Who: ANYONE AND EVERYONE Where: ANYWHERE AND EVERYWHERE When: May 29 - 31 Summary: GET IN HERE AND MINGLE Rating: BUT PLEASE MARK YOUR THREAD CONTENT ACCORDINGLY Log:
[And somehow he doubts that, given that good Samaritans don't exist unless they're particularly stupid, and this one has made a point of demonstrating that he isn't; everyone wants something, after all.
That aside, though.]
Well, if you really wouldn't mind - you're a far better conversationalist, anyway.
Am I to assume you've been here for a while, then?
[So some have been here for years...making what he thinks of that a matter of trying to work out whether this particular shitshow is preferable to the one back home, then, and from what he can tell it is.]
My, that is unfortunate - though I can't say I'd mind the time off, personally, I can see where staying that long might be more than a bit excessive.
Most people mind it when they've got business to take care of back home. Nothing like having a big stack of paperwork on your desk and getting stuck waiting years to get back to it, right?
[Absently, he puts one hand down to the level of his Pyroar, who obediently nudges into it; from the reflexive nature of the motion, it's less a question of feeling affectionate toward his companion and more just hitting his personal threshold of idling without anything to do with his hands.]
No need to worry about statute of limitations, though. You go back to the moment you left, so they say.
Ah, yes and no. Let's say that certain types of cases destroy your faith in humanity a little; the last one I was involved in was one of them.
[Kristoph, no.]
Though that last bit is good to know; statute of limitations notwithstanding, last I checked it wasn't exactly smiled upon to disappear for years in the middle of a case.
[Lest they, you know, show up again after those few years and have someone promptly put a slight damper on their day by murdering them, because that tends to happen in Japanifornia. A lot.]
Ah...I can't give details about the case itself to uninvolved parties, surely you understand. But my brother is the prosecutor in the family, not me - I'm not suited for it.
Ah, but that's what I'm doing - it isn't just the prosecution entrusted with that particular task, after all.
[He's got no idea what you think he'd be doing if not that, unless...hm.]
Our court system is heavily skewed against the defendant - they're assumed guilty until proven innocent, rather than the other way around. I would think that ensuring the actual guilty party is found out and punished for what they've done counts as "putting bad guys behind bars," wouldn't you?
[...Well, there's...less murder, anyway? Surely that has to count for something.]
That we do, actually - it's not a terribly popular decision, but several facets of the legal system more or less completely collapsed in on themselves several years ago and since then we've been trying to rebuild. Or so I've heard, all of that was obviously before my time, though we've had massive setbacks since then that are making people speculate that we're in a second legal dark age.
Essentially, all defendants are guilty until proven innocent beyond a shadow of a doubt, all trials are to be resolved in three days or default to a guilty verdict, bench trial only - no jury.
[...HE SAYS, AS THOUGH ALL OF THIS IS A PERFECTLY RATIONAL SOLUTION TO THE FUCKING LEGAL SYSTEM COMPLETELY COLLAPSING, TWICE.]
Most of the cases I've handled dealt with capital offenses. I don't personally agree with it, but the system is both very fond of and very prompt with the administration of the death penalty.
[...GLAD TO HAVE PROVIDED YOUR JOY FOR THE DAY, SCHULDIG...]
Come now - we're not uncivilized.
[...okay thankfully that statement was so utterly self-aware that it's probably contemplating the meaning of life, because that'd just be sad otherwise.]
All of that aside, some of us have become very proficient at working within the legal boundaries we've been given. It's an interesting challenge, most of the time.
[Just...the sort that involves human lives and probably somebody dead at the end of it, you know how it goes.]
[Because it's occurred to him that he may not be the only one from his...particular version of things who's arrived here; there's hardly any sense in giving out anything resembling his actual name until he can ascertain whether that's the case or not.]
[And his first thought is "not with hair like that, you don't," but it's possible it's a private bodyguard...thing, he supposes.]
Hopefully you enjoy your job as much as I do mine, then - because to answer your question, even if some may find the stress and the risk to be unpleasant, I find that's what makes it worthwhile in the end.
Occasional damage to one's faith in humanity notwithstanding.
[It's always the hair, isn't it. No one appreciates a little style, a little flash.]
I find my job's a lot easier when I keep things simple. Some people are cut out for making world-changing decisions; I just make sure they make it to the right time and place to get to make 'em.
[You know, depending on who's doing the grabbing, that's not necessarily a bad thing.
Which is precisely the kind of thinking that gets him thrown facefirst into floors by his ponytail, but you know.]
I worked for the prime minister of Japan once. It was an election year and he was favored to win, so you can imagine there were at least a few people who weren't all that happy about that.
[...The prime minister of Japan, being bodyguarded by a twentysomething with godawful hair who is also, from the sound of the name alone, the World's Most German Man.
Kristoph is fairly certain that he's being fucked with, but then, he is also kind of magically here in the dumbest situation known to man and he's got a tremendous cobra for no reason, so he's not entirely sure where the line is even supposed to be drawn with regards to suspension of disbelief.
...So sure he's being fucked with, though.]
I'd imagine keeping things as uneventful as possible on your end would have been considered a success, then - how did that work out for you?
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That aside, though.]
Well, if you really wouldn't mind - you're a far better conversationalist, anyway.
Am I to assume you've been here for a while, then?
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More than a year. I'm one of the unlucky ones, really, who's here on the year-round plan. Some people have a stay that's a lot shorter.
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My, that is unfortunate - though I can't say I'd mind the time off, personally, I can see where staying that long might be more than a bit excessive.
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[Absently, he puts one hand down to the level of his Pyroar, who obediently nudges into it; from the reflexive nature of the motion, it's less a question of feeling affectionate toward his companion and more just hitting his personal threshold of idling without anything to do with his hands.]
No need to worry about statute of limitations, though. You go back to the moment you left, so they say.
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[Kristoph, no.]
Though that last bit is good to know; statute of limitations notwithstanding, last I checked it wasn't exactly smiled upon to disappear for years in the middle of a case.
[Lest they, you know, show up again after those few years and have someone promptly put a slight damper on their day by murdering them, because that tends to happen in Japanifornia. A lot.]
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[Since that sometimes makes a difference in terms of the faith in humanity bit.]
Assuming you don't mind talking about it, I mean.
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[Enough so that he looks patently amused by it, for some reason.]
Color me surprised, though; you're not one for putting bad guys behind bars?
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[He's got no idea what you think he'd be doing if not that, unless...hm.]
Our court system is heavily skewed against the defendant - they're assumed guilty until proven innocent, rather than the other way around. I would think that ensuring the actual guilty party is found out and punished for what they've done counts as "putting bad guys behind bars," wouldn't you?
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[HOLY SHIT THIS GUY IS CONFIRMED TO BE FROM BIZARRO WORLD.
ALSO HE'S BLONDE.
...THIS COULD POTENTIALLY BE BIZARRO-WORLD CRAWFORD WHO WENT INTO A LEGITIMATE PROFESSION INSTEAD OF, YOU KNOW, MURDER
but let's not leap to conclusions]
Are you kidding? You guys can really get away with that — guilty until proven innocent, no shit?
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That we do, actually - it's not a terribly popular decision, but several facets of the legal system more or less completely collapsed in on themselves several years ago and since then we've been trying to rebuild. Or so I've heard, all of that was obviously before my time, though we've had massive setbacks since then that are making people speculate that we're in a second legal dark age.
Essentially, all defendants are guilty until proven innocent beyond a shadow of a doubt, all trials are to be resolved in three days or default to a guilty verdict, bench trial only - no jury.
[...HE SAYS, AS THOUGH ALL OF THIS IS A PERFECTLY RATIONAL SOLUTION TO THE FUCKING LEGAL SYSTEM COMPLETELY COLLAPSING, TWICE.]
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oh my god he's like equal parts aghast and like really fucking into this right now.]
Do you settle appeals by, like, road race through the desert or something? Bladed combat? Healing from a burn in three days or less?
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[god like it ain't even a thing]
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[THIS IS THE BEST THING HE'S HEARD ALL DAY
CAN WE MOVE HERE]
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Come now - we're not uncivilized.
[...okay thankfully that statement was so utterly self-aware that it's probably contemplating the meaning of life, because that'd just be sad otherwise.]
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[...]
I mean, there's a process, and you sure are doing it.
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[Just...the sort that involves human lives and probably somebody dead at the end of it, you know how it goes.]
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Do you enjoy your work, Mister...?
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[Because it's occurred to him that he may not be the only one from his...particular version of things who's arrived here; there's hardly any sense in giving out anything resembling his actual name until he can ascertain whether that's the case or not.]
And you would be...?
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[As inwardly he thinks you fucking liar and ...good man and oh, I LIKE you, all in fairly rapid succession.]
I'm Dietrich Jaeger, I do security work. The pleasure's all mine.
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[And his first thought is "not with hair like that, you don't," but it's possible it's a private bodyguard...thing, he supposes.]
Hopefully you enjoy your job as much as I do mine, then - because to answer your question, even if some may find the stress and the risk to be unpleasant, I find that's what makes it worthwhile in the end.
Occasional damage to one's faith in humanity notwithstanding.
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I find my job's a lot easier when I keep things simple. Some people are cut out for making world-changing decisions; I just make sure they make it to the right time and place to get to make 'em.
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Exactly how world-changing are we talking, if you don't mind?
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Which is precisely the kind of thinking that gets him thrown facefirst into floors by his ponytail, but you know.]
I worked for the prime minister of Japan once. It was an election year and he was favored to win, so you can imagine there were at least a few people who weren't all that happy about that.
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[...The prime minister of Japan, being bodyguarded by a twentysomething with godawful hair who is also, from the sound of the name alone, the World's Most German Man.
Kristoph is fairly certain that he's being fucked with, but then, he is also kind of magically here in the dumbest situation known to man and he's got a tremendous cobra for no reason, so he's not entirely sure where the line is even supposed to be drawn with regards to suspension of disbelief.
...So sure he's being fucked with, though.]
I'd imagine keeping things as uneventful as possible on your end would have been considered a success, then - how did that work out for you?
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