you know it's dragging me down

[skillspanner]

Who: restardom, usedkunai
Where: Breeding Centre House
When: Evening, October 4th
Summary: Yosuke is an insecure failure, hijinks and woobieness ensue.
Rating: T for Teehee, Yosuke is dumb
Log:

[He's not particularly waiting for her to get back, but Yosuke's been sitting on the sofa all evening. It's the first evening he's taken off in a while, so while everyone else is taking care of their business, he's just thinking. Part about his situations -- things with Souji, as they always linger in his mind. But that's not it; something else is bothering him.]

[His talk with Athrun still lingers. Why didn't Rise tell him? Did she tell Souji yet? Or the others? Was he the last to know? Or maybe it was something else. After all, she felt comfortable enough to talk to him about the murders - the case. Something they really didn't often mention. Something he hadn't spoken a word to with anyone in Johto. Maybe she just trusted Athrun more; maybe things were changing right under his nose and he didn't know it. He's just not sure.]

[Maybe he just needs to wait. So he sits instead, contemplating whether or not he'll even mention it, or if he'll just offer a goofy smile and be on his way.]

Comments

[skillspanner]

Wh-- Wait, you haven't even told Souji yet?

[restardom.livejournal.com]

I just said all of you, didn't I? We're a team, so why would I only tell one of you and not say anything to anyone else?

[skillspanner]

I... I dunno, okay? I figured you'd tell him, at least with the Centre and all... [Tilts his head back, closing his eyes and sighing. Well. He feels like a dumbass.]

[restardom.livejournal.com]

If I told him before I was anywhere close to being ready, it'd just be something more for him to worry about. I mean, knowing Senpai, he'd want to help.

[ she huffs a little. ] Honestly...

[skillspanner]

Yeah, I guess you've got a point there... I guess we don't really need to add to that.

[restardom.livejournal.com]

So are you gonna stop sulking now?

[skillspanner]

I-I'm not sulking! [Yes, he's protesting this.]

[restardom.livejournal.com]

You so were.

[skillspanner]

No way! Thinking and sulking are totally different!

[restardom.livejournal.com]

I know they are. That's why you were sulking.

[skillspanner]

[So pouting right now.] Even if I was... wh-which I totally wasn't, it's not like it matters anyways.

[restardom.livejournal.com]

Of course it matters, dummy. Even if it is weird.

LJ ATE THIS NOTIF WTF

[skillspanner]

It's all kind of dumb anyways. Just forget it.

;A;

[restardom.livejournal.com]

Too late.

[skillspanner]

[Sighing.] Come on.

[restardom.livejournal.com]

[ and she just looks at him, with a frown. ]

[skillspanner]

You seriously not gonna let this go, are you.

[restardom.livejournal.com]

Nope.

[skillspanner]

[Falling quiet and looking at the ceiling. He doesn't know how to say this stuff.]

[restardom.livejournal.com]

[ Rise's not budging, nor is she looking away from his face.

She can keep this up, Yosuke. Can you? ]

[skillspanner]

[He's staying this way for a few minutes. Quiet, contemplative. For every reason - because he feels like it's stupid that this is getting to him, that he knows there's plenty of other things beyond the surface worries... but. He knows Rise, and somewhere along the way, she figured him out too well. Yosuke can't hide it, and he won't. He closes his eyes, awkwardly clearing his throat, he finally chokes out some words.]

I... don't like when we're separated for too long, I guess. Not like, you and me - anyone on the team.

[restardom.livejournal.com]

[ her eyes remain fixed on his face, but amber's darkened to a shadowed brown, and she's silent for a good minute after he's finished. It's not stupid. She'd felt the same, separated from the team while they were in Violet, struggling to make her way back when Nanako was crying so piteously into the gear and Souji was being chased by a skeletal nightmare.

And even before that...

It's the first time she's spoken up about it to the team. ]

Hey, Yosuke-senpai... do you know what scares me the most?

[skillspanner]

[It's that silence that sparks him to finally look at her; he could feel that weight in the air. It was there to begin with, it had been pressing on him since he spoke to Athrun. But now it felt like it was weighing down, crushing them - suffocating like the fog. It takes him a moment's hesitation to answer.]

...No? I mean, I don't think so.

[restardom.livejournal.com]

... Izanami... [ she doesn't have to ask if he remembers; she doubts any of the team will ever be able to forget. ]

When I stood there, and I watched her k-- [ she chokes a little, stops. Shakes her head. ] Just-- one by one, you all disappeared, and no matter how much I screamed, I couldn't bring you back and then there was no one left.

And it's not just... that I failed everybody-- [ because she had, and there had been nightmares, hallucinations, fragments in that dream world. It's still so much of a burden on her conscience. ] But that I'd lost you. All of you.

I'm... [ Rise lowers her eyes, studying her hands. ] I'm scared-- no, I'm terrified of that, of being away for too long, because you could disappear [ how many times had the others left? ] and I won't even be there to try to stop it, but I promised him. When Chie-senpai was the only one here, and I wasn't even in the same city, I promised Athrun I'd be there to cheer him on after fighting so long. I won't break that promise.

But don't think I like it when we're scattered, either.

[skillspanner]

Rise... [It's all he can choke out. His face actually does pale, the feeling of Izanami's Thousand Curses is one that plagues him. He has nightmares of it, yes - sometimes just being tangled in the sheets the wrong way triggers him. It's horrifying how clearly he remembers it. He never hesitated; he was the first to push Souji from the line of fire and be choked down by that darkness.]

[It's paralyzing him right now. But he draws in a breath and tries to force out the words he wants to say. The ones he needs to say.] You never failed us. Not once.

[Though he's trying to say it firmly, his voice is wavering.] But... that's... it's what it's like here, sometimes.

We don't know... when someone will leave. You wake up and they're just... gone. And when they come back - i-if they do at all, they don't usually remember anything here. [He's lost his fair share of people here already. Not as many as Rise, he's sure, but enough.]

I know-- I mean, I know why you're going with Athrun-san. I totally get it. But... crap, Rise. E-even if it's not you or me... what if it's someone else? Chie, Kanji, Ted, Merlin -- [He stops just short of saying Souji's name. He cannot bring himself to say those words, drawing in a breath instead and fighting back the hint of tears stinging at the back of his eyes.] It's just... shit.

It's the worst part of this damn place. I hate it.