for a secret weapon is sure to be pathetic. He's not worried at all.

"Why don't we just get this over with? Hammer Arm once more!"

The Golurk goes in for another swing at the Mightyena, albeit a little slower than before due to the move's secondary effect on the user.

[whos_that]

Normally she'd be like, oh no, not that again...but, this went exactly as planned.

“Not so fast! Mightyena, use Sucker Punch!”

This may be the Team Magma base, but as Mightyena rushes forward, she's pretty sure Dist fell for it, hook, line, and sinker.

[ortion]

Before the Golurk can land its hit, it's struck dead-on by the Mightyena's powerful Sucker Punch. Completely caught off guard by this, it stumbles backwards and tumbles to the ground, causing small tremors to ripple through the hallway.

Dist gasps quite audibly and dramatically at this bad turn of events.

"Wh-what?!"

Well, maybe he should've been worried about that secret weapon after all. Especially since it looks like that Sucker Punch took out his Golurk completely.

"No!" He wails. "How could do that to my precious Kaiser Dist?!"

Unfortunately, yelling about it isn't going to revive his Golurk, so he's forced to recall it for a new Pokemon.

"Ooh, you've really done it now. I'm bringing out my secret weapon! Go, Rosamund!"

Next up from Dist's roster is a level 100 Roserade, who springs elegantly from her Pokeball, scattering rose petals as she lands. She's wearing a peculiar-looking collar around her neck, adorned with a rose clip. Perhaps this is the secret weapon? Or maybe it's just a very chic accessory. One of those.

"Begin with Grasswhistle!"

Rosamund gives a brief bow before producing a single blade of grass and playing a very calming and sleep-inducing melody in the Mightyena's direction. Dist intends to make this Grunt pay for what she's done, and he's going to start by putting that Mightyena to sleep.

[whos_that]

...unfortunately, Grass Whistle doesn't succeed on this turn!

“Looks like whatever your secret weapon was didn't go as planned! Sucks to be you. Mightyena, Snarl!”

And here comes another ear splitting growl from her Pokemon. Here's hoping his secret plan involved some ear plugs!

[ortion]

...Well, that certainly wasn't supposed to happen like that.

Both Dist and Rosamund cover their ears in an attempt to block out some of that horrible noise, but poor Rosamund is the one who has to sustain damage from it.

"J-Just be quiet, you! You've earned yourself plan B, and it's far messier and more painful. Rosamund, Toxic!"

Having finally recovered from the terrible Snarl attack, Rosamund aims one of her arms directly at the Mightyena. She then makes a swinging motion with that same arm, this time a stream of purple toxins streams out of her hand bouquets and flies toward its target.

[whos_that]

Okay, that's pretty gross actually. Here's this cool flower Pokemon and all of sudden it's just spraying this foul purple gunk everywhere. Seriously, that's awful. But effective since Mightyena's poisoned!

The Grunt doesn't seem too worried. Sure Mightyena's not in the best shape, but she already shut down Plan A, so...

“Plan B, huh? I think I'll foil that one today too! Mightyena! Take Down!”

There is now a poisoned Pokemon charging headfirst towards Roserade. It's probably covered in all that purple stuff too. Ew.

[ortion]

"Foil it? I believe all you're doing is helping it along!"

In other words, he was prepared for this and he already has a counterattack planned.

"Venom Drench! Quickly, before it reaches you!"

Rosamund launches another glob of poisonous liquid at the incoming Mightyena, intending to worsen its poisoning and weaken it considerably more.

[whos_that]

Recoil, poison, and now Venom Drench. This isn't looking too good for her. She better do something quick.

“Mightyena! Use Roar!”

It's probably only going to be able to withstand a couple more hits at the most, but she doesn't want to see whatever Roserade is up to next.

[ortion]

It's really a good thing that Rosamund doesn't also have Venoshock. But thankfully it wouldn't matter if she did anyway since the Roar promptly sends her back to her Pokeball, much to Dist's annoyance.

"Trying to outrun the inevitable, are you? No matter, the damage has already been done. You're battling on borrowed time now!"

The random Pokemon that comes out next is...another flower, apparently. It's a level 70 Floette, and she looks rather confused as to why she's suddenly out here. When she sees the intimidating and...badly poisoned Mightyena before her, she recoils a bit and holds her flower umbrella in front of her for protection.

"It's quite all right, Gardenia. That Mightyena isn't much of a threat now. Go ahead and use Petal Blizzard!"

The slightly frightened Floette looks back at her trainer with a shaky nod. She extends her arms to make a swing with the umbrella, whipping up a storm of petals out of thin air. They shoot at the Mightyena like tiny daggers.

[whos_that]

Mightyena fainted! And in return out comes...a level 29 Mightyena!

“That thing's totally scared of you, so hit it with Scary Face!”

Apparently her new strategy is trying to scare Floette to death. Of course, Pokemon doesn't work that way, but hey, at least she's making an attempt. Of some sort.

[ortion]

Well, it scares her half to death at least, because by the time the attack is done, she's cowering behind her umbrella, shacking like a leaf.

Her trainer is not pleased at all by this. But he's not mad at Gardenia about it, he's mad at this pathetic Grunt over there being a total bully. How rude.

"I'll have no more of this antagonizing behavior! I went lightly on you by ordering that Petal Blizzard, but I am not going to be so generous this time. Gardenia, Moonblast!"

...

After moments pass and no Moonblast happens, he glances at his poor little Floette. She's basically frozen with fear.

Dist has to grit his teeth to prevent himself from going completely ballistic at the Grunt.

"Look at what you've done! I hope you're proud of yourself for your cowardly tactics!"

[whos_that]

...how did that even?

She was assuming it would just do what Scary Face always does but...

Okay, apparently his Floette is a giant chicken and she's just going to go with that instead of looking a gift horse in the mouth.

“Complain all you want, I'm not the one whose Pokemon is a scaredy-cat!”

She probably could've said something like Skitty or Meowth or any of those but it just sounded clunky. Petrified Persian maybe?

“Now let's give that flower something to really be scared of! Bite!”

[ortion]

Practically helpless at this point, Gardenia is easy prey for the Mightyena's Bite attack. Not being able to stand seeing his poor Floette suffer like this, Dist actually considers just recalling her for the time being. He casts that idea aside quickly though, because that would mean he's letting the Grunt win by taking advantage of his Pokemon's fear. He definitely can't have that.

"Gardenia, come to your senses. You're much stronger than this pathetic dog. It may look imposing, but I promise you it will crumple under your Moonblast. Now go!"

It's weird for him, giving pep talks like this. He's really not the type of person to give them, but honestly, he would do anything for his Pokemon at this rate.

Gardenia still looks a bit terrified as she recovers from the Bite, but she's listening closely to Dist's words. Yes...her trainer is always right about these things, so she doesn't have a whole lot of trouble trusting in his words. If she can just get this dog away, everything will be a lot better.

So with another wave of her umbrella, a ball of bright pink light forms in front of her. She makes a sweeping motion like with the Petal Blizzard, and the energy ball goes hurling at the Mightyena. Success!

[whos_that]

Congratulations Gardenia! Facing your fears gave you the power to...KO a way weaker Pokemon with Moonblast, so good job!

But that puts this Grunt in a terrible position because all she has left is...a level 1 Numel. So what exactly does she do here?

“I don't know how your stupid Pokemon managed to recover, but if you think you're getting away with this, you're wrong!”

And she's going to prove this Rocket weirdo wrong by using an escape rope to get away! Except it doesn't seem to be working. Maybe because this is a trainer battle? Anyway, it looks like there's no choice but to bring out Numel, so that's where the battle's out now.

“Use...”

What does a level 1 Numel even have?

“Tackle! Just get this over with already!”