Who: ANYONE AND EVERYONE Where: ANYWHERE AND EVERYWHERE When: May 29 - 31 Summary: GET IN HERE AND MINGLE Rating: BUT PLEASE MARK YOUR THREAD CONTENT ACCORDINGLY Log:
It feels nothing short of euphoric to be able to fucking say that, to look at a person and just know, not without trying but with the sort of trying that comes born of years of repetition honing a skill to the point of reflex — the way someone just knows how to drive a car and stay in the proper lane on a road, even if it's an unfamiliar car or they haven't been behind the wheel in a while.
For three days, twice a year, Schuldig remembers how to do this, and it feels so right that he probably overdoes it while he's at it, like gorging on candy that you know is going to be gone all too soon with no way to save it.
People's minds taste like honey, and this guy's mind tastes like rigid bureaucracy and claustrophobia and — huh.
Really, it's exactly what he'd expect of a guy with this sort of look — the glasses, the suit, the correct everything, the exacting way of bearing up with as much dignity as possible in the world's most utterly batshit situation. Some people are just like that, and they almost always set off giant red beacons on Schuldig's personal radar when they turn up.]
That's a bigass snake. Sure hope you're not ophidiophobic.
[He says, as he comes wandering up with his Pyroar in tow and an open, easy smile on his face; there's a hint of natural swagger, a touch of playfulness, a lot of that inherent aura of "i know something you don't" (and, being a telepath, everything you do while I'm at it), and the slight obnoxious recognition of congratulations, you're in my sights now, and there's not a whole lot you can do about that.]
You know they're supposed to say something about you, the ones you're assigned when you get here.
[And there's a sense of recognition on Kristoph's end as well when it comes to people like this, though the associations he's drawing up are perhaps surprisingly neither positive nor negative; bluntly put, he's got a rock star for a brother so he's used to all manner of loud clothing and ridiculous hair and entirely too much confidence - not the usual undue arrogance that crawls out of the prosecutor's office nowadays, either, this is different and if it's somewhat aggressive it's taking the interesting route of pretending to be affably so, and...in all honesty it's probably going to be really annoying but at the same time it's not much worse than dealing with Daryan once in a while.
(Of course, he's been dealing with Daryan once in a while again lately, this time without Klavier present. It's exactly as obnoxious as he remembered it being, perhaps a bit more so because apparently being arrested put Daryan in a hell of a mood.)
But for now he just kind of smiles, and though his gaze flicks to the lion initially he doesn't stare at it, and there's no wariness to it - just acknowledgement before returning his attention to the person, because if he's worked out anything regarding how this place works it's that the animals obey their masters.]
I assume that whomever hands these things out has a good amount of not-so-subtle commentary to make about lawyers, then. Unfortunately for their intended message, it's nothing I haven't heard before - it comes with the territory and all.
[There's an easiness to his words, no offense taken at the implication that he most certainly caught when it was thrown out there; he hadn't even questioned the idea that that's exactly why he was greeted with this damn thing because that much was fairly obvious to him from the start, and if that's how things are going to be today then so be it.]
Really? And here I always thought they called you guys sharks, not snakes.
[He comes to an easy halt within natural conversational distance of the man, maybe just slightly closer than he ought to be, but certainly within the acceptable bubble of personal space.
There's a reason he doesn't raise the topic of starters and their significance when he's got his actual starters out, not least of which because they do say far too much about him, in his opinion. So much the better to let someone think he'd been saddled with a lion, instead; he's got the mane and the attitude for it.]
Aren't snakes supposed to be a sign of wisdom? They curl up your staff and whisper all their secrets into your ear.
[He pauses, then grins.]
Or maybe they just picked it because your color scheme matches, huh?
Oh, believe me, the shark would go to someone else.
[And again, it's a reminder of Daryan, one he's a bit quicker to shake off.]
Either way, it's probably not worth looking too far into; the fact that I'm here in the first place already defies logic in several ways, as far as I can tell.
[And somehow he doubts that, given that good Samaritans don't exist unless they're particularly stupid, and this one has made a point of demonstrating that he isn't; everyone wants something, after all.
That aside, though.]
Well, if you really wouldn't mind - you're a far better conversationalist, anyway.
Am I to assume you've been here for a while, then?
[So some have been here for years...making what he thinks of that a matter of trying to work out whether this particular shitshow is preferable to the one back home, then, and from what he can tell it is.]
My, that is unfortunate - though I can't say I'd mind the time off, personally, I can see where staying that long might be more than a bit excessive.
Most people mind it when they've got business to take care of back home. Nothing like having a big stack of paperwork on your desk and getting stuck waiting years to get back to it, right?
[Absently, he puts one hand down to the level of his Pyroar, who obediently nudges into it; from the reflexive nature of the motion, it's less a question of feeling affectionate toward his companion and more just hitting his personal threshold of idling without anything to do with his hands.]
No need to worry about statute of limitations, though. You go back to the moment you left, so they say.
Ah, yes and no. Let's say that certain types of cases destroy your faith in humanity a little; the last one I was involved in was one of them.
[Kristoph, no.]
Though that last bit is good to know; statute of limitations notwithstanding, last I checked it wasn't exactly smiled upon to disappear for years in the middle of a case.
[Lest they, you know, show up again after those few years and have someone promptly put a slight damper on their day by murdering them, because that tends to happen in Japanifornia. A lot.]
Ah...I can't give details about the case itself to uninvolved parties, surely you understand. But my brother is the prosecutor in the family, not me - I'm not suited for it.
Ah, but that's what I'm doing - it isn't just the prosecution entrusted with that particular task, after all.
[He's got no idea what you think he'd be doing if not that, unless...hm.]
Our court system is heavily skewed against the defendant - they're assumed guilty until proven innocent, rather than the other way around. I would think that ensuring the actual guilty party is found out and punished for what they've done counts as "putting bad guys behind bars," wouldn't you?
[...Well, there's...less murder, anyway? Surely that has to count for something.]
That we do, actually - it's not a terribly popular decision, but several facets of the legal system more or less completely collapsed in on themselves several years ago and since then we've been trying to rebuild. Or so I've heard, all of that was obviously before my time, though we've had massive setbacks since then that are making people speculate that we're in a second legal dark age.
Essentially, all defendants are guilty until proven innocent beyond a shadow of a doubt, all trials are to be resolved in three days or default to a guilty verdict, bench trial only - no jury.
[...HE SAYS, AS THOUGH ALL OF THIS IS A PERFECTLY RATIONAL SOLUTION TO THE FUCKING LEGAL SYSTEM COMPLETELY COLLAPSING, TWICE.]
Most of the cases I've handled dealt with capital offenses. I don't personally agree with it, but the system is both very fond of and very prompt with the administration of the death penalty.
[...GLAD TO HAVE PROVIDED YOUR JOY FOR THE DAY, SCHULDIG...]
Come now - we're not uncivilized.
[...okay thankfully that statement was so utterly self-aware that it's probably contemplating the meaning of life, because that'd just be sad otherwise.]
All of that aside, some of us have become very proficient at working within the legal boundaries we've been given. It's an interesting challenge, most of the time.
[Just...the sort that involves human lives and probably somebody dead at the end of it, you know how it goes.]
[Because it's occurred to him that he may not be the only one from his...particular version of things who's arrived here; there's hardly any sense in giving out anything resembling his actual name until he can ascertain whether that's the case or not.]
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It feels nothing short of euphoric to be able to fucking say that, to look at a person and just know, not without trying but with the sort of trying that comes born of years of repetition honing a skill to the point of reflex — the way someone just knows how to drive a car and stay in the proper lane on a road, even if it's an unfamiliar car or they haven't been behind the wheel in a while.
For three days, twice a year, Schuldig remembers how to do this, and it feels so right that he probably overdoes it while he's at it, like gorging on candy that you know is going to be gone all too soon with no way to save it.
People's minds taste like honey, and this guy's mind tastes like rigid bureaucracy and claustrophobia and — huh.
Really, it's exactly what he'd expect of a guy with this sort of look — the glasses, the suit, the correct everything, the exacting way of bearing up with as much dignity as possible in the world's most utterly batshit situation. Some people are just like that, and they almost always set off giant red beacons on Schuldig's personal radar when they turn up.]
That's a bigass snake. Sure hope you're not ophidiophobic.
[He says, as he comes wandering up with his Pyroar in tow and an open, easy smile on his face; there's a hint of natural swagger, a touch of playfulness, a lot of that inherent aura of "i know something you don't" (and, being a telepath, everything you do while I'm at it), and the slight obnoxious recognition of congratulations, you're in my sights now, and there's not a whole lot you can do about that.]
You know they're supposed to say something about you, the ones you're assigned when you get here.
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(Of course, he's been dealing with Daryan once in a while again lately, this time without Klavier present. It's exactly as obnoxious as he remembered it being, perhaps a bit more so because apparently being arrested put Daryan in a hell of a mood.)
But for now he just kind of smiles, and though his gaze flicks to the lion initially he doesn't stare at it, and there's no wariness to it - just acknowledgement before returning his attention to the person, because if he's worked out anything regarding how this place works it's that the animals obey their masters.]
I assume that whomever hands these things out has a good amount of not-so-subtle commentary to make about lawyers, then. Unfortunately for their intended message, it's nothing I haven't heard before - it comes with the territory and all.
[There's an easiness to his words, no offense taken at the implication that he most certainly caught when it was thrown out there; he hadn't even questioned the idea that that's exactly why he was greeted with this damn thing because that much was fairly obvious to him from the start, and if that's how things are going to be today then so be it.]
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[He comes to an easy halt within natural conversational distance of the man, maybe just slightly closer than he ought to be, but certainly within the acceptable bubble of personal space.
There's a reason he doesn't raise the topic of starters and their significance when he's got his actual starters out, not least of which because they do say far too much about him, in his opinion. So much the better to let someone think he'd been saddled with a lion, instead; he's got the mane and the attitude for it.]
Aren't snakes supposed to be a sign of wisdom? They curl up your staff and whisper all their secrets into your ear.
[He pauses, then grins.]
Or maybe they just picked it because your color scheme matches, huh?
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[And again, it's a reminder of Daryan, one he's a bit quicker to shake off.]
Either way, it's probably not worth looking too far into; the fact that I'm here in the first place already defies logic in several ways, as far as I can tell.
[...]
Are you just seeking conversation, then...?
[Really, can he...help you here, or...]
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[...]
Unless you'd rather go back to soliciting the snake for answers?
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That aside, though.]
Well, if you really wouldn't mind - you're a far better conversationalist, anyway.
Am I to assume you've been here for a while, then?
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More than a year. I'm one of the unlucky ones, really, who's here on the year-round plan. Some people have a stay that's a lot shorter.
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My, that is unfortunate - though I can't say I'd mind the time off, personally, I can see where staying that long might be more than a bit excessive.
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[Absently, he puts one hand down to the level of his Pyroar, who obediently nudges into it; from the reflexive nature of the motion, it's less a question of feeling affectionate toward his companion and more just hitting his personal threshold of idling without anything to do with his hands.]
No need to worry about statute of limitations, though. You go back to the moment you left, so they say.
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[Kristoph, no.]
Though that last bit is good to know; statute of limitations notwithstanding, last I checked it wasn't exactly smiled upon to disappear for years in the middle of a case.
[Lest they, you know, show up again after those few years and have someone promptly put a slight damper on their day by murdering them, because that tends to happen in Japanifornia. A lot.]
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[Since that sometimes makes a difference in terms of the faith in humanity bit.]
Assuming you don't mind talking about it, I mean.
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[Enough so that he looks patently amused by it, for some reason.]
Color me surprised, though; you're not one for putting bad guys behind bars?
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[He's got no idea what you think he'd be doing if not that, unless...hm.]
Our court system is heavily skewed against the defendant - they're assumed guilty until proven innocent, rather than the other way around. I would think that ensuring the actual guilty party is found out and punished for what they've done counts as "putting bad guys behind bars," wouldn't you?
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[HOLY SHIT THIS GUY IS CONFIRMED TO BE FROM BIZARRO WORLD.
ALSO HE'S BLONDE.
...THIS COULD POTENTIALLY BE BIZARRO-WORLD CRAWFORD WHO WENT INTO A LEGITIMATE PROFESSION INSTEAD OF, YOU KNOW, MURDER
but let's not leap to conclusions]
Are you kidding? You guys can really get away with that — guilty until proven innocent, no shit?
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That we do, actually - it's not a terribly popular decision, but several facets of the legal system more or less completely collapsed in on themselves several years ago and since then we've been trying to rebuild. Or so I've heard, all of that was obviously before my time, though we've had massive setbacks since then that are making people speculate that we're in a second legal dark age.
Essentially, all defendants are guilty until proven innocent beyond a shadow of a doubt, all trials are to be resolved in three days or default to a guilty verdict, bench trial only - no jury.
[...HE SAYS, AS THOUGH ALL OF THIS IS A PERFECTLY RATIONAL SOLUTION TO THE FUCKING LEGAL SYSTEM COMPLETELY COLLAPSING, TWICE.]
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oh my god he's like equal parts aghast and like really fucking into this right now.]
Do you settle appeals by, like, road race through the desert or something? Bladed combat? Healing from a burn in three days or less?
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[god like it ain't even a thing]
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[THIS IS THE BEST THING HE'S HEARD ALL DAY
CAN WE MOVE HERE]
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Come now - we're not uncivilized.
[...okay thankfully that statement was so utterly self-aware that it's probably contemplating the meaning of life, because that'd just be sad otherwise.]
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[...]
I mean, there's a process, and you sure are doing it.
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[Just...the sort that involves human lives and probably somebody dead at the end of it, you know how it goes.]
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Do you enjoy your work, Mister...?
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[Because it's occurred to him that he may not be the only one from his...particular version of things who's arrived here; there's hardly any sense in giving out anything resembling his actual name until he can ascertain whether that's the case or not.]
And you would be...?
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[As inwardly he thinks you fucking liar and ...good man and oh, I LIKE you, all in fairly rapid succession.]
I'm Dietrich Jaeger, I do security work. The pleasure's all mine.
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