route_1065 | Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock

[[Sticking around or not, that wasn't going to stop her from seeking her out. Thankfully she had her own Pokemon to assist her, and through them talking with other Pokemon at the party, she learned Kanaya had left the party entirely. And so out she went.

It took her a little bit to find the girl after that, though, no help from nearby Pokemon to assist her. But when she did finally spot her - sobbing on a bench in the snow - she suddenly is very aware that she doesn't...really know what to say.

She'd figure it out as she went, and she cautiously approached the bench, sitting down quietly beside the former troll once she reached it.]]

Kanaya?

[Kanaya freezes when she hears that voice, then sits up slowly, rubbing at her eyes with the back of her arm. Great. She shouldn't have been surprised, Rose wasn't the sort to leave a situation alone most of the time. She wasn't quite as meddlesome as Kanaya herself, but...]

[But what was she supposed to say?] Ah. [She trails off, frowning, and looks down at her hands for a moment, then back at Rose...then she just sighs and slumps down into the bench more.]

Sorry.

There's nothing to apologize for. [[She's not being meddlesome, she's being concerned.]] If anyone should apologize, it's probably me. [[Hey can she just awkwardly rub at her neck a little.]]

Would...you be willing to talk to me about this? I understand if you'd rather not, but.

I-[Normally, yes, she'd want to talk things over with Rose. It was easy to talk things over with Rose, most of the time. But this? She frowns at the snow, her mind racing, and then shrugs.]

I suppose it's better to do so now than later. Not that I have any idea what to say.

That's okay. Can you...at least explain what's wrong? I have an idea, but depending on the time discrepancies between you and I, I may or may not have the full picture. Or, if you'd rather I explain something instead, I would be more than willing to.

[She draws in a breath.] I don't know who else I would explain it to, no one else is even far enough along to understand, I think. Though I suppose this lets me avoid trying to ask you where you are on the timeline back home, which I was trying to figure out how to do. Or maybe it doesn't, maybe nothing back home matters, it could just be that here matters. I mean, we're all human here, time seems to stop, people are from sweeps ago it feels like, and-

[She catches herself. She knows she's rambling, it's a lot easier to do in person than in text, really.]

You might as well have a seat.

[[Rose listens, rambling or not, and sits as suggested.]]

Really, both can matter. Though what happens from here on out will likely take precedence.

Mm. [Well, that would make sense. Sort of. Kanaya is quiet for a few moments, staring at the snow. She wraps her arms around her stomach because she probably should've thought to put her coat before going out, but the sweater is helping some.]

[Now how to...]

Just before I was brought here, we were on a date. You kissed me.

[Then fell down the stairs, but perhaps leave that part out.]

...oh. [[Well. That. Explains a lot now doesn't it? And then here Kanaya was walking in on her and John...]]

I can...certainly better understand why you're so upset now.

Mm. [Kanaya just makes a vaguely unhappy sound.]

Yes. And no one thought to mention...well. And I was attempting to determine some way of finding out where you were, timewise, to see if I should and then...

[She just waves her hand vaguely in the air like 'and there it was.']

I...honestly hadn't thought to. Likely an error on my part, but I assume no one really enjoys hearing someone prattle on about their relationships the minute that they arrive here. I do apologize that that was how you had to find out.

And...no. I'm not that far along myself.

If it will help any further avoidance of...uncomfortable situations. The easiest way to learn where someone is at timewise is to simply ask them first, and then explain what you feel comfortable doing so from your end afterward. [[The least she can do is try and help with that.]]

It is not your fault. [Though she was blaming Rose at the moment, she knew, but she couldn't seem to bring herself not to, not yet.]

I...as far as I have determined, no one is as far along as I, except perhaps Aradia. I...suppose I should have taken that into consideration, honestly.

[She's falls silent again, frowning faintly, nibbling at her bottom lip in frustration.]

I did not expect this.

What reason would you have to expect this?

I...none. There wasn't any reason to expect this. But...except that you've been here for years, someone said. That's...

Things change.

Two. Not that long, but...admittedly not that short a time either. And yes, things do change, though this also wasn't a recent development out shining whatever has transpired at home. I spent...a year and a half here without ever getting to know you any better than what our initial pesterlogs were like. Before the game. The few times you did appear here, we never really talked. You were busy with Scratch and killing Eridan, and I with being Karkat's coleader and moirail.

You weren't here for long though either, so even if we had spoken more...

Scratch? [Kanaya blinks slowly. She hadn't even thought about him in years, really. The revelation that what he had done for her had just been in accordance with his own goals had been depressing, but it had severed any real connection she might have had to him.] I...

[Beat.]

You were Karkat's Moirail?

Yes, he was here for a while. You and he were very close. And yes. I was. Again, for a while.

Yes, we've always...[Lord, that was another emotional issue she didn't need to trip and fall in at the moment.] I'm glad he had someone here for that. He...needs it more than he is generally willing to admit.

[And they are getting rather off topic, aren't they.]

Anyway, I think...this will just take some adjustement, I need to...[Well, if she was being completely honest, she needed to cry some more, but she wasn't going to do that in front of Rose if she could avoid it.] I don't know. Sort it out.

Yes, he certainly does. And that's fine. I just...I just wanted to make sure that if you wanted to talk, you knew that we could. Because we can.

[Kanaya smiles, but it's slightly bitter.]

Rose, please do not be offended by this, but if our circumstances were reversed, what would you wish to speak to me about?

No offense taken. But to be honest, I would want to at least explain my situation if circumstances were reversed. If nothing else.

[She's quiet for a moment, looking...almost frustrated, really.]

Well. Now you know. For all the good that does. I almost think I would rather you did not.

But if I did not, this would be an awkward tango where one party was upset, and the other would know they are upset and feel like shit because she has no idea why her friend is upset, but is pretty sure it's because of her. Maybe it was something she did. Perhaps she said something to offend her, or fucked something up.

[[Rose plays with her skirt for a moment, looking at her lap.]]

I'm not happy that it's nothing I can...really fix for you. But I wouldn't want to sit here thinking I may have irreparably ruined our friendship or something because I may have said or done something horribly wrong. Just...you know. Personally speaking. Not that this is exactly that kind of a situation but...I don't know. And wow, look who's rambling now. [[A quiet chuckle.]]

I-[Damn it, why was Rose always so good at summing things up like that? Kanaya didn't really know what to say for a moment, just frowning at the snow. The cold was starting to seep in through her sweater, and she shifted a bit in her seat.]

We will still be friends. Of course. Not that...not that any of this is your fault, or John's [Not that she can stop hating him right now, whoops.] It is just...

Well.

I hope you don't mind if I am not exactly intending to spend a lot of time around you for a little while.

[A weak sort of smile, as it's about the best sort of half-joke she can manage at the moment.]

[[She...actually kind of does mind that. She gets why Kanaya wouldn't want to, but no matter what the former troll says it sort of makes her feel like she's in the wrong here.

Which she just isn't.

So it hurts a little.]]

That's...that's fine.

[[Rose straightens up a little, evening her expression out as best as she can.]]

I understand. I'm sure I would have a difficult time dealing with you being happy if the situation were reversed, circumstances taken into consideration. I wouldn't want to force you into such an uncomfortable situation.

[[Ah, falling back on old passive aggressive defenses. Perfect tactic when you're just not sure how you feel about something.]]

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wontturntostone - 2012-12-31 04:16 (UTC) - Expand