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usedrage.livejournal.com) wrote in
route_10652011-01-07 10:00 pm
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And when he held his wounded friend in his arms and death was all around
Who:
usedrage
miniworth &
wingless_falcon
Where: The Pokemon Center --> Southeast of Goldenrod City
When: Sunday evening.
Summary: Ken wakes up from his canon-update coma. SHIT GOES DOWN.
Rating: R for Mature Concepts and triggers. TRIGGERS. LIKE MURDER AND DEATH AND SUICIDE. STAY OUT IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE IT.
Log:
Ken was stirring. Only barely, but he was stirring.
His dreams were uncomfortable and dark, and of the place he had once called home. Everything felt cold on his skin, as he felt himself dropping off in the alley behind Port Island Station. The temperatures were mild, even warm, but Ken felt as if he were surrounded in ice, freezing to death with the regret and knowledge of what he had caused--even with the ability to change things. He tried so hard to stop his fingers from shaking in the deserted alley that had been bloodstained only the night before.
Suppressants.
Shinjiro had been taking suppressants. He was going to die anyway. That did not make Ken feel much better--if anything it made him feel worse. If it weren't for him, if it weren't for his mother, for his revenge, Shinjiro would not have had to die.
Conflicted feelings on Shinjiro's actions or not, Ken was certain he no longer desired Shinjiro's death. Not while the man had stood before him and thanklessly taken the shot that would have killed Ken. Not while he had seen Shinjiro's guilt tear at him so badly he felt he needed to die to fix things--at his own hands when Ken could not commit the deed.
Ken's hand twitched in the Pokemon Center as if he were trying to grab something.
He stared at the evoker in his hands. How silly SEES had been not to take it away from him. How silly they had been to give it to him in the first place. Giving an eleven year old boy power beyond most people's wildest dreams? The power to kill in one shot, the power to heal someone on the verge of death... Could that really be trusted with Ken?
He knew if they found him, the would not let him keep it.
There is no reason for him to feel regret. That is the nature of revenge.
Ken wasn't sure, now, that Nemesis would even come to his call. The goddess of Divine Retribution--would she have abandoned him when he showed mercy, when he didn't think that a life for a life was necessary? The thought scared him. Ken was alone, left behind, and maybe powerless.
He lifted the evoker to his forehead. He had to see, he had to know--would she come for him? His breath shaking, his finger rested on the trigger. Three... two... on--
The evoker clattered to the ground beside him. He couldn't do it--not... not now.
The minutes ticked away, his eyes becoming heavy, tears clinging stubbornly to his lashes, though he swore to himself that he was not crying. Darkness began to close in around the edges of his eyes. He was so very tired... but he was so sure that this was not a good place to fall asleep, his former home or not.
He thought, for only moments before darkness closed in, of the tiny home that had stood here, two years ago, and the woman who had inhabited it with him--
Do not fear, this life is but a stepping stone...
Ken's eyes flickered open. It was very bright for the back alley, he thought. Or perhaps this wasn't the back alley, and he had died there. And now he was in whatever came next.
... No, he wasn't. He couldn't be. He finally tore his eyes away from the ceiling and looked to his side.
Miles-san... The expression he regarded his friend with was something between shock and horror.
Johto... he was back in Johto.
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Where: The Pokemon Center --> Southeast of Goldenrod City
When: Sunday evening.
Summary: Ken wakes up from his canon-update coma. SHIT GOES DOWN.
Rating: R for Mature Concepts and triggers. TRIGGERS. LIKE MURDER AND DEATH AND SUICIDE. STAY OUT IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE IT.
Log:
Ken was stirring. Only barely, but he was stirring.
His dreams were uncomfortable and dark, and of the place he had once called home. Everything felt cold on his skin, as he felt himself dropping off in the alley behind Port Island Station. The temperatures were mild, even warm, but Ken felt as if he were surrounded in ice, freezing to death with the regret and knowledge of what he had caused--even with the ability to change things. He tried so hard to stop his fingers from shaking in the deserted alley that had been bloodstained only the night before.
Suppressants.
Shinjiro had been taking suppressants. He was going to die anyway. That did not make Ken feel much better--if anything it made him feel worse. If it weren't for him, if it weren't for his mother, for his revenge, Shinjiro would not have had to die.
Conflicted feelings on Shinjiro's actions or not, Ken was certain he no longer desired Shinjiro's death. Not while the man had stood before him and thanklessly taken the shot that would have killed Ken. Not while he had seen Shinjiro's guilt tear at him so badly he felt he needed to die to fix things--at his own hands when Ken could not commit the deed.
Ken's hand twitched in the Pokemon Center as if he were trying to grab something.
He stared at the evoker in his hands. How silly SEES had been not to take it away from him. How silly they had been to give it to him in the first place. Giving an eleven year old boy power beyond most people's wildest dreams? The power to kill in one shot, the power to heal someone on the verge of death... Could that really be trusted with Ken?
He knew if they found him, the would not let him keep it.
There is no reason for him to feel regret. That is the nature of revenge.
Ken wasn't sure, now, that Nemesis would even come to his call. The goddess of Divine Retribution--would she have abandoned him when he showed mercy, when he didn't think that a life for a life was necessary? The thought scared him. Ken was alone, left behind, and maybe powerless.
He lifted the evoker to his forehead. He had to see, he had to know--would she come for him? His breath shaking, his finger rested on the trigger. Three... two... on--
The evoker clattered to the ground beside him. He couldn't do it--not... not now.
The minutes ticked away, his eyes becoming heavy, tears clinging stubbornly to his lashes, though he swore to himself that he was not crying. Darkness began to close in around the edges of his eyes. He was so very tired... but he was so sure that this was not a good place to fall asleep, his former home or not.
He thought, for only moments before darkness closed in, of the tiny home that had stood here, two years ago, and the woman who had inhabited it with him--
Do not fear, this life is but a stepping stone...
Ken's eyes flickered open. It was very bright for the back alley, he thought. Or perhaps this wasn't the back alley, and he had died there. And now he was in whatever came next.
... No, he wasn't. He couldn't be. He finally tore his eyes away from the ceiling and looked to his side.
Miles-san... The expression he regarded his friend with was something between shock and horror.
Johto... he was back in Johto.
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"I'll go get Nurse Joy."
And with a last look at Ken, he stepped out of the room. Leaving his best friend there wasn't making him feel good at all... but he wanted to trust Ken.
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He almost collapsed when he tried to put weight on them--his muscles weren't used to supporting him after a week of sleep. But he grabbed onto the edge of the bed, Pip cradled carefully in one arm. He knew he didn't have a lot of time before Miles came back... he would have to grit his teeth and force his way forward. When he finally felt strong enough on his feet to walk a few steps, he examined the window....
And found it easy enough to open.
Pulling a chair from beside the bed, as silently as he could, he set Pip down on the bed.
"I-I need you to take care of Miles-san for me, okay? And my Pokemon, too. Don't let them go to bad homes..." He patted Pip's head once, climbed onto the chair, and slipped through the window.
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Remus had left with Miles, and the puppy was the only one left in the room. He gets to his feet, a short bark at Ken the only sound he makes as he stares intently up at Ken - "what are you doing," he seemed to ask.
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Miles hadn't even tried to find Nurse Joy - the tight feeling of fear in his chest tightened with every step he took away from the room, and before he'd even reached the end of the hall, he had turned back, hurrying back to where he hoped, hoped so dearly, that Ken would be there.
But the room was empty, his best friend replaced by one open window, Pip whining up at him in a small voice.
"Ken.."
Miles' memories flashed back momentarily to the day, back home, when he woke up after his father's death. Running out of the hospital room, climbing up the stairs to the roof.. If Alessia Wright hadn't been there--
I have to find him.
Remus jumped off his trainer's shoulder as Miles climbed out of the window himself, his hand flying into his pocket and clicking the lock to the Pokéball, the large Arcanine appearing immediately and - picking up Ken's scent, understanding Miles' intentions - trotting after the trail.
I have to stop him.
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No reason to feel regret. That is the nature of revenge.
Ken was surprised he'd stopped himself from getting sick that night. But bile rose in his throat as he ran, knowing that if he wasn't fast enough someone would find him, someone would stop him.
Is it not permissible to kill those who are themselves killers?
Later, Ken would laugh at his stupidity, realizing how exactly like Shinjiro he was acting. All he could think now, though, was that he needed to set things right. That he would never be able to stand the blood that was splattered on his hands, through the actions of another.
Why could he not have died?! Why?! What part did he have to play that whatever higher being out there wanted him alive?! And why should he be a pawn in their games anymore?!
He did not realize just how far he had run until he caught his shoes filling with sand...
And realized he was outside of Goldenrod.
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Miles' head pounded with pain as his ran, his body feeling sluggish even as he knew that he was running as fast as he could. Eventually, though, Pess bounded back to him and threw him on her back before she resumed pursuing Ken's scent. Catching his breath and clinging to her mane, Miles swallowed the lump of fear that threatened to escape his lips, the burn in the back of his throat as vile rose from his stomach.
His fever and fear-induced delusion was still giving him flashes of that day, in the hospital, as he had stood on the outside of the rooftop's fence. Phoenix's mother had stopped him, then, because she was the only one who was there for him.
He'd felt so alone, before she came. How alone was Ken, now?
"...Stupid Ken." Miles understood, so painfully, what his best friend must be feeling now. Ken had told him about what his future might hold... maybe. Maybe this had something to do with it. It made him feel even more sick, thinking about it.
He crushed his eyes shut, fighting off the headache, and when he opened them again, Pess had brought them to the edge of the beach.
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The water had been the obvious choice.
The first step had been unbearably cold, the second just as bad. But now, waist deep, his legs burned with cold, and he could barely feel it. Waves had crashed into him, soaking him from head to toe, and he was surprised that he had no already been taken out to sea. His chest heaved with strained breaths.
His eyes were locked on the vast nothing before him, and he trembled from head to toe.
I'm going to die here.
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He took another, hesitant step forward before he looked up at Ken, a distance away. Alone.
What had that one book once said? A river, between this life and the other. Miles almost kicked himself for the terrible timing of these thoughts. Gritting his teeth against the cold, the fear, and anger, he pressed forward, towards Ken. Slowly, slowly..
One step. Would he be able to save him, he wondered.
A second step. Every other attempt he'd made to help someone had failed.
A third. Why would this be.. any different?
A fourth, and he reached out for Ken.
A fifth, his hand, numb from the cold, the bandages soaked and threatening to unravel, closed around Ken's wrist.
I don't want to see another person get hurt.
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"Y-y-you're not--" His teeth chattered in the cold. "You're nn-ot supposed to b-be h-h-h-h-here!"
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"Neither are you," he said, thickly. He set his jaw and clenched his free hand to keep his voice from shaking. He felt so cold, and his head was going to split any second now, he was sure of it. But he had to take Ken back, first..
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Don't take this away from me--I'm so close.... so close...
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He was shaking already, but his body redoubled its efforts to show it, bringing him to shivers more like convulsions. His eyes, wet with saltwater and already wet from the painful, freezing conditions of the sea, welled up again with burning tears.
You can't do this to me...
His gasps for air became different, air catching in his throat and feeling like it was trying to suffocate him. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to force back the tears.
His legs finally gave out beneath him and he collapsed into the water with a loud, pained sob. The water was up to his shoulders, but he barely cared, unable to taste the saltwater on his tongue as it rolled past him.
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But Miles made no move to force Ken to his feet. He couldn't, because he knew how Ken must be feeling. He knelt down to his friend's level, grimacing at the icy water that hit him when he did, and placed his hands on Ken's shoulders.
"Let's go back to the shore."
Come back with me.
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He'd made his decision, hadn't he? He'd made his decision the moment he opened that window, in the Iwatodai SEES dorm. He'd brought the death of a companion--it only made sense that he gave his life in return.
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He could only venture a guess as to what was eating away at his best friend. But how could it be possible? Ken had never left that room..
"....What day was it, Ken?"
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"It's... October fifth... but it's... I-It's January..." His sense was dwindling in exhaustion, and fast.
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"...Come on, Ken, you've got to get out of here."
He shifted, moving his arms around his friend and pulling Ken to his feet. Miles' legs felt so numb, he was amazed by his own ability to move at all. He pulled Ken closer and took a step forward. If Ken was not willing to walk on his own, he knew, Pess would come to his aid.
"I won't let you die here."
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"Nothing... Nothing changed."
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He had no words to give that would make Ken feel better now. He never would have, and he just held onto Ken tighter. He wondered which one of them felt more afraid at the moment - Ken, who failed, or him, who still didn't know what would happen.
Another step, and he looked up to see that Pess, Miles' jacket on her back for safekeeping, was making her way toward them.
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It was tempting, and he had never wanted anything more.
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When she caught up to the two trainers in the water, the first thing Pess did was to nudge Ken with her large muzzle, licking his face. With Pess in tow, Miles dragged Ken the last few feet to the beach, lowering Ken to seating and himself collapsing to his knees, breathing laboredly, once they were well away from the icy waves.
"He died protecting you, didn't he?"
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So, he nodded and hoped it would suffice.
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"...You can't die now, Ken."
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