Who: ANYONE AND EVERYONE Where: ANYWHERE AND EVERYWHERE When: May 29 - 31 Summary: GET IN HERE AND MINGLE Rating: BUT PLEASE MARK YOUR THREAD CONTENT ACCORDINGLY Log:
[Excuse you, kid, you're still way too close to his owner, and if you don't back up soon you're liable to accidentally get a claw stuck in your leg.
Pachirisu, on the other hand, perks up when he realizes he's being reached for and saves Micchy the trouble of closing their distance by leaping into his arms with a happy noise.]
[He's had worse. But he nods, giving the Pachirisu a fond scratching from the head to the tail before letting him down. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a Pokeball, expanding it and then releasing Aki the Pachirisu.]
[Upon seeing another Pachirisu, she trills happily, and then looks up at Kouta. Friend! New friend!]
She's been with me for a while. She's pretty powerful.
[Pachirisu was about to complain about being set down (because he was really enjoying those scratches), but perks up and mirrors the trill, running circles around Aki before ducking behind Kouta and clinging to his leg, peeking out at her.
Kouta puts his hands out to his sides to keep from falling over at Pachirisu's excited running, then smiles and waves at the one Micchy released.
Yeah, he's... definitely going to avoid mentioning the Inves similarities.]
... ah. Micchy... ... I probably shouldn't, but... ... can I ask you something? About what happens?
[Despite seeming to fight with himself over being shy or not, Pachirisu jets back out, runs circles around Aki again, then gently butts his head against her side. He crouches down, tail flicking as he stares up at her and tries to make sure she's okay with playing.
... oh. Maybe Kouta shouldn't ask after all, but he's already this far. He knows he shouldn't ask about what happens to his team, he's not sure he could handle knowing any of them die, but...]
[Of course! She makes a mock swipe at him, and chitters gently to let him know she's just playing and doesn't mean to hurt him. She reaches over and taps his tail, before zipping around in a circle. Catch her if you can!]
... He's still around. But... I don't know that I trust the kind of world he wants to build. Hes so obsessed with strength...
[Completely oblivious to his trainer's mood at the moment, Pachirisu trills before he starts chasing her, winding around both of their trainers and even around Glameow. ... Glameow, however, takes the opportunity to stick out a paw and knock Pachirisu over, but the smaller Pokemon just rolls over and then keeps going. He knows his friend only pretends to be mean and doesn't actually want to hurt him, so it doesn't bother him.
Kouta makes a thoughtful noise, crossing his arms in front of his chest.]
I always wanted to hope I could trust him. He... ... I don't think he's a bad person, but along the way I guess he just got misguided.
[Kouta ruffles his hair, huffing out a breath.]
... makes me want to go back and see what I can do.
[He nods at Kouta's assessment. He's not sure about Kaito, but... well. He doesn't want to say that he thinks Kaito is a violent and unstable person. He doesn't exactly have room to talk on that front.]
... Whatever you can do... just make sure he doesn't win. And that Ryouma doesn't win, either. His sort of world would be... a nightmare.
[Kouta knows he doesn't really belong in this world. It's a feeling that keeps pulling at him and he's worried that he won't remember anything Micchy is telling him right now. ... but he has to try.]
[He shakes his head a bit. There's so much more he could tell Kouta, but most of it would be incoherent and he's not sure if pushing too hard at him would have made things better or worse in the end.]
[Yuko puts her head on Micchy's shoulder, and he pats the Rapidash a little fondly.]
That's the important bits... just keep Mai safe, okay?
[He lets Yuko nudge him slightly, and he smiles a bit.]
We'll protect her together, right? Because we're a team.
[Except... his voice sounds a lot more unsure right now. No worries, however, as Pachirisu scales Kouta's back again and perches on his shoulder, tail flicking as he chitters and bumps his head against his trainer's. ... and Glameow might be sitting a little closer to Kouta's leg, but only to protect him. Obviously. Because he's stupid and has no sense of self-preservation.]
[Aki skitters up Micchy's pants and shirt to sit on his shoulder, grooming his hair. He ignores her for the moment. This needs to get through to Kouta.]
[... it's really adorable to see Micchy being treated that way by something but, yes, he really does need to be paying attention to their conversation right now. His heart is sinking at hearing those words and after a short period of contemplation, he nods a few times.]
... all right. I promise. If I can help it, I won't let anything happen to any of you.
[Which prompts him to step forward again, putting a hand on Micchy's shoulder and giving him a firm look.]
Whatever you did to me... Just know that no matter what, you're still my friend. I still care about you. And I'll always forgive you. I know you're not a bad person, Micchy.
[He wavers for a moment. He's a bad person for what he did, and he knows it. His brother's disappointment pushed that through to him once more - even if his brother isn't the shining example of right that he thought he was when he was younger, he's right to be disappointed.]
[He shakes his head very slightly, trying to fight back tears. Yuko puts her head on his other shoulder, but he pulls away from her and from Kouta to wipe at his face. No. He can't cry. Not here, not now. But it's hard to get his words out when his throat is closing and emotions threaten to overwhelm him. He has to stay strong. He has to be a pillar - a rock. Unmoved and heavy with his own sins, not flexible and swayed by the simple faith Kouta's showing him.]
[He can't. this is his burden, his mistake. His own thing to carry on no matter what.]
It's not the sort of thing that's forgivable, Kouta-san... you'll see. I've... done a lot that's a mistake. I don't deserve your forgiveness, or the forgiveness of anyone else.
[Very gently, Kouta reaches up to gather Pachirisu from his shoulder, setting him onto the ground and nudging him away to continue playing. With that done, he stalks after Micchy, grabbing for his wrist to hold the other in place and keep him from running away.]
You apologized to me, didn't you? You said you were sorry for everything that happened. You're sorry for hurting me, that things turned out this way. You're trying to help me stop it. You wouldn't say you were sorry unless you meant it.
[He pulls hard on Micchy's arm, a mix of sorrow and anger on his face. It makes his heart ache to see his friend like this, but he hates it, at the same time.]
I forgive you! Even if you don't want it. So, please, Micchy... I would never let anyone hurt you, even yourself, so stop thinking you're such a bad person. You became a Rider to help protect us, right?
[Aah, great. He's starting to get emotional, taking a deep breath and fighting down the urge to cry.]
You don't have to carry something like this... I forgive you. So... please. Forgive yourself, even if you don't think you deserve it.
[He stiffens, his whole body tensing up, as he looks away from Kouta. He can't stare his former friend in the face, not after what he's done.]
Kouta-san... I can't. I just... can't. I'm the one who caused so much of this to happen. I pushed and I pushed and I... I did terrible things. I don't want to hurt people anymore. I try not to here. But that doesn't erase what I did! No matter how much I apologize, no matter how much you forgive me, no matter how much anyone forgives me... I still did it!
[Aki scurries down off of her trainer and over to the other Pachirisu, chattering in concern.]
Kouta-san... I don't want to hurt people. I try to watch myself, to be careful not to make that mistake again, but it means I can't get close to people here. I can't get close to people anywhere, because if something happens and I hurt them... it'd just be repeating history over and over. I can't let them get hurt.
I don't deserve forgiveness because I can't be sure that I wouldn't hurt people again. Until I can be sure that if a situation like the one at home happened here that I wouldn't do the same thing, I can't forgive myself and I can't expect anyone to even start to offer forgiveness. I can't fix things at home, and I can't be sure that I'm safe to be around here. I just... can't. It was my responsibility to save as many people as I could, and I couldn't...
[He shakes in Kouta's grasp, all of his poise and confidence falling away. He almost seems to shrink from the way his posture shifts, and it's all he can do to keep himself upright.]
I couldn't save the person I cared about most. I couldn't save my friends or family from myself. If I can't save anyone, if I can't use my power to protect the people who actually matter, what good am I?
[Oh, wow. That was... a heck of an outburst, but at least Micchy's not holding it all inside anymore. It's good to know he's at least broken through to hear his friend's true feelings and even if he can't help him any more than that, at least getting it out has to be doing some good, right?
Kouta moves forward again to turn Micchy around, tugging the other into a tight hug. He knows Micchy will want to push him away, probably doesn't want to be touched at all right now, but Kouta's pretty sure he needs it when he's feeling so weak. It's okay. He'll share what strength he can.]
Even if there are bad people in the world, you should take a chance to trust people. You trusted me, you trusted Mai, you trusted the team and we had really good times together, didn't we? The way you used to smile around us... That wasn't a lie, was it?
So... you should try to trust others. You should trust yourself. You're already being careful, you know what you did, but that doesn't mean you have to be alone and punish yourself for it. It's part of being human that we hurt each other, but it's also part of being human that we can come back from it.
[He pulls back a little, hands grasping Micchy's shoulders as he gives him another intense stare.]
You know what I did. I killed Yuuya. I killed my best friend. ... do you think I should live the rest of my life, punishing myself, cutting myself off from everyone who cares about me? Is that the kind of life you think I deserve for doing something like that?
[The hug is both surprising and it isn't, but at least it's not cold and obligatory like Takatora's was. It's warm, and it's a warmth that surprises him and comforts him. He doesn't deserve this warmth, and he stiffens a little bit, arms hanging at his sides. Even as he tries to focus on what Kouta is saying, it's hard. He doesn't deserve a friend like this.]
It... it wasn't a lie. Those were some of the happiest days of my life. I didn't tell you about my background because I didn't want you to think I was all that different from you. I just...
... I can't get those sorts of days back. The carefree days where we all danced and didn't worry about much of anything, before the world started to crash down on us...
... I'm different. We're all different. The world isn't going to be the same ever again. And part of that is my fault, that no one can have those kinds of days again. That I can't have those days again.
I miss them, Kouta-san. I miss being able to dance like that. We're all... we all have bloody hands. And you're strong enough to be able to carry on hoping. I just have to try to carry the burden. I'm...
[He turns his head away, embarrassed by what's about to come out of his own mouth.]
I'm not that strong. I'm not as strong as I thought I was. I'm not as good at shouldering those things as I wanted to be. And it was my mistake that cost so much. I cant' just flip a switch and say 'I'm okay'.
[... background? What kind of background? There's a mildly concerned look on Kouta's face that Micchy is hiding something else from him, combined with the hurt he's feeling from hearing Micchy talk about this. But it's all a distraction from the main point he's trying to make.]
Micchy. Answer me.
[He shakes his friend a little bit for emphasis.]
What I did to Yuuya... What I couldn't stop from happening to Hase... Do you think I deserve to live the rest of my life being punished for that?
[He flinches at the shaking, and lets out a slightly annoyed sigh.]
No. ... But you're different. Things seem to go well for you, but it's not your responsibility to deal with the burden of decisions. It's mine, because it's my burden to deal with the unpleasant things by virtue of where I was born. You get to make your decisions, and I'm supposed to dive in and make the hard ones that put blood on my hands that I can't wash off.
With Yuuya, with Hase... it's not your fault because you didn't know. I should have known. I should have found things out earlier. I should have pressed everyone I could for information. You... you don't seem to understand. What happened to the two of them is unfortunate - but it's my responsibility to deal with the dirty work. You can be the knight in shining armor, and I deal with the unpleasant parts. I can't...
... I can't turn away from my responsibility. The duty of those higher in station to protect those lower in station. I loved dancing with you... but I wasn't doing what I should do to protect you.
[There's that thing again... He's heard everything Micchy has to say and has plenty to say in response, but it's all centered around something he can't quite understand.]
Higher station? ... what are you talking about, Micchy?
[That's... ... oh. Oh. The gears obviously turn in Kouta's head before his eyes widen and he perks up, staring at Micchy in shock. He'd just spoken to Takatora not too long ago, after the other had seemed like such a horrible person at first. ... and his attempts on Kouta's life, but now he was an ally of theirs. Or at least Kouta liked to think so.]
The white armored Rider? The one who works at Yggdrasil is your brother?
[That last name means nothing to him at the moment, it seems.]
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[He turns his gaze over to the Glameow, and gives it a curt nod, before reaching over to the Pachirisu and smiling slightly.]
I have one of these, too.
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[Excuse you, kid, you're still way too close to his owner, and if you don't back up soon you're liable to accidentally get a claw stuck in your leg.
Pachirisu, on the other hand, perks up when he realizes he's being reached for and saves Micchy the trouble of closing their distance by leaping into his arms with a happy noise.]
Aah! You do? It's pretty cute, isn't it?
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[Upon seeing another Pachirisu, she trills happily, and then looks up at Kouta. Friend! New friend!]
She's been with me for a while. She's pretty powerful.
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Kouta puts his hands out to his sides to keep from falling over at Pachirisu's excited running, then smiles and waves at the one Micchy released.
Yeah, he's... definitely going to avoid mentioning the Inves similarities.]
... ah. Micchy... ... I probably shouldn't, but... ... can I ask you something? About what happens?
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[Micchy's smile falls a little bit as he looks up at Kouta again, though. Ah... of course.]
... Go ahead.
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... oh. Maybe Kouta shouldn't ask after all, but he's already this far. He knows he shouldn't ask about what happens to his team, he's not sure he could handle knowing any of them die, but...]
... what happens to Kaito?
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... He's still around. But... I don't know that I trust the kind of world he wants to build. Hes so obsessed with strength...
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Kouta makes a thoughtful noise, crossing his arms in front of his chest.]
I always wanted to hope I could trust him. He... ... I don't think he's a bad person, but along the way I guess he just got misguided.
[Kouta ruffles his hair, huffing out a breath.]
... makes me want to go back and see what I can do.
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... Whatever you can do... just make sure he doesn't win. And that Ryouma doesn't win, either. His sort of world would be... a nightmare.
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[Kouta knows he doesn't really belong in this world. It's a feeling that keeps pulling at him and he's worried that he won't remember anything Micchy is telling him right now. ... but he has to try.]
Is there... anything else?
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[Yuko puts her head on Micchy's shoulder, and he pats the Rapidash a little fondly.]
That's the important bits... just keep Mai safe, okay?
[He lets Yuko nudge him slightly, and he smiles a bit.]
There, there.
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[Except... his voice sounds a lot more unsure right now. No worries, however, as Pachirisu scales Kouta's back again and perches on his shoulder, tail flicking as he chitters and bumps his head against his trainer's. ... and Glameow might be sitting a little closer to Kouta's leg, but only to protect him. Obviously. Because he's stupid and has no sense of self-preservation.]
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[Aki skitters up Micchy's pants and shirt to sit on his shoulder, grooming his hair. He ignores her for the moment. This needs to get through to Kouta.]
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... all right. I promise. If I can help it, I won't let anything happen to any of you.
[Which prompts him to step forward again, putting a hand on Micchy's shoulder and giving him a firm look.]
Whatever you did to me... Just know that no matter what, you're still my friend. I still care about you. And I'll always forgive you. I know you're not a bad person, Micchy.
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[He shakes his head very slightly, trying to fight back tears. Yuko puts her head on his other shoulder, but he pulls away from her and from Kouta to wipe at his face. No. He can't cry. Not here, not now. But it's hard to get his words out when his throat is closing and emotions threaten to overwhelm him. He has to stay strong. He has to be a pillar - a rock. Unmoved and heavy with his own sins, not flexible and swayed by the simple faith Kouta's showing him.]
[He can't. this is his burden, his mistake. His own thing to carry on no matter what.]
It's not the sort of thing that's forgivable, Kouta-san... you'll see. I've... done a lot that's a mistake. I don't deserve your forgiveness, or the forgiveness of anyone else.
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You apologized to me, didn't you? You said you were sorry for everything that happened. You're sorry for hurting me, that things turned out this way. You're trying to help me stop it. You wouldn't say you were sorry unless you meant it.
[He pulls hard on Micchy's arm, a mix of sorrow and anger on his face. It makes his heart ache to see his friend like this, but he hates it, at the same time.]
I forgive you! Even if you don't want it. So, please, Micchy... I would never let anyone hurt you, even yourself, so stop thinking you're such a bad person. You became a Rider to help protect us, right?
[Aah, great. He's starting to get emotional, taking a deep breath and fighting down the urge to cry.]
You don't have to carry something like this... I forgive you. So... please. Forgive yourself, even if you don't think you deserve it.
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Kouta-san... I can't. I just... can't. I'm the one who caused so much of this to happen. I pushed and I pushed and I... I did terrible things. I don't want to hurt people anymore. I try not to here. But that doesn't erase what I did! No matter how much I apologize, no matter how much you forgive me, no matter how much anyone forgives me... I still did it!
[Aki scurries down off of her trainer and over to the other Pachirisu, chattering in concern.]
Kouta-san... I don't want to hurt people. I try to watch myself, to be careful not to make that mistake again, but it means I can't get close to people here. I can't get close to people anywhere, because if something happens and I hurt them... it'd just be repeating history over and over. I can't let them get hurt.
I don't deserve forgiveness because I can't be sure that I wouldn't hurt people again. Until I can be sure that if a situation like the one at home happened here that I wouldn't do the same thing, I can't forgive myself and I can't expect anyone to even start to offer forgiveness. I can't fix things at home, and I can't be sure that I'm safe to be around here. I just... can't. It was my responsibility to save as many people as I could, and I couldn't...
[He shakes in Kouta's grasp, all of his poise and confidence falling away. He almost seems to shrink from the way his posture shifts, and it's all he can do to keep himself upright.]
I couldn't save the person I cared about most. I couldn't save my friends or family from myself. If I can't save anyone, if I can't use my power to protect the people who actually matter, what good am I?
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[Oh, wow. That was... a heck of an outburst, but at least Micchy's not holding it all inside anymore. It's good to know he's at least broken through to hear his friend's true feelings and even if he can't help him any more than that, at least getting it out has to be doing some good, right?
Kouta moves forward again to turn Micchy around, tugging the other into a tight hug. He knows Micchy will want to push him away, probably doesn't want to be touched at all right now, but Kouta's pretty sure he needs it when he's feeling so weak. It's okay. He'll share what strength he can.]
Even if there are bad people in the world, you should take a chance to trust people. You trusted me, you trusted Mai, you trusted the team and we had really good times together, didn't we? The way you used to smile around us... That wasn't a lie, was it?
So... you should try to trust others. You should trust yourself. You're already being careful, you know what you did, but that doesn't mean you have to be alone and punish yourself for it. It's part of being human that we hurt each other, but it's also part of being human that we can come back from it.
[He pulls back a little, hands grasping Micchy's shoulders as he gives him another intense stare.]
You know what I did. I killed Yuuya. I killed my best friend. ... do you think I should live the rest of my life, punishing myself, cutting myself off from everyone who cares about me? Is that the kind of life you think I deserve for doing something like that?
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It... it wasn't a lie. Those were some of the happiest days of my life. I didn't tell you about my background because I didn't want you to think I was all that different from you. I just...
... I can't get those sorts of days back. The carefree days where we all danced and didn't worry about much of anything, before the world started to crash down on us...
... I'm different. We're all different. The world isn't going to be the same ever again. And part of that is my fault, that no one can have those kinds of days again. That I can't have those days again.
I miss them, Kouta-san. I miss being able to dance like that. We're all... we all have bloody hands. And you're strong enough to be able to carry on hoping. I just have to try to carry the burden. I'm...
[He turns his head away, embarrassed by what's about to come out of his own mouth.]
I'm not that strong. I'm not as strong as I thought I was. I'm not as good at shouldering those things as I wanted to be. And it was my mistake that cost so much. I cant' just flip a switch and say 'I'm okay'.
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Micchy. Answer me.
[He shakes his friend a little bit for emphasis.]
What I did to Yuuya... What I couldn't stop from happening to Hase... Do you think I deserve to live the rest of my life being punished for that?
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No. ... But you're different. Things seem to go well for you, but it's not your responsibility to deal with the burden of decisions. It's mine, because it's my burden to deal with the unpleasant things by virtue of where I was born. You get to make your decisions, and I'm supposed to dive in and make the hard ones that put blood on my hands that I can't wash off.
With Yuuya, with Hase... it's not your fault because you didn't know. I should have known. I should have found things out earlier. I should have pressed everyone I could for information. You... you don't seem to understand. What happened to the two of them is unfortunate - but it's my responsibility to deal with the dirty work. You can be the knight in shining armor, and I deal with the unpleasant parts. I can't...
... I can't turn away from my responsibility. The duty of those higher in station to protect those lower in station. I loved dancing with you... but I wasn't doing what I should do to protect you.
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Higher station? ... what are you talking about, Micchy?
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You... ah. ... My full name is Mitsuzane Kureshima. You might know my brother... Takatora Kureshima.
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[That's... ... oh. Oh. The gears obviously turn in Kouta's head before his eyes widen and he perks up, staring at Micchy in shock. He'd just spoken to Takatora not too long ago, after the other had seemed like such a horrible person at first. ... and his attempts on Kouta's life, but now he was an ally of theirs. Or at least Kouta liked to think so.]
The white armored Rider? The one who works at Yggdrasil is your brother?
[That last name means nothing to him at the moment, it seems.]
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[He reaches up and tucks his hair back behind his ears, trying to regain some sort of dignity.]
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