so a gangster and a nurse walk down route 30 and...

[impheired]

Who: Fuyuhiko Kuzuryuu (impheired) and Mikan Tsumiki (puppetnurse)
Where: Route 30
When: 1/20 (possibly through the 25th, we just don't know)
Summary: Perhaps one of the most random pair-offs of the Super Dangan Ronpas are still on the road and why did anybody leave these two together. Why didn't somebody insist upon picking them up instead of letting them walk all the way to Goldenrod. Various travel shenanigans ensue, all of them are terrible.
Rating: PG-13 for Kuzuryuu's mouth and probably a few accidental fanservice shots from Tsumiki
Log:

[Thankfully, the rain that had accompanied their arrival into Cherrygrove on Friday had let up quickly. They left on Saturday morning under heavy cloud cover and more than once, Kuzuryuu found himself wondering whether or not more rain would come. Maybe they should have stayed an extra day just to be sure...but his drive to catch up to Hinata wouldn't allow for him to admit to or indulge those minor second guesses.]

[Luckily, it ended up being a non-issue. By Monday, most of the clouds were gone and the sun was shining and basically it was a pretty nice day to be traveling. At least weatherwise. Everything else-wise...]

[Well, Kuzuryuu still wasn't sure why he'd agreed to travel with Tsumiki. Other than the fact that it seemed unconscionable to leave someone like her on her own. But even so, of all the people...he's pretty sure he would have taken literally anybody else as his-- no, that's a lie.]

[Tsumiki WAS at least slightly better than Komaeda. But only slightly.]

[But on the other hand, at least Komaeda wouldn't start crying and apologizing every time somebody challenged him to a battle. This was the third time today alone and though Kuzuryuu didn't mind stepping in and taking the fight instead, it was starting to get annoying how many of these dumbass trainers thought that meant he was her boyfriend or something.]

[Kuzuryuu was really getting tired of having to clear that one up.]

[So once he was finished shouting at poor Bug Catcher NPC #3 and the two unlikely companions were were walking again, Kuzuryuu finally decided to do something about it. This had been going on for way too long now, it was a wonder he hadn't snapped before now.]

Tch, how long are you going to keep crying about challenges before you finally step up and take one? You're not always going to have me around to take them for you! And on top of that, you're wasting the potential of your Pokémon. You've got a real fighter there, despite how ridiculous it looks.

[Hey, it hit him that one time. He's just assuming that means it's a fighter.]

You haven't even caught anything else yet. We've been in this world almost a week already! It's like you're not even trying to do this right!

[His words are harsh as always, but at least he's not outright yelling. He does at least seem to have picked up on the fact that shouting just leads to crying and that really accomplishes nothing.]

[#progress]

Comments

[puppetnurse]

[You really wanna go, Kopeko? Because she will take you on. Up until Kuzuryuu spoke up, the Audino held her ground, offering her just as cold of a gaze, clearly challenging her.

Come on. Bring it on, Pawniard. She's not scared of you.

But thankfully the boy managed to put somewhat of a stop to that. The pink Pokemon watches him carefully, relaxing a little bit as he speaks to Tsumiki normally. While they deal with whatever they're dealing with, she gives the other Pokemon a look.

Don't watch her. Watch your trainer.]

I-I'm sorry...

[She quieted pretty quickly when he said her name, rather than yelled it, and when she's told to stand up she does. Still trying to pull her skirt down a little or pin it to her legs but she's up and simply sniffling now.

She doesn't really say anything about his last comment, preferring to give that some careful thought first apparently.]

...th-that...

[...Tsumiki shakes her head a little, deciding not to say anything for fear of making him angry again. Instead she's going to look down and take notice that hey. There are a few Rattatas just hanging out around her feet now...]

...wild Pokemon...

[impheired]

[She has two eyes! She can watch both you and her idiot loudmouth trainer who yells way too much. Don't you worry about that.]

[Kuzuryuu quirks a brow, waiting for her to finish her thought as she fiddles with her skirt. But then she just shakes her head and what the actual fuck, Tsumiki. What were you going to say there? Okay fine let's just talk about the rats instead.]

What about them?

[puppetnurse]

...th-they weren't coming out before. [She has having a hell of a time finding any Pokemon to battle before, remember?]

[impheired]

Well now they are. Are you going to battle them or just let them sniff your toes? Or are you finally going to try and catch something.

[Because again: one Pokémon, Tsumiki. You have one Pokémon.]

[puppetnurse]

Catch something? [Looking from the Rattatas to Kuzuryuu back to the Rattatas...]

...I-I'll just...battle them for now. Come here Amitriptyline...

[The Audino gives Kopeko one last look before toddling over to her trainer, ready to take on all of these wild Pokemon if Tsumiki wants her too!!!

Not that she does. She's going to have her battle just one for now...]

[impheired]

Yes, catch something. You need a team, or do you honestly think you can make it through everything with just one Pokémon? What happens if she gets knocked out? Yeah, you can heal her back up with medicine or berries or whatever but if it's against a trainer, that means you lost.

[TSUMIKI YOU ARE STILL MISSING THE POINT HERE.]

[puppetnurse]

...b-but...i-is it so bad if I lose? [SHE'S NOT MISSING THE POINT SHE'S JUST LOOKING AT IT FROM A DIFFERENT ANGLE.]

A-ah, Pound Amitriptyline! S-sorry, I got distracted from your battle...

[impheired]

Didn't Nanami explain to you how this place works? Winning battles is how you prove yourself here, yes it's a bad thing if you lose all the time!

[puppetnurse]

[Okay, really? Ami has this battle covered. So she turns to look at Kuzuryuu.]

...a-actually...Nanami-san said...I didn't have to battle if I didn't want to.

[Wringing her hands a little, she looks down.]

Sh-she said I could do whatever I wanted...a-and that...there are only trainers and breeders but I could learn about Pokemon nursing if I wanted to anyway...

[She pulls out her Trainer card now.]

A-and besides, my card says I'm a breeder...I-I don't know exactly what that means I should be doing but...t-trainers are the ones who...n-need to prove themselves, right?

1/3

[impheired]

[...]

[It suddenly dawns on Kuzuryuu that he never actually stopped and asked if Tsumiki was a trainer or not. He knew breeders were a thing, yeah, but he and Nanami hadn't talked much about it because they were both trainers. It wasn't relevant to the conversation so he'd sort of put it out of his mind.]

[In retrospect, this should have been fucking obvious. OF COURSE someone like Tsumiki wasn't going to be a trainer. This place wasn't THAT cruel was it?]

2/3

[impheired]

[That moment of being caught off-guard doesn't last very long though. Perhaps predictably, this admission just sets him off despite the fact that he's the one who jumped to conclusions here.]

Why didn't you say so sooner!?

[And we're back to yelling. Excellent.]

3/3

[impheired]

[Except not, because Tsumiki doesn't even have to start crying for Kuzuryuu to catch himself and calm back down. Anger and yelling is just his default reaction, maybe you've noticed by now Tsumiki. But he is getting better it's just...hard.]

[Especially when you're stuck with someone so frustrating!!!]

I mean-- shit. That was my own damn fault for assuming, okay, so don't even think about turning the waterworks back on. [Seriously. Don't.] But look, being a breeder didn't stop any of the shitheads we've run into from challenging you did it? Maybe if you show them your card they'll leave you alone but if they don't you're still stuck in the same damn position we talked about before.

Trainer or not, you gotta be prepared for shit like that.

[puppetnurse]

[It's good he caught himself, because she most certainly was getting ready to apologize and shed a few tears. She's sorry she didn't tell you sooner, she didn't know it was important!

But okay, he's not yelling, and she's listening and she whimpers a little.]

...d-do...you think one of the p-purple mice would be a good Pokemon to have?

[Maybe he's right. Even if she's a breeder, if battles happen and all she has is Ami, what would she do? She doesn't want to put that kind of pressure on her Audino...being the only one there to fight...not that she thinks she couldn't handle it. Amitriptyline is easily proving that she can handle just about anything she wants...]

[impheired]

[See, he told you. Your Audino is a fucking badass. Just look at her go.]

That's your decision. I'm not going to plan your team out for you, I'm not the one who has to use them. If you want one of the rats, catch one. If you don't, don't.

[puppetnurse]

[After a moment's pause, she nods a little and turns back to the ba--...okay, the KO'd Rattata and the Audino who is beating down the third.]

G-good job, Amitriptyline! Don't...don't knock th-this one out, okay? We're going to t-try and catch it.

[The Audino nods, giving the Rattata one more Pound and then doing her best to make sure it doesn't escape. Sorry, but her trainer wants you. You're going to have to stay put, little mouse.]

O-oh...I need one of those balls, right?

[Guess what also hadn't been explained to her. Though she watched Kuzuryuu catch his Shinx so she's got kind of the gist of it...though even after she pulls one out, she looks over at Kuzuryuu.]

So I just throw it...?

[impheired]

Yeah. Just weaken it, throw it, and wait a few seconds for the click. That's all there is to it.

[puppetnurse]

[With a nod, she throws the ball. It drags the Rattata in with a flash of light, lands on the ground and wiggles. And, eventually, clicks.]

...that's really it? That's all?

[Tentatively she moves to pick the Pokeball up, examining it.]

[impheired]

That's it, yeah. That's your rat now.

[Congrats, Tsumiki. Pokémon get.]

[puppetnurse]

[Her rat. She's so excited about this, really, and will express this with some happy shouting.

Please excuse her, Kuzuryuu, Amitriptyline. She's weird and just needs to get her weirdness out.]

[impheired]

[...You are so fucking weird, Tsumiki.]

[He's just going to let you finish your...whatever this is.]

[puppetnurse]

[She is. And she's sorry.

But okay, once that's out of her system, she's going to go ahead and call her Rattata back out, kneeling down to heal her now.]

I need a name for her now too, don't I?

[She's not really asking Kuzuryuu this, more just...talking out loud. But she does look over at him as she thinks about the name...]

[impheired]

[Of course she's sorry, when is she ever not sorry.]

Yeah I...guess.

[What are you looking at him for???]

[puppetnurse]

[Because she needs name inspiration.]

Hmm...I think I will name him Verapamil. Thank you, Kuzuryuu-san.

[impheired]

[He waves a hand dismissively. Yeah, yeah whatever. You're welcome he guesses.]

You give them the weirdest fucking names. [Like seriously what language is that even? English? Sounds stupid enough to be English.]

You ready to go now or do you want to poke around in the grass a little more?

[puppetnurse]

A-are they really that weird? [MAYBE SHE SHOULD DECIDE ON DIFFERENT NAMES FOR THEM....

She glances at the Pokemon in question, but neither seem bothered. Or they just don't understand what the problem is here.]

A-ah! Yes! I'm ready! Wh-whenever you're ready, Kuzuryuu-san!